He used to smile at you, didn't he? You can only remember it vaguely now, but you do. You remember the way he smiled at you in the hallway, knocked your books out of your hands just so he could pick them up for you. You remember the way he laughed at you when your smile was silvery and metallic after you got your braces. It was a good-natured laugh, you knew, but still you shoved him against the wall that day and dared him to laugh again.
And then at the end of 8th grade, he convinced you to accompany him to the annual Spring Dance, where he kissed you unexpectedly and your metal mouth twinkled under the gymnasium lights. He smiled too.
So why wasn't he smiling now? What happened to him? What made him so cold towards you now? He should be beaming at you as you stand in front of the class, smiling at him. The whole class really, but in your mind it's just him you're grinning at.
Things have changed, you know. It's more obvious than you'd like it to be, and it's a blade in your heart. And the worst part is he realizes it. He knows you break easily.
So why do you lie to yourself? Why do you try if you know you're just going to fall down again? Fall apart again... You keep falling apart, how do you keep putting yourself back together, and why? 'Cause you aren't a quitter, you tell yourself; you don't give up. You're Jade West, and nothing can hurt you. You're invincible. That's what you tell yourself, what you insist is the truth. But really you know it's more like invisible. Invisible to Beck Oliver.
And if he doesn't care, why do you still care? Maybe it's because you love the way he shook your mother's hand, and the pretty things he whispered in your ear as you sat beside him on the boardwalk. Or maybe it's because he's the only thing you ever wanted to keep, the only one that you really wanted to stick around. He was the only person that ever made you smile genuinely. He figured out the pathway into your heart. He hit you in your weak spot, and now you're vulnerable.
But that's alright, because you still love him. You love him no matter what you said to him the other night on the phone, or what his friends say, or even what you say to yourself. He may not give you a reason to chase after him, but he doesn't have to; you already have one.
And it's a pretty good thing you still do love him, because he just kissed you. And now he's smiling at you.
A/N: That was something I wrote in my agenda book during Math class. Enjoy. :)
