A/N: Please be advised, this entire story is/will be written after consuming copious amounts of alcohol. Plot, typos, and general grammar are not to be taken seriously. All authors notes will be written whilst sober. You have been warned.

Preserum! Steve and WinterSoldier! Bucky

Prompt: "I jumped out of a wardrobe in Ikea screaming 'For Narnia!' and landed on you by accident AU"

It was all Sam's fault to begin with. He was the one who had convinced Steve to jump in the closet since he was small enough and scare the crap out of some random person. Sam had even bet that Steve wouldn't do it in the first place which had immediately caused Steve to want to do it that much more.

So that's how he wound up in a closet in Ikea, ready to pop out and hopefully not scare some poor person wanting to examine the ANEBODA. Sam had joked that it would be like "coming out of the closet" all over again which he found hilarious and which had been received with a sharp jab in his stomach from Steve.

So, half a minute later as Steve jumped out yelling "For Narnia!" and tackling who he thought was Sam, and realized very quickly was not, he screamed an unintelligent noise at colliding with someone who was very tall, and did Steve just hear a metallic clink?

The solid body let out a yelp and steadied both of them by wrapping a solid hand around Steve's skinny waist. Steve immediately lurched back but with the strangers hand still on him, he didn't get far. Steve could swear he heard Sam laughing from somewhere close by, but it was forgotten as his gaze met the man in front of him.

Wide gray eyes met his own blue one's and the man huffed out half a breath that smelled faintly of cigarettes and mint, and odd combination that left Steve reeling in the stranger's grasp. Finally, after what felt like hours of the two of them staring at each other, but was probably no more than a couple seconds, the man released Steve and furrowed his brow before saying, "What the hell man? You scared the shit out of me!"

Steve blushed from the tips of his ears down to his neck and looked down at the floor mumbling an apology. Miraculously, he heard laughter. This time, not from Sam but the guy in front of him. Looking up quizzically, Steve watched as he swiped a hand across his brow, pushing dark brown hair off his head. Meeting Steve's gaze again, the mysterious man held out a hand and said, "Bucky Barnes, let me guess, you're C.S. Lewis?"

"Steve Rogers, actually," Steve answered, still blushing as he held out his own hand. Bucky grasped it firmly and practically tore Steve's arm off as he enthusiastically shook it. "I'm really sorry, my friend dared me to do it and I was really hoping there wasn't going to be outside and-" Steve was about to continue rambling but Bucky just laughed and cut him off.

"Seriously, it's okay," he said, holding up a hand and shaking his head. "Just about gave me a heart attack, but there are worse things that could come out of a closet in Ikea."

Steve stared back at Bucky in amazement. Was he…was he flirting with him? Or was he just teasing? Gulping down the nervous lump that seemed to have formed in his throat, he pushed the thoughts aside knowing that someone this gorgeous would never like a skinny little twerp like him.

Steve pushed his own blonde hair off his forehead and shoved his hands into his jeans. "Anyway, sorry man," he said and was about to scurry off to Sam, when Bucky said, "Hey wait up a sec!" and gently grabbed Steve's arm, planting him firmly in place.

"Would you want to go grab some Swedish meatballs with me? My friend tells me they're world-famous or something like that." Bucky gestured over to a red head who was trying to appear occupied by a different wardrobe, coincidentally the same one that Sam was pretending to examine, but was really using as an excuse to eavesdrop on Steve.

"Uh, are you sure?" Steve asked. What if he and the red head were together? He didn't want to ruin their date, he had caused enough trouble for the day.

"Yeah Nat won't mind. We just came anyway because there was nothing better to do," Bucky answered, rolling his eyes at Nat who was miming with her hands that they go.

"I'm not sure that Sam will-" Steve began to stutter, but Sam came up to him and slapped him gently on the back saying, "I think there was a chair that caught my eye awhile back Steve, I'm going to go check on it," and took off in the opposite direction, sending a wink behind Bucky's back.

"Looks like it's just you and me punk," Bucky said, grinning down at Steve who muttered "All right jerk," and they began walking towards the café.

The entire walk there, Steve was still unsure as to what to say and felt more nervous than the time Sam had dared him to jump into the East River. Glancing at Bucky out of the corner of his eye, he saw a smug grin still plastered onto the jerk's face. Though, to be fair, Steve knew he was probably the bigger jerk since he was the one who had scared Bucky.

After arriving at the café and picking up their food, Steve finally spoke as Bucky began pulling for his wallet. "Woah, no way. My treat." Bucky began to protest but Steve just fixed him with a glare that said much more than words and watched as Bucky slid his wallet into his back pocket again. He thanked Steve as he payed for their food, but Steve just rolled his eyes as if to convey that he didn't need to be thanked.

After paying for their food and sitting by a window, the boys both glanced down at the food, then each other before Bucky broke into a silly grin and he shoveled some of the meatballs into his mouth. His eyes shot open wide in surprise for the second time that day and Steve asked eagerly, "That good?"

"Mhgid the shmest!" Bucky answered flicking his gaze from Steve and back down to his plate. Steve took that to mean yes and tentatively bit into his own food. Explosions of flavor traveled across his tongue and he moaned in surprise. "Wow this is good," Steve said and Bucky laughed, brining another forkful up to his own mouth.

The pair ate in a slightly stilted silence with Steve throwing Bucky the occasional guilty glance. Bucky finished before Steve was halfway through his and he said, "Okay man you gotta stop looking at me that way. You didn't do anything wrong."

Steve just stopped looking at Bucky altogether after he said that and instead turned his gaze to the window next to them, trying to keep the blush from creeping over his cheeks, but knowing it was probably blooming brightly.

"Besides you bought me the best lunch I've had in ages so I'd say I owe you one," Bucky leaned back comfortably in his chair, one had looping over the empty one next to him.

As Steve looked up at him, he had to squint, a shard of light blinding his vision, and Bucky immediately lowered the other arm, trying to hide whatever had been causing the light to reflect off it in the first place.

As a part time art student at the local college, Steve had grown accustomed to seeing people with variations been done to their bodies, and he knew better than to ask, so he simply smiled shyly back and Bucky's eyes seemed to regard him carefully before moving down to Steve's plate which still sat half full.

"You going to eat that?" he asked Steve. Steve shook his head no and answered, "You want it?" pushing it towards Bucky slightly before realizing that he was offering his food up to a complete stranger, something he only normally did with Sam who ate like a horse.

"You don't like it," Bucky replied quickly, coming out as a statement and not a question. "Oh man," he ran a hand down his face, "I knew I should have asked to take you somewhere more classy."

Steve laughed, his eyes crinkling up as he reassured Bucky, "No no! I just can't handle a lot of food. Not good for my digestion and a slew of other medical problems I don't even want to get into." He shut his mouth forcefully to keep from rambling on again and realized he couldn't keep Bucky's teasing look again.

"I get it," Bucky answered and pulled Steve's plate over, and using his fork to scoop up some of the meatballs. "Damn good food though," he mumbled.

"So," Steve said, coughing slightly, trying to dredge up some sort of conversation with this man. "You shopping with your girlfriend?"

Bucky just stared at Steve for a moment before bursting into laughter. "Girlfriend," he said, gasping for breath. Steve looked uncomfortable and he asked tentatively, "Oh god you're not siblings are you?"

Bucky just seemed to laugh harder until he saw Steve's uncomfortable expression. Wiping his mouth with a napkin, Bucky shook his head. "No, Nat is just an old family friend. I was helping her pick out some stuff. She just moved into a place in Brooklyn."

"And do you live in Brooklyn?" Steve asked, trying to keep the hopefulness out of his tone.

"Born and raised," Bucky answered, winking at him, causing Steve to blush even more. "What about you? You seem like the upstate type."

Steve bristled at this and replied primly, "I was actually born and raised in Brooklyn too." Bucky watched, amused, as Steve's hands clenched into fists. He was quickly coming to realize that Steve was not a man to be trifled with or pitied.

"And yet we're just meeting now," Bucky said grinning. "Shame."

Steve jolted again, knowing there was no other way to interpret that then blatant flirting and unsure what to do. Bucky saved him from coming up with an answer though by asking, "The guy you were with. He your boyfriend?"

Steve let out his own bark of laughter and said, "Nah, Sam is as straight as can be. The ladies love him."

"And do the ladies love you?" Bucky asked, praying that Steve would say no.

"Wouldn't know," Steve said shrugging. "I lean more for the guys." The way he said it was so nonchalant, as if Bucky already should know this about him, and while Bucky had been hoping that was what Steve would say, he still felt a surge of pleasure curl up his spine. Steve's gaze flicked to Bucky's teasing eyes again. "I'm sure the girls love a guy like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bucky mocked offense, a smirk tugging at his lips.

"Oh come on," Steve replied, rolling his eyes. "Confident, actually a decent human being, good looking.." The last part was said as more of a mumble but Bucky caught it nonetheless.

Saving Steve from his misery though, Bucky said, "Nah. I like guys too."

Steve held Bucky's gaze for a heated moment before he said thickly, "You just like to tease me don't you?"

"Yes and no," Bucky answered, now pushing Steve's plate aside as well and leaving one hand on the table, the other one still kept out of sight. "I do like teasing you, but it's true that I like dudes."

Out of its own accord, Steve's mouth dropped open into a O of shock, that Bucky was growing to love, as Steve sputterted, "Well, Bucky Barnes it's been nice meeting you but I think I ought to get back to Sam."

"Hey wait a sec," Bucky answered, lunging from the table after Steve, "Can I buy you dinner sometime? I did say that I owe you." His hand was on Steve's arm again, and causing him to feel butterflies in his stomach again. At this rate he was going to throw up from the nerves building inside him.

"Anything to get you off my back," Steve quipped and fake glared at Bucky who laughed and pulled a small Ikea pencil and folded paper measuring tape from his back pocket. Scribbling something down, he tore off the piece he had written on and handed it to Steve. "Call or text, or whatever," Bucky said, shoving the pen and remaining measuring tape in his back pocket again.

Steve stared down at the hastily scribbled digits between the one and three measuring line, before glancing back up at Bucky from under his bangs and saying, "I will. Again, sorry man," and just as he turned to flee, Bucky gently pulled Steve's hand back causing him to stop again.

"I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to come out of that closet," Bucky whispered down at him, and Steve just stared before wrenching his arm free, and walking out of the café as quickly as his short legs would take him, feeling Bucky's eyes on his back the entire time.