Got a bit of writers block with all my other stories and should be doing school work but I was watching or listening to the episode where Dean Porter left and this story came into my head and I had to start it straight away.
So starts off as Dean and Olivia but becomes Elliot and Olivia, you'll love it ... I hope!
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Chapter one
Olivia sat back in her desk chair absentmindedly playing with the Semper Fi medallion around her neck. She was unaware of her new partner watching her from the desk opposite. The footsteps behind her didn't do much to draw her attention either, not till she heard the voice calling her name.
"Olivia."
She spun round her mouth wide open and her eyes wide in shock.
"D-Dean ... What... What are you doing here?" She asked getting to her feet.
He stepped closer to her and smiled gently but she just stood and stared her mouth still open in horror. Amaro came to her side but she didn't notice. Fin however, knew the man stood in front of her and he was ready to step in if Olivia needed him.
"I wanted to talk to you." He replied.
"Talk to me?" She asked in a near whisper.
The scene had caught the attention of Munch who'd come to stand beside Fin also ready to step in if the Detective needed him.
"I don't like how we left things 'Livia. I'm back in Manhattan on a more permanent basis, I didn't want to run into you by accident, I couldn't do that to you." He explained shakily.
"Couldn't do that to me?" She couldn't even put together a sentence of her own.
Amanda Rollins walked into the bullpen from behind Dean ready to say something but when she saw everyone in the room staring at the stranger and Olivia she stopped and watched too.
"Can we go somewhere where we don't have an audience?" He asked nervously looking around Don Cragen had joined them now too.
"What?" Olivia asked her eyebrows rising in surprise.
"Livia..."
"Don't you dare." She said her voice shaking as she shook her head.
"Liv..."
"Don't." Olivia replied turning away and placing her head in her hands as she tried to calm her racing thoughts.
He reached out and gently placed his hand on her shoulder but she shrugged away violently and took a deep shaky breath before turning to face him again.
"Why did you come here?" She asked him, her voice low and threatening.
"Please not here Livia." He replied shaking his head his eyes glistening with sadness.
"No Dean, answer me, why did you come here?" She asked her voice still low, still threatening but shaking with a cry that was being held back.
"I needed to see you Livia, not a day has gone by where I haven't thought about you." He explained his shoulders showing how defeated he was.
"You think I stopped thinking about you?" She asked. "You think a single day has gone by where I don't think of you?"
"No..."
"Do you even remember the last thing you said to me? Or the last thing I said to you?" She asked the tears coming ever closer to the surface.
"No." He replied shaking his head weakly.
Olivia couldn't stop her hand from flying up and smacking him straight across the face with an open palm.
"Bastard." She spat.
No one moved to stop her, not even the two Detectives who didn't know Dean Porter and what he had done, they could see by the other peoples reaction that the man deserved that smack.
"Livia please?" He replied as his hand cupped his stinging cheek.
"Go Dean, please go." She pleaded her voice now trembling.
"Livia I can't do that, not till you've heard me out, please I'm begging you." He whispered desperately.
She stood there her mouth wide open somewhere between a laugh and a cry as she tried to figure out what to say to him.
"I'm so sorry for what happened Olivia but I can't fight this anymore, it kills me, everyday it's killed me remembering what I did to you." He explained.
"Kills you?" She asked the tears prominent in her eyes now. "You know what keeps going through my mind Dean? When you shot that gun towards him, when he held a gun to my head did you even consider the possibility of hitting me? Or me becoming collateral damage from his gun firing in his hand as your bullet hit?" Olivia asked. "Did my life matter to you or that moment or just your case?" She spat both her hands clashing into his chest knocking him back a step.
"Livia, please, of course I was thinking of you. When I shot my gun... killing the bastard with his gun to your head was all that mattered to me." He replied. "When Stabler held you I wanted to pick you up and hold you tight I could see how shaken you were and I just wanted to hold you."
"Hold me? You shot and were inches away from shooting me! You could have caused my death!" She spat angrily.
"Livia please don't I haven't been able to forget that moment, do you know how much times I've replayed that scene over and over but the bullet hits you and I lose you forever?" He asked desperately.
"You didn't give me much consideration when you walked out of here with a murderer though did you." She hissed.
"That's unfair Olivia it was work. I was just doing what I had to do, it was a ..."
"Matter of national security I know." Olivia replied. "You still don't know what the last thing you said to me was? It's what made me move on from you."
"I don't remember Olivia." He replied.
"You said our feelings didn't matter!" She screamed. "You said our feelings didn't matter seconds after I told you I trusted you!"
He grabbed the wrists that had begun hammering at his chest and her head fell forward in wracked sobs.
"I'm so sorry Olivia. Please believe me I am so sorry." He whispered as her hands dropped down and wrapped around his back.
"You left me." She cried. "You left me after I let you in."
"I know. I haven't been able to forgive myself for what I did." He whispered as he held her, one hand on her back one stroking her hair as he kissed the top of her head.
"You left." She whispered weakly.
"I didn't want to, every day I wanted to come back and tell you how much I love you Olivia, I haven't stopped loving you." He whispered.
Everyone in the room just stared at the scene that had unfolded in front of them. It had gone from anger to frustration to heartbreak to confessions of love in minutes. Fin, Munch and Cragen shared a knowing look while Nick Amaro and Amanda Rollins just looked confused.
"I've got you Livia, and I'm not going anywhere." Dean whispered as he soothed her tears.
She was hysterical, it wasn't just because Dean had come back, she'd lost Dean and that was hard enough but then she'd lost the person who'd held her together after he left and now Dean was back and she knew if she'd had Elliot she'd have told Dean where to go but without him to make her strong she realised how much she'd missed Dean Porter the FBI agent who'd broken her heart.
"Captain Cragen can I take her from here?" Dean asked calling over to the aging Captain.
"Only if she wants to go with you." He replied shoving his hands in his pockets and breathing in making his chest bigger.
"Livia come on let me get you out of here." He whispered.
She could only nod so he grabbed her coat and wrapped it round her shoulders.
"I'll bring her back." He replied knowing the Detectives wouldn't rest unless they saw her again.
Cragen nodded and he could only watch as Dean Porter led a still sobbing Olivia out of the room.
The squad room stayed silent for a few minutes trying to process what they had just witnessed.
"Ok someone going to tell me why I've just witness my partner smack a man then crumble in his arms?" Amaro finally asked breaking the silence.
"That was FBI Agent Dean Porter." Cragen replied.
"Ok?" Amaro asked still none the wiser.
"Dean Porter was Olivia's case agent when she went undercover to try and bring down some eco-terrorist organisation, turned out they had her with the wrong group and then they ended up working a sex crime together before she came back. He did her some favours when her brother was accused of rape, her brother went on the run and Olivia gave him some money helping him skip bail and Dean Porter help her out, he also hid to stop him being served with a subpoena so she didn't have to appear in court where it would have come out that she helped a known felon skip bail but she ended up handing herself over to IAB and getting suspended anyway. They fell for each other, they hid it well but we all knew they did, Stabler knew that he was no good for her and tried to keep them apart by acting like a jealous ass but then on that same case Olivia was held at gun point and I mean literally in the temple and uh ... well Dean Porter shot from a distance got the perp but Olivia was shaken for a while after and then she invited him over to her place for dinner while Elliot and Morales hid in her bedroom getting information from his phone ... she admitted she was making out with him when I called to catch him, she even admitted that she didn't want to answer the phone and catch him red handed, I was ordered to let him and the killer walk out the back door as it was a matter of national security, Olivia never really got over it." Cragen explained as fully as he possibly could knowing that Olivia would never tell her partner and Rollins but they would have found out by other means if they tried.
"Wow." Amaro replied his hand rubbing his chin in thought.
"Yeah, Olivia fell in love and that love left her, the last thing she said to him was 'I trusted you.'." I was stood behind the two way watching in and I'll never forget her turning to the two way and looking through it, like she could see me there, she was broken." Cragen explained his heart almost breaking just remembering.
"So why she gone with him?" Rollins asked stepping forward.
"Olivia never stopped loving him." Munch replied honestly.
"That was obvious." Rollins laughed weakly. "So what do you think will happen now?"
"They'll talk." Cragen replied. "Olivia will make a decision, hopefully it will be the right one."
"And what is the right decision Cap?" Amaro asked feeling very protective over his partner.
"Which ever one Olivia makes." He replied before stalking off into his office.
The four detectives looked around at each other, all of them thinking about the female detective they knew for being strong, a voice for victims and an all round kindred spirit who they'd just witness fall to pieces in front of their eyes.
"I swear if Porter hurts baby girl again I'll have his balls on a chopping block." Fin spat, Olivia was like a sister to him and he wasn't going to watch her get hurt again.
"You'll have to get to him before me." Amaro replied.
"Oh come on guys can we at least wait and see what decision Olivia makes first? She might tell him to get lost and we won't have to worry but if she takes him back then we have to just make sure he isn't going to hurt her again." Rollins replied knowing the men were becoming over protective before needing to.
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Dean and Olivia sat on the couch in her apartment in silence, the last time they'd been sat here they'd passionately made out while they stitched each other up in the process. Dean looked at her, he didn't know what was going through her mind because her tear streaked face was cold and indifferent.
"Olivia..." He began but she put her hand up to stop him.
"Why did you come back?" She asked weakly without even looking at him.
"A promotion came up and when I saw it would land me a permanent job here in Manhattan I applied for it." He explained.
"Why?" She asked.
"Because it meant I could come and see you and hopefully give us another chance." He replied honestly.
"There never was an 'us' Dean, not really." She replied her head slowly turning till her dark brown eyes latched onto his.
"I wanted there to be, want there to be, more than anything in the world Olivia." He replied gently. "The promotion I've been offered will require me to work closely with SVU, it's to bring in rape as federal cases but I won't take it unless you want me to." He told her.
"So are you only talking to me because you want this promotion?" She asked needing to hear the truth from him.
"I'm only taking this promotion if it means I can talk to you, I don't want this promotion not as much as I want you Olivia, I don't know if you heard me at the precinct but I love you Olivia, I haven't been able to stop thinking about how much I love you and how much I hurt you when I left." He explained reaching over and taking her hand in his own.
"You left." She whispered her voice cracking again. "You left me."
"I didn't want to." He replied his own eyes sparkling with tears.
"Then why did you?" She asked. "And don't tell me it was a matter for national security, tell me the real reason."
"The agents that would have been killed had they been found out, well one of them was my partner years ago, one of my closest friends and I couldn't ... it would have been the same if it had been Stabler, you'd have sacrificed me for Stabler." He tried to explain.
"I'm sorry." She whispered.
"Don't apologise Liv." He whispered wiping the tear dripping down her cheek with his thumb.
"I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to trust you again." She explained fingering the medallion around her neck again at the thought of what Elliot had promised her by giving it to her.
He bought her hand to his mouth and dropped a gentle kiss on it before rubbing it with his thumb.
"Unless you ask me too Livia, I'm not going anywhere, ever again." He promised.
She looked at him. She believed him, and as much as she wanted to tell him to go and leave her alone and never come back again she couldn't because she believed him or she needed to believe him.
"Dean!" She sobbed throwing her arms around him.
His tears couldn't be blinked back anymore as he wrapped her arms tight around her pulling her into his lap and holding her tight as they both sobbed hard.
"I'm so sorry Olivia, I'm so sorry I will never ever hurt you again and I won't let anyone hurt you either, ever. I love you Livia, I love you more than words will ever be able to say and I'll never let you go." He cried as he pressed his temple into her head as he rocked her gently.
"I love you too Dean." She cried.
He squeezed his eyes shut as his heart almost jumped out of his chest, he'd only ever dreamed of hearing her saying those words.
"I've missed you so much." She whispered as she pulled away wiping her tears. "I ... you're really here." She smiled her hands cupping his tear ridden face.
"I'm really here Olivia and God knows I'm going nowhere."
She dropped her forehead to his and closed her eyes wanting to make sure she wasn't dreaming, she'd dreamt of this moment over and over again especially since Elliot had left and dropped off the face of the earth.
"God I've missed you." She whispered before dropping her lips and latching on to his.
He didn't hesitate in latching his right back.
"Oh my Olivia ... I've ... God I've missed you." He mumbled in between the latching and dropping of their kisses.
She pulled away and smiled at him.
"I need to go back to the one six and start explaining myself." Olivia laughed weakly.
"Does that have to be now?" He asked wanting to just hold her for a while.
"You promised you'd take me back." Olivia shrugged gently. "Sooner we go back the sooner we can leave."
"Ok come on I'll take you back and WE'LL go and talk to the squad." He replied before giving her a peck on the tip of her nose making her smile.
This isn't going to be a very long ff but it came into my head and I couldn't resist starting it. xx
