Disclaimer: Scandal does not belong to me, unfortunately.

Note: This is the first story I've written and posted in years. Please be kind, my first Olitz story :)


She didn't know how much more she could take.

He was always on her mind.

ALWAYS on her mind.

He was like a drug she couldn't give up, a disease she couldn't rid herself of. Even when they were fighting, when her mind was telling her to get over him, to let him go. When she kept trying to convince herself to hate him, to be angry with him. Because how dare he not understand? How dare he not see what she did was for him.

Even when all she wanted was to erase every memory, take back every night, she couldn't let go. Her heart wouldn't let her. Deep within herself she knew she was wrong. Deep inside she knew she had to fix this. Just as she fixed everyone else's lives, for once she needed to work on hers because she couldn't go on like this.

Because he was always on her mind

Like a drug.

Like a disease.

Like a blessing.

A blessing she didn't always understand, or quite believe in, but she knew it was. She FELT it. Every time she was with him, every time she closed her eyes and remembered his touch, his scent, his aura. Every time the memories came flooding back and overtook her, left her in a gaze searching through another world, another time.

Every time she woke up in the morning with a smile on her face and realized it was because she'd dreamed of him. She knew it was a blessing, a blessing in disguise. They didn't fit together perfectly. They met at the wrong time, in the wrong place, but they met nonetheless and they fit together just enough. Just enough to make the puzzle complete, just enough to finally make her feel whole.

She hated this. She couldn't get him out of her mind. In between work, home, anger, love, he was always there. And she was always worrying, wondering. What was he doing? Was he okay? Was he thinking about her too? When will this end?

He was her drug, her disease, her blessing.

She couldn't live without him. She knew that now. She'd tried, so many times, in so many ways, but she failed every time. He'd marked her, scarred her for life. CHANGED her. He'd made her see that there could be more to life than just her career, that life didn't have to be so calculated. He'd made her believe in soul mates, in love at first sight. In all the fairy tales she'd learned about as a child which she never believed could really come true. But she did now, because she'd experienced it. Lived through every one of them.

She had to change things. She had to call him, see him. Steal one more of life's moments with him. One more minute. If they couldn't have a lifetime, those minutes would have to be enough. And they were enough. She knew it, they were more than enough. She yearned for them, wished to have just one more. One more knowing glance, one more secret meeting. Together, theirs to hold. One more memory to make, to relive at night. Just them.

He'd made her life different.

She couldn't go back, not to the life that existed before she met him. Not to the empty nights and loveless romances. Not to the empty words she spoke, but never meant. He was stuck on her, as she was on him.

And she couldn't let go because he was always on her mind.

Every time she turned on a TV and saw his face, every time she walked but a newspaper stand and read his name, her heart stopped. Her breath ceased. For just a millisecond she was in another world, with somebody else. With him.

He was her drug.

She couldn't get rid of him.

Her disease.

He tormented her thoughts.

Her blessing.

She couldn't live without him.

Her soul mate.

He made her believe.

Her Fitz.