Moment of Truth

This was the moment when friendships were tried, morals challenged, and trust tested.

Would she be able to resist the temptation?

In front of Kairi Uchida was her laptop. She kept her eyes trained on the keyboard, and dared not look up until she arrived at a firm decision. Her best and closest friend, a boy named Sora Hikari, had finished using her laptop ten minutes ago, but he forgot to do one very important thing:

Log out.

Her laptop was currently logged into his mooglescribe account, which was his personal blog. He was an aspiring writer with great talent. He posted loads of entertaining things about life. When she noticed that he was still logged in, she quickly glanced through his archive and recalled some of his best posts, but she encountered something she didn't expect: his private entries.

One of them was titled: My Secret Love. The second she read it, the possibilities exploded in her imagination. Dozens—nay—hundreds of girls flashed in her mind, all of them students from school. Which one of them was the lucky girl? He never showed any interest in girls, so to learn that he had a "secret love" was shocking. She thought it was rather romantic of him to hide his feelings in a private blog entry. It was sweet.

But.

To sneak a peek would be the grossest violation of his privacy, and a total betrayal of his trust. She should just log out and forget about it. Next time she saw him, she'd simply warn him to log out next time… Damn it, the curiosity was too much!

She gripped her head and agonized over the decision. She couldn't step over that line, but she wanted to know, but she couldn't, but she had to find out, but—argggghh!

She slammed her fist on the keyboard and the webpage changed. Oh no, she didn't mean to do that but…it was an accident. Okay, one sentence won't hurt—or just a paragraph. Sora was pretty long-winded when he wanted to be. She'd probably end up reading a fraction of it anyways, so a page won't hurt. Yeah, that was it.

Alright then, so who was Sora's secret love?

I have a confession to make. This isn't something I say lightly, so bear with me if it takes me awhile to actually type it out. It's dumb, but I gotta hem and haw until it falls into place. I guess it's just a matter of gathering up courage. Shit, this is pretty hard. Even though nobody knows this, I am completely head-over-heels, daydream-at-the-worst times, stupid-grin-on-my-face, can't-get-her-out-of-my-head, in love with a girl.

That's right. The great Sora Hikari, the one guy that everybody secretly thought was asexual, has actual signs of a romantic heartbeat! You can say the reason it doesn't look like I was interested in anyone is because I was interested in only one person, my one true love. But what does an idiot like me know about love? Not a whole lot, but out of all the words in the dictionary, it's the only one that fits. And that really freaks me out. I'm hoping somebody could slap some sense into me and tell me that I'm not in love with her.

I thought, maybe, you know, this was just a crush. It happens, even to little kids. Nothing wrong about that. But can I really call this a crush if it's lasted for the last five years already? There's gotta be a time limit qualifier for "crushes."

I considered the possibility that it was just an infatuation, but that falls into the same trap as a crush. This goes beyond the surface level, it's gotten to the point of obsession, and that scares the shit out of me. Love—it's a crazy word. It has a ton of different meanings. You got love between parents, love between siblings, and love between friends.

I'm already friends with her, but I definitely don't feel the same things for her as I do for my other friends. There's a very fine difference between her and everyone else. The difference? Well, I want to fuck her, and do all sorts of dirty things to her. Let's not beat around the bush here.

Which brings us to the next possibility—it's just lust. I'm a high school junior for god's sake; you can't blame me for having urges. Seeing as how she's the closest female to me, she probably became a natural target for my needs. It's a man thing. I gotta nail that badge of honor before I graduate. Maybe once I get it done with, that'll be the end of it, and I won't be feeling like this anymore.

But that's not right either.

Not only would it be a massive dick move (that's what she said) to screw her over like that, but I can't imagine screwing any other girl. I mean, if some girl stripped down and start rubbing herself against me, then yeah, maybe, but it wouldn't feel right at all.

The only girl I can rub one out to is her, which is kind of weird since I've got pictures of her since she was a little girl, but I obviously don't use those. Instead, I use a picture of her from our trip to the beach last summer. Oh man, if she knew what I was doing, she'd probably kill me and not even have the decency to wait until I was asleep to do it.

But it's getting to the point where I really can't stop thinking about her. It's not like I want to, but I end up fantasizing in class. Before I know it, the teacher calls on me and I've got a raging boner from daydreaming bedroom scenes for the last ten minutes. Talk about awkward. And it builds up throughout the day. I can't really concentrate until I get my "release" at home. It sounds like I'm a huge pervert, but it's not like all I ever think about is the different positions I can fuck her in. I am totally willing to give her a head too. It's all about reciprocity. Gotta return those favors..

Sometimes, I get these wild ideas for dates that never happen except in movies. I want my special sunset too, like a private concert at the beach with her favorite artist, Julia Heartily, playing the piano for us. Fireworks explode in the sky and the moonlight shines on us as we waltz on the sand. There are candle-lit tables filled with only the finest cuisine. Hell, I'll be satisfied with just holding hands on a normal stroll through the park. I want those tender moments where we lay on the couch together and go on movie marathons. I want to walk into a restaurant and become the instant envy of all the guys in the room. I think up a lot of stupid stuff. But even something like us catching each other's gazes and smiling would make me really happy.

And I really want to nuzzle my face into her breasts.

That aside, there's really no way to explain this other than accept the fact that I'm in love with her. It's a wonderful thing, right? So like, why haven't I just asked her out and turned my fantasies into reality already? Well…it's a little complicated. I mean, I've known this girl for a long time already, and it all started in middle school. She's the first girl to give me those funny feelings— the so-called butterflies in my stomach. It's definitely the case where, the longer I wait, the worse off I am. It's an impossible proposition really. She probably thinks of me as a brother, which is totally awesome for me, since girls always dig their brothers. A man can only dream. I'm totally screwed, and not in a good way.

I guess the only way I can get over her is to just confess. If it works, then awesome! If not, then I guess things will be weird for a little while. And if it breaks our friendship apart, then hell, fuck it. She'll probably think I'm joking at first. I don't know if I can take the suspense. It'll be great if she automatically realizes she loves me too, but realistically, she'll probably need some time to think about it. That's the moment of pure torture right there. Not knowing whether she'll say yes or no after you lay it out on her.

So, that's pretty much it. I didn't expect this post to balloon this large, but I guess that's what happens when you keep things bottled up. Everything just gushes out under the pressure. I still haven't made my confession yet. Guess it just goes to show how hard I really don't want this to be true, but I have to face it sometime. Ain't nothing like the present.

I, Sora Hikari, am in love with my best friend.

Kairi whipped the laptop shut as soon as she finished reading the last line. Her heart was beating at mach speed and her mind was totally fucked. Did she really just read what she thought she read? She should've stopped herself, but Sora was too good a writer. How could she stop! It was impossible. She had no choice but to continue reading, and with each sentence that passed, and with each hint that was dropped, a sinking feeling settled into her stomach, and she almost passed out by the end.

There was no way in hell Sora was actually in love with her. That was 100% outside the realm of possibility. Nope, she was not having this at all. It was unacceptable. It was a joke—it had to be! He didn't type out her name explicitly. Even though she considered him her best friend, and he mentioned many times that he considered her his best friend, that "best friend" in the post could be somebody completely different. He must have a secret best friend that she never knew about. Yeah, that was it. Despite all that evidence matched up, like the fact they knew each other since they were kids and that they went to the beach together last summer, she couldn't possibly be…

Her head sank in resignation.

Oh god, Sora was in love with her, and she found out about it by reading his private blog entry behind his back, an entry that contained some very frank and explicit thoughts.

"What the fuck am I going to do now?"


AN: This will be a short story.