Author's note for this chapter: Late to the party, I know, but just got to this part in game and I couldn't see myself continuing without getting out my emotions somewhere. Damn you Kaidan! Takes place during ME2, Horizon mission.
"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre, and savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a legend Delan, and a ghost."
Kaidan. His voice sounded... was he angry with me? I know it had been some time, but that was beyond my control. I could barely speak with the lump forming in my throat. He was here, finally I'd found him, and damn he looked good. Control yourself Shepard, maintain professionalism.
I hadn't heard anything further Delan had to say before he walked off. I could only stare at Kaidan, the man who held my heart and got me through the difficult times before - well, before all this. He walked cautiously, closing the distance between us almost as if I weren't real, just a mirage in front of him, but then he wrapped his arms around me. Finally I had felt whole, complete. He was what I had been missing all this time.
"I thought you were dead Shepard, we all did." Kaidan whispered those words in my ear, and my legs almost gave out. I returned his embrace, wanting to laugh, to cry, to have his lips on mine again and tell me everything would be alright. But I couldn't. Not here, not in front of my crew, but soon I swore to myself, soon.
"It's been too long Kaidan," I managed to say when he pulled away. "How've you been?"
His expression changed then, hardened, and I felt my heart begin to break. "That's all you have to say?" he asked. "After two years, you show up, act like nothing happened." He hung his head, and I could feel the pain in his words. "I thought we had something, something real. I loved you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart."
I bit my tongue so hard I drew blood, holding back the tears that stung my eyes. How could he say these things to me? And here, now, in front of the others? Loved. He had loved me. The past tense was more painful than anything I had endured over the last few years. Oh Kaidan no, please don't say that I've lost you...
I tried to reply, but Kaidan continued. "How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?"
My heart pounded so rapidly and loudly within my chest I was sure everyone was able to hear it. I felt my cheeks flush under his attack and immediately my defenses kicked in. "It wasn't my choice Kaidan, I've been in a coma for two years! You think I'd do anything to hurt you on purpose?"
He didn't hear me though. All he heard was who I was working for now, and whatever connection we had was lost at that moment. I wanted him to understand, pleaded with him to hear my side of things, but he wouldn't have it. He was angry, near vengeful, and not only questioned my judgment, but my loyalty to him and the Alliance.
When he said I had betrayed him, oh Kaidan, how could you think such a thing? "Kaidan you know me," I pleaded. "You know I'd only do this for the right reasons!"
Kaidan kept up his attack. Said I had changed, forgotten where my loyalties lie. The look in his eyes, it was clear I wasn't going to get through to him. He had two years to grieve for me, and then hope when reports came in that I may still be alive. Rumors and speculation had changed him much more than the change he was accusing me of. My Kaidan was lost to me now.
It was a cold goodbye, even after I asked him, nearly begged him, to join me again. He walked away without looking back. I could do nothing but watch him go.
I remained silent in the transport back to the ship. And I kept my briefing to a minimum. Only when I returned to my room, and stared at the picture of Kaidan I had managed to get my hands on, did I finally allow the tears to fall.
