Dialing Love

Summary: There had always been something about those dry, hot Quantico nights.
Note: Hi folks! It's been a while since I posted anything CSI-related. I felt like writing tonight though, and despite some desperate attempts, I wasn't able to continue any of my work-in-progresses. I did however write this tiny little thing. Maybe I will write more if any of you would like me to, just let me know :) . Enjoy! X.

The Quantico air that night was dry and hot. The stars however were perfectly visible that night. She sat on her porch, hoping to find some kind of breath of fresh air while she lit her cigarette. A bad habit; one she'd quit years ago. Moving away from all she had ever known though hade made her pick up that habit again. In fact, it had never been worse. She smoked a pack a day.

She knew it was bad but quite frankly, she didn't give a damn. Life was far from perfect these days and she knew that was the main reason she smoked her cigarettes as easy as she did chewing gum. A loud sigh escaped from her mouth. Her watch told her it was four in the morning. She was tired as hell and had been trying to get some sleep since ten and hadn't been able to succeed. Again. Sleep was something she had been missing for weeks now.

If she was honest to herself, she knew sleep had been lacking ever since she had arrived in Quantico. Sleeping alone was more difficult than she'd expected it to be. She was convinced it wouldn't be a problem; she had spent the night on her own for years. The last years in Vegas however, one man in particular was found on her side at least three nights a week. Most of the time that was, at least. A man she was currently missing with al her heart.

Every day she was wondering if she had made a mistake moving away from Vegas. Moving away from the only man she knew she would be able to spend the rest of her life with. Deep in her heart, she knew it had been the right thing to do. She needed something new, something fresh… A challenge, excitement.

But instead of leaving and pretending their relationship had been nothing more but a simple fling that had lasted for longer time than usual, she should've told him the truth. Tell him that she indeed loved him more than she could describe. Tell him he would've been the only one that could've made her stay in Vegas.

Her cigarette was done and she lit another one, inhaling deeply. God, that man was still driving her insane. Thinking about him hurt. Why had she been stupid enough to let him go? To let him walk away and throw away everything she had been trying to work for for years.

"You stupid bitch…" She'd mumbled the words before she'd realized she was actually talking out loud. But what the heck, nobody could hear her anyway.

She cursed herself. She had everything she needed back in Vegas. A steady job, a great group of friends, a beautiful home and a man she loved. And who loved her back. Why the hell had she decided it was necessary to reach for something bigger, better, more exciting? Why did she always have to pick excitement over steady?

He had never called her once she had settled in Quantico. He had been calling her multiple times the day she'd left. She had never answered any of his calls. Back then, she had been positive it would've only caused more pain, on both sides. Thinking back though she was convinced she had been scared to answer her phone that day; she knew he would've been able to convince her to stay in Vegas within minutes.

It was hard admitting to herself that she missed him. It was even harder to admit that she knew it was her own fault. She was the only one who could've turned things around back in the day. And she had been too afraid to do so.

Her instincts took over when she grabbed her cellphone and dialed an all too familiar number. She pressed the end-the-call button immediately. She was scared. Again.

"Always scared of every fucking thing that could make life better…" She wanted to throw the thing away but instead grabbed it again and dialed his number one more time. This time, she wouldn't back out though.

The disappointment was immense when she heard a female voice say: "You've reached the voicemail of Louis Vartann." Her first response was to end the call and feel miserable again. Instead of doing so though, she decided to take a chance. One simple movement. Perhaps it would be ignored, perhaps it would work.

After she'd heard the beep, she took a deep breath. "Lou? It's me… Catherine. I'm sure you don't really care, maybe don't want to care… But I…. I'm sorry. So sorry. I know it isn't much but I truly am. I… Could you… If you want to, give me a call. Please… I.. God… I wish I had done things different…"

The moment she ended the call she realized the words she'd uttered seconds ago were registered. Registered on the phone of the man she loved. Registered on a voicemail message he would eventually listen to.

Perhaps it would do nothing. Perhaps he would just listen to it, make himself angry about it and then delete it, without saying a word to her. But perhaps he would give her a call, or just text her. She wasn't sure. But she hadn't been afraid this night. Tonight, she had taken matters into her own hand. She wasn't sure if it would end up for the better, but at least she had tried.

She flicked her cigarette away before standing up, taking a deep breath. This time however, it wasn't out of despair. There was a little spark of hope flowing through her veins. Perhaps tonight she would get some sleep again.

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