I'm not who I used to be
It happened so fast.
One minute it was just me, Timon and Pumbaa going along with no worries and no plan for the future—except maybe lunch that afternoon. Then Nala materialized, a shadow of the dark past that I had tried to forget. I completely lost my mind that night, torn between the great life I had and curiosity about the one I had left behind all those years ago.
Inquisitive, and a little guilty, I journeyed to the land that had once been my home, certain that it couldn't be as bleak a picture as Nala had painted.
It wasn't that bad—it was worse.
She hadn't told me how even the yellow gold stone of Pride Rock had turned gray from the floating ash of the many fires that ravaged the dry land. She hadn't told me how it was now impossible to tell where the border to the elephant graveyard was, the lands just as bleak and dead now on both sides. She hadn't told me how the great baobab trees and their smaller acacia cousins weren't just leafless, but lay in a scattering of burned twigs and twisted, black charred trunks.
Yes, she had left out a few of the more grim details.
Shocked my friends and I inched toward the once proud structure that dominated the landscape. I felt an anger growing in my gut. This was my home, how dare it be allowed to fall into decay! Regardless that I was not worthy to live here any longer it pained me to see it in such ruin. In my memory the Pride Lands had remained a haven of beauty and prosperity, I had always known what a magnificent home I had been blessed with.
I was still recovering from the shock of seeing remembered places broken and dirty when Scar struck my mother down.
What little grip I had on reality was lost then, the peaceful world shattered as I growled in harmony with a peal of thunder from the approaching storm. Boiling blood and instinct overtook me, burying fear and timidity in an onslaught of anger that clouded my mind until the first raindrops struck my bleeding face and cleaned my eyes to see this new reality.
Now I'm walking to the tip of my old home, the cool rainwater washing away the fresh blood of battle. Blood poured from the shredded pelts of both lion and hyena.
I wonder what exactly I have done.
Maybe I was born to rule, but that isn't who I am anymore. The life I know, the ways of Hakuna Matata, will not bring this salvaged kingdom back to health, there are too many worries here that cannot just be forgotten and pushed into the past.
I have no idea what to do.
Partly in conquest, partly in self-challenge I roar over the battered land. The lionesses, now my lionesses to lead and rule, call back.
I am king now.
Whether ready or not.
Awakening at dawn was a habit that I never grew out of, whether in the jungle, or now back at Pride Rock. The lionesses are usually still sound asleep at this hour, exhausted from a night spent in search of food. Though the rains have begun to return, and the land is slowly turning back to green, prey is still scare, and they must travel long distances each night in source of food.
I don't mind though, in fact I relish these quiet hours in the morning. Though it's been years, the smooth ramp winding down from Pride Rock is familiar beneath my paws, and I see the ghost of my cub self racing down ahead of me. At the bottom, a snaking path has been worn, the dusty ground packed tight as stone from countless generations of paws on their way to get the first drink of a new day.
My eyes are still slightly gummy with sleep when I reach the edge of the small pool, bending over to lap at the fresh, clear water. The taste of it on my tongue brushes back the last remnants of sleep though, and stretching my paws out in front of me I feel…satisfied. Yes, once more I'm beginning to feel like this place is home.
I've begun to make it a habit to circle the border each morning, checking that the hyenas haven't crossed into the Pride Lands overnight to wreak havoc. It was pretty much my first act as king to exile them from the land. It wasn't so much because I had a personal grudge against them—unlike Nala and the other lionesses in the pride. I tried to keep my personal feelings in check when making royal decisions, but there was no argument that the battered land couldn't support so many carnivores. With Scars' death the scavengers were leaderless, and it was easy enough to chase them from my home, though small groups of them continued to sneak in occasionally.
No matter though, it would take more than a few hyenas to truly hurt a full-grown lion, and I was glad of the excuse to wander aimlessly about the Pride Lands. Though of course, such simple tasks can only last for fleeting moments when one is the king.
"Sire! Sire!" Zazu's distinct squawk makes me cringe, already dreading having to listen to the morning report he insists on bringing me.
"Good morning Zazu," I manage to say through gritted teeth. Only two weeks have I been back, listening to this blue hornbill rattle off the doings of every creature in the kingdom, and yet already it has become the bane of my existence. It was such a drastic change from how my life had been before, since I was a young cub I've never had to really sit and listen seriously to someone. Yes, Timon, Pumbaa and I would talk for hours but it was never anything of significance or seriousness.
Now I had to spend every morning sitting perfectly still, And no matter how much I used to like spending the entire day swinging in a vine hammock, the instant I HAD to sit still it became unbearable. Listening as Zazu unloaded the problems of the day from his skinny shoulders onto mine I somehow felt as though the troubles gained magnitude when he passed them to me. Those first weeks it had surprised me how steady a manner Zazu actually possessed. As a cub he had always struck me as a bit flighty. Though most of the problems were quite small, the occasional serious issue didn't ruffle him any. Or perhaps he had changed during Scars' reign, like my mother, like Nala…like me.
All in all though his calm nature led to a very monotonous sounding report, and I always had to fight hard to remain alert. Thinking how I would rather spend this time visiting my childhood haunts, or better still spending time alone with Nala. The mere thought of her brings the ghost of her familiar scent into my nostrils, and my heart pounds harder.
"Sire shall I begin?" Zazu questions sharply, glaring at me for being caught in daydreams. Shaking my mane and reminding myself to focus I answer.
"I'm sorry. Please, go on."
"Well the giraffes have a complaint that the elephants are reaching too far up into the trees and taking part of their share of the food…" My advisors' voice quickly fades in with the background noise and I bite back a large yawn, growing bored swiftly. Zazu always put the most severe cases forward first, if this was the best he had to offer… The slim thread of hope I'd held for some excitement was rapidly deteriorating to a pile of single threads that blew away with the slightest breath. It was going to be a long morning.
"Zazu," I interrupted, focusing on keeping the boredom and irritation from my tone, "Is it really necessary to tell me all this?"
"Of course it is sire!" he squawked in complete shock, eyes rolling and beak wide open from such an absurd question. "It is the duty of the king to handle any dispute within the borders of the kingdom and…"
"Yes but…"
"Sire!" Zazu interjected, glaring sternly down his beak to look me in the eye—just as he would when I was a cub. The all too familiar look made me cringe the same way it did back them. "I understand that you never really enjoyed these meetings as a youngster King Simba," he finally continued, twisting his beak to one side and watching me squarely through one eye. "However, as you are now king it is your duty, nay, your privilege my liege! To keep yourself up to date on all the happenings within the borders of the Pride Lands."
"But I'm not even the one who deals with all the things you tell me about!" I hiss out, losing my last shred of control. My major domo squawked in astonishment, fluttering up a few inches before regaining control. Forcing a deep breath inside through my clenched teeth, I let it out slowly as I spoke.
"The cheetahs will have to bring it up with my mother and the other lionesses about sharing the shade around Pride Rock, I've got no authority about where they hang out in their time off. I can't do anything about the low level of the river either, those old grayscaled crocodiles know the best thing they can do is ask Rafiki to plead with the great kings." Out of air I sucked in another breath. Zazu opened his beak timidly, but I growled softly and he held silent as the tirade continued. "And I've already informed the giraffes several times that elephants are under the jurisdiction of their own leader….oh what do they call him," I muttered, frantically scrambling through my mind and all the new information I'd absorbed since my return.
"Colonel Hathi sire," Zazu supplied meekly, seemingly unsure if he was allowed to speak or not.
"Right, Colonel Hathi," I rumble, taking another breath and fully planning on continuing my rant; then a sick feeling of exhaustion swept from my chest to my throat.
I can't blow up like that…I'm king now, I can't just pretend like I have no worries any more…Hakuna Matata doesn't work here…
"I'm sorry Zazu," I force the words out slowly and steadily, apologizing to the nervous hornbill and sincerely regretting my outburst. "It's just taking me some time to adjust. It's been such a long time since I've had to shoulder so much responsibility, it's…well, a little overwhelming."
It's hard to admit that I'm wrong, and even harder to sit down calmly and ask Zazu to continue with his report.
There's no place for Hakuna Matata here, I kept repeating when I found my mind drifting away from his resumed oration. I HAVE worries now. I can't just let everyone down. I have to be a leader, like my father. For a second I let my gaze slip away from Zazu, eyes drifting up to the blue sky with its wispy clouds, wishing that it were night to I could see the stars. I won't let you down dad. Those days of lazing around, doing nothing for anyone, I'm leaving that life behind me now. I'll be the king you always wanted me to be. I promise.
A/N- This chapter has been sitting on my flash drive for a while, completed and ready to be published. Unfortunately I haven't had the motivation to write the next chapter (even though I have the entire story plotted out). So I'm posting it in hopes that some reviews will prompt me to work on. Thanks for reading! Sincerely, Airezi
