Hello dear readers!
This new story is totally different from "This is destiny" so get ready for an emotional ride!
Please read!
The story deal with self harm and maybe some eating disorder, along with sexuality and everything that comes with it.
As you know me [and for those who doesn't], you can expect sexual content in the future.
The characters will go a tough journey; experience lows and highs, lose and gain, destroy and build, explore who they are and maybe by the end they'll get answers and find peace.
Or maybe they won't.
*I know from first hand what and how it is to self harm and I'm putting a lot of what I feel and gone through in here.
*The name is an inspiration from "We came as Romans" song with the same name; If you like rock-post hardcore, great lyrics and amazing music you should check them out.
I hope you'd like it and bear with me the hard times to enjoy the good ones.
Let's get to it! :D
I'm not sure how I got to this point; so much has happened in the last few months that I lost track. I feel like I'm a completely different person.
I'm sure that if people would look at me they wouldn't see the difference; I'm the same blond girl, just a little skinnier. They would probably wonder if I have a boyfriend, or talk about the way I dress. As a girl from a respectable family in the community, I'm used to the talking, stares and whispering. People like to talk about my life, they think they know everything and have the right to judge me. But I stopped worrying about those things. I've learned to focus on the important stuff, and what others think of me isn't on my list. Not right now, anyway.
It's funny; I look back at the times when I was younger and I can barely find any similarities. In the physical aspect, I just grow up, but on the inside I'm as far as I can be from the little girl I was. There isn't anything innocent and optimistic about me. If she could see me now she'd be ashamed of what I have become and I don't blame her..
Society's rules and popularity were a big part of my life, too big that I lost my true self while trying to be what everyone expected me to be to fit in.
I feel like I'm in a middle of a war that I don't want to fight and get hurt over and over again. Now I've been pushed to the edge and I need to make a decision - give up or start fighting. I can lose everything, but if I won't do anything I'm going to lose myself.
The worst part is that this battle is inside of me, it's about defining who I am, and deciding whether to act based on my feelings, or the way I was raised.
It's been rough, it still is, but I'm taking a step forward in getting better. Or at least trying, because I really want to get up and run as fast as I can.
This moment will change everything, it can make me or break me, and I'm not sure I'm ready for either one.
The thought of those eyes staring at me and the silent room gives me shivers. A million thoughts running through my mind as I try to find the words to start explaining, my heart is racing and my palms are sweaty.
I have no idea what's going to happen after the conversation, but one thing is for sure - nothing will be the same.
I'm going through all the recent events in my mind and can't help but shed some tears. It's like I woke up from a coma; my eyes are finally open and I can see clearly. All the fake smiles, the conversations about nothing at all, the bitchy attitude, the image that I built for myself.. So many lies; even before I acknowledged my feelings I was fake. And my family loves the fake me; people in town adore that forged perfection and the students in school either fear me, want to be my friend, or live my life. But all of it is a big fat lie and I can't be that doll anymore, can't hide, because it's too much to keep inside. And for whom?!
I've hurt myself too much in order not to hurt them, I compromised enough and I made myself believe that their happiness is more important. I'm not sure I can be fixed, but I'm done causing damage to my soul and body.
Several months ago:
Quinn was laying on her bed, with her eyes closed, just taking a break from another hectic week as a junior at McKinley High. She's working hard to improve her grades so she can be accepted into a good college, but being the co-captain of the 'Cheerios' and part of the unholy trinity that rule the school is exhausting.
There wasn't any big party she had to attend and her parents left her alone, so she planned to catch up on some sleep and read the recent book she bought, but hasn't had the time to even open.
Her phone buzzed; at first she didn't check it, but after a couple more incoming texted she huffed and grabbed the device.
Incoming: "Hola, Blondie! What are you up to?" -Tana
Incoming: "Are you sleeping?" -Tana
Incoming: "Not cool, Q! I'm bored and need to see my best friend" -Tana
Sent: "Obsessive much? Lol I'm just chilling. Want to come over?"
Incoming: "Just parked in your driveway ;)" -Tana
After 10 minutes she finally came into the room.
"Hola, Q" she jumped on the bed and hugged Quinn.
Santana Lopez has been Quinn's best friend since kindergarten and they're the co-captains of the 'Cheerios'. She's 5.5 feet, has black hair and chocolate-colored eyes. Her body is in great shape, she's got ABS, but she's very feminine. She likes to wear tight clothes that show her mocha skin and just a little too much cleavage.
Quinn's parents never liked her. In addition to her being Latina, they also think she's a bad influence on her. Yes, she's an outgoing party girl with an optimistic outlook, but she makes Quinn feel free, and it's a part of why she likes her so much. And besides, her parents hate practically everyone.
"Hey, Tana, what's up?" She put the book on the night stand, thinking she's never going to read it.
"Got bored at home and thought it'll be nice to come see the Fabrays."
"Did my mom say something to you?" Even after all these years, they keep on preaching about Tana's choice of clothing and behavior.
"Nothing I'm not used to." She smiled "And it's worth it, because I get to see you". A goofy smile appeared on Quinn's face after hearing those words.
"So why aren't you forcing some poor boy to take you out to dinner?" She smirked and got slapped on the arm.
"First of all, I'm not forcing them; they get to take the hottest girl in school out, and if they're hot enough they get more." She winked "But tonight I decided we should have some best friends time."
"Cool, what do you want to do?"
"Disney?" If someone ever found out Santana liked Disney movies she'd kill them, but watching them is one her favorite things to do with her best friend.
Quinn went to make them popcorn while Santana picked the movie. They got under the covers and watched it in silence.
When Santana laughed, Quinn looked at her and felt her heart twitching. It's not the first time it happened but now it was different, now she's starting to understand why.
After the movie ended the girls stayed in bed, just talking about random topics.
"I thought we could go shopping after practice tomorrow"
"Oh you need more clothes?" Quinn giggled.
Santana didn't find it funny. "I always need new clothes, especially for the party on Friday."
"I don't know, my parents will probably want me to study.." Quinn's face fell.
"Come on, Q, I'm sure if you want you can convince them to let you stay out"
"You mean lie," Quinn folded her hands over her chest. She wanted to go out with Santana, but she still felt bad lying to her parents.
"Lying is a big word. Come on, for me." She came close to Quinn and pouted.
"You're evil! Fine, I'll see what I can do."
"You're the best!" Santana hugged her tightly.
Quinn took a big breath, taking in Santana's scent; a combination between the smell of coconut in her hair and vanilla on her body. She knew it's not what normal friends do, but she couldn't help herself.
'What's wrong with me?!' She promised herself to stop being weird, but when she was close to her it was difficult. 'Why does this keep happening?!' Deep down she knew the answer, but wasn't willing to admit it.
"Lets watch something else," Quinn got out of the bed and went to put another movie in the DVD player. She needed to put some space between them.
With every day it was becoming harder to ignore it and not think about it, but Quinn was determined not to face the truth and keep believing she's something she's obviously not.
I know it's extremely short, but I promise the next ones are much longer [and better]. And I'll try to update as much as I can.
I'm -not so- patiently waiting to read your reviews. Come on, don't be shy [just nice] and write one! You have know idea how much it helps me :)
Update- I, miraculously, got a Beta! Yay! Expect new chapters soon.
'till next time :D
