This is a one-shot that I wrote for readers of my T rated fic 'Make You Feel My Love', who wanted a bit... more, from the relationship between Rick and Beth. I didn't intend it to be a sequel, but it could certainly fit in with that fic, as something that happens down the road a ways.
The title is taken from the lyrics of 'Badlands' and, also, 'All Night Long (Break Out)' by Bruce Springsteen.
Thank you for reading, and please leave a review. - Mrs P.
N.B - I wrote this as a one-shot but I've decided to carry on for a few chapters, I hope you'll all continue to follow the story. Oh, and I own nothing Walking Dead related, except for the DVDs... And I have two Rick POP figures. :-)
It Ain't No Sin To Be Glad You're Alive
Chapter 1
Rick Grimes found himself accumulating a long list of things he never would have done before the world went to hell. He was contemplating another addition, which was, once again, something he couldn't have foreseen in his past life. When he thought about it rationally, and in the cold light of day, he had to think that perhaps he was descending into another spell of madness. He shook his head and inwardly chastised himself for the thousandth time, but the thought kept on nagging away in his mind. He told himself that it was just a harmless fantasy which would play out nowhere but, in what had to be, his own sick mind. But he had to admit that if his theory were true, why then had he tracked down that box of condoms on the last supply run? He tapped the pocket of his jeans to check they were still there, and they were.
It had been going on for months now; her giving him longing looks and finding innocent ways to touch him at every opportunity. She wanted him to notice, but she feared it too, he could tell. When he became aware of her interest in him, he also grew afraid of the possibilities. Maybe if he had ever been like Shane in that way, it wouldn't have bothered him so much. His former best friend had always been able to sweet talk his way into any woman's panties, even his own wife's, as it turned out. But Lori had been his one and only love. He knew he would always carry her in his heart, until the day he died, but life went on. He hadn't wanted it too at first, but there was Carl and Judith to consider, and he knew he had to keep going for them. Rick couldn't call what he felt for her, love. She did make him feel something though, and after everything he'd been through, he was grateful to still be able to feel anything at all. He slung his rifle over his shoulder and made his way back into the cell block.
The light from the full moon was streaming in through the barred windows, and all was calm and quiet. It seemed that everyone, not currently on watch, was asleep. Rick crept stealthily towards his target, and hoped she was still awake.
"Beth?" He whispered as loud as he dared.
She looked like she was sleeping; her long blond hair was loose and trailing down towards the floor. He told himself that it was fate intervening, and saving him from making a terrible mistake. But then she began to stir, and her big blue eyes suddenly met his in the moonlight. She was about to speak when he quickly moved to her side and put a finger over her lips.
"Come, take a walk with me?" He requested in a low voice next to her ear.
She gave him a questioning look, but slowly eased herself out of her bunk and then slid her boots on.
Rick stepped back to make sure there was no one else around, and finding the cell block to be still quiet, he took Beth's hand to lead her out into the yard.
"Is everything okay?" She asked with concern, noticing how agitated he had become.
He stilled for a moment to take a deep breath, and to tell himself that it still wasn't too late to stop this. He looked into her trusting face, with her long hair whipping around in the night breeze, and he wasn't sure he could go through with his plans. What was he thinking? She was so young, and he was old enough to be her father. But he had to admit that her inexperience was part of her appeal, because he'd never been confident where women were concerned.
"Rick?" Beth questioned as she became increasingly alarmed by his silence and strange behaviour.
He was about to tell her to go back to bed, when she reached over and began to gently caress his face. He felt his resolve crumbling with her tender touch, and he put his arm around her and pulled her to him.
"If you don't want to...? If you're not ready...?" He questioned as he held her tightly in his arms.
Beth pulled back slightly and looked deeply into his eyes, hoping that he would see her answer there. She tentatively moved closer to him, and her lips softly brushed against his. Rick's scraggly beard tickled her nose which caused her to giggle. She felt so nervous, but was sure she wanted more from him than just a kiss. He started to move his lips over hers and deepened the contact, until their tongues were caressing. They stayed like that for a few minutes before they breathlessly broke apart. She giggled again, but this time from excitement. He smiled and grabbed her by the hand to lead her off into the night.
"Where are we going?" Beth asked as she tried to keep pace with him.
Rick didn't answer, and instead he kept guiding her across the yard, until they came to where the partially boarded up school bus was parked. He pulled the door open and then paused at the top of the steps.
"It's not too late to turn back," he said to allow her one last chance to bring them both to their senses.
She didn't take it, and instead she reached out for his hand, to help her up onto the deck of the bus. They quickly made their way to the back seat and he pulled her down next to him. He started kissing her again with increasing fervour, as he eased himself on top of her. Their eyes met for a long moment, and his doubts started to resurface as he saw how innocent she looked. Beth had complete trust in him, he could feel it, but she was also nervous and was trembling beneath him.
"You're not a virgin, are you?" Rick was amazed at himself for not giving the matter serious consideration beforehand.
He knew, deep down, that she probably was. But he hadn't wanted to acknowledge it, because it made him feel even worse about what he was thinking of doing.
Beth hesitantly nodded in silent confirmation, and looked mortified.
"I thought maybe you and Jimmy..." he said, knowing full well he was reaching for excuses.
"No. I only dated Jimmy for three months, and daddy was quick to remind him that he owned a shotgun, and he knew how to use it," she explained.
"Yeah? Well Hershel still has a shotgun," Rick said with alarm.
Beth laughed nervously.
"Your first time shouldn't be like this," he said apologetically.
She began to feel sad, as her mind filled with thoughts about past expectations, and her eyes brimmed with tears.
"I was going to wait until my wedding night. I always thought my first time should be with my husband, whoever he turned out to be," she explained with embarrassment over her naivety.
Rick sighed as he removed himself from her, and then he sat back against the seat. Beth looked over at him with despondency, as she feared that she had messed everything up.
"You could still have that. I mean, look at Glenn and Maggie. They managed to find each other in this crazy world," he said.
"So did we," she said pointedly as she reached out to him.
Rick recoiled from her touch and started to shake his head.
"No. This isn't some written in the stars kind of deal. I'm not your Prince Charming; I'm a man who's old enough to be your father. I'm so sorry; I should never have brought you out here," he said with deep shame for not conquering his urges.
Beth began to get angry at his reticence, his contriteness, and mostly, by his lack of faith in her.
"You're old enough to be my father, and my actual father is old enough to be my grandfather. Did you know that my daddy was fourteen years older than my momma, and it never did them any harm. It didn't matter then, and it sure as hell don't matter now," she argued.
"And I know you're not my Prince Charming; he probably got bit or eaten a long time ago, along with the horse he shoulda rode in on," she said with exasperation.
To her complete surprise, Rick suddenly burst out laughing.
"Y'know, I actually rode into Atlanta on a horse, and it did get eaten," he explained.
Beth looked at him with shock for a moment, before she started giggling too.
"Oh, no, Poor horse," she said guiltily.
"You might not be bothered about our age difference, but what about your father, and Maggie?" Rick questioned when they had composed themselves again.
"It ain't none of their business. I might be young, but this world we're living in now. ain't what we thought it was gonna be. I remember when I was seven, and my daddy was explaining the circle of life to me, after our old family dog had to be put down. He said, we are all born to die, and none of us knows the day or the year, and that all we can do is to make the most of every second. The circle of life might have gotten bent out of shape lately, but those same principles still hold true," Beth stated with resolve.
Rick thought about her words and then he began to slowly nod.
"Y'know, you're right," he said.
"If we deny ourselves the few pleasures this life holds, and the chance to love and be loved, we might as well be dead."
"It ain't no sin to be glad you're alive," Beth said recalling a song lyric she'd once heard.
She reached out to Rick and began to gently coax him back over to her side. He willingly repositioned himself on top of her and they began to kiss. His hands started to explore her body and she shuddered with anticipation beneath him. He carefully undid the button on her cut-off jeans, and she helped by shimmying out of them as he tugged at the fabric. She could feel that he was growing hard against her, and she moved to release him from his own restraints. He began to gently stroke between her legs to make her as ready as she could be for him. Then he fumbled for the packet of condoms, and she helped him to slide one over his hard length. The feel of her loving touch as she moved her soft fingers over him made him gasp with pleasure.
"Ready?" He whispered as he positioned himself between her legs.
Beth nodded with certainty, but he could still see the anxiety in her eyes. They both knew it was only her fear of the unknown. He eased himself inside her as slowly and carefully as he could, to give her time to adjust to him. She cried out with a mix of pleasure and pain, as she felt a slight tearing sensation. But the discomfort soon gave way to a more enjoyable feeling as Rick gradually picked up pace and began to stimulate her with his fingers. It felt like her body was sparking with electricity and all of her nerves began to vibrate in unison. She could feel the pressure building inside of her as his movements became more frenzied. The force of her first orgasm took her by surprise, and Beth couldn't stop an involuntary giggle from escaping her as she came. Rick smiled and kissed her as he rode on towards his own release. Afterwards, he held her tenderly in his arms, a place she had often longed to be.
"That was, I wasn't expecting it to be so... perfect," Beth said as she smiled against his chest.
She tilted her head slightly so that her blue eyes could meet his. Rick beamed back at her; he was surprised and relieved to find that he didn't feel quite as guilty anymore. She wanted him, and they both enjoyed it; they hadn't done anything wrong. It felt better than he ever allowed himself to believe it would. It was worth it for her loving comfort alone, and he hadn't realised how much he'd missed this kind of intimacy.
"I guess we'd better be getting back before someone notices we're gone," he said reluctantly.
"Maybe we should keep this just between us, for now, at least," he suggested.
She nodded and understood the need for discretion, but secretly hoped they wouldn't have to keep their relationship clandestine forever.
"I'll speak to Hershel, when the time's right. But he still has that shotgun," Rick joked.
Beth laughed and kissed him.
They began to straighten their clothing, and she took a sharp intake of breath as she pulled her jeans back on.
"Does it hurt?" He asked with concern.
"I'm a little sore, but in a good way," she reassured him with a smile.
They kissed goodnight and returned back to the cell block.
"Same time, same place, tomorrow?" He asked hopefully.
She nodded eagerly.
"No regrets?" He questioned before they parted.
"I'll never be sorry," Beth vowed with a smile.
