A/N: This story is a little dark, and sad. A lot of angst. I know I'm not the best writer, but I think I'm improving! ^-^ I hope you guys enjoy this! No read on my lovely little bookworms!

Disclaimer: I. DO. NOT. OWN. THESE. WONDERFUL. BOYS. Nickelodeon does at least I think they do… (Haha Nickelodeon is an actually word! I never knew that. ^-^)

I was alone. Finally, blissfully, alone. No one could bother me here. I breathed a sigh of relief. My hands were shaking with what I was about to do. My heart started to pound and I got this sort of nervous feeling in my stomach. My throat closed up and it felt like my mouth was getting dry. I slowly walked over to my dresser. I closed my eyes and took a long, deep, breath trying to calm myself down. It's not good to do it when your hands are shaking. Once I had stopped my hands from shaking I slowly, and carefully opened the top drawer of my dresser. I dug around in the socks and underwear for a little while until I finally found my special little box. Right where I had left it last time. I carefully took the box out of the drawer and sat down on my bed. I knew I wouldn't be disturbed. Everyone went out to dinner and I was alone. They offered me an invitation, but I politely declined feigning a headache. I told everyone I was just going to take some aspirin and go to bed. They all showed looks of worry, and a little concern, but left anyways with condolences of "feel better". Once I heard the door click closed I smiled to myself. They always buy the lies I tell them, and that's how I ended up here. I found the little compartment under the box. It used to be a watch box and for whatever reason it has a little space under the box with a door and I thought that would be the place to hide my razors. Yes, razors as in, more than one. I grabbed my favorite one, the sharpest, and sat on my bed. I rolled my sleeve up and pressed the razor down on my skin. I quickly slid it across my damaged wrist. It hurt, but I didn't stop until I felt satisfied that it left a big enough mark. I watched the blood bubble up to the surface.

The blood didn't really move it just stayed there welled up on my wrist. I used to cut on the side of my wrist afraid that if I cut under my wrist I would cut a vein. I didn't want to die at that time. Then I tried it one day and now? I just can't stop cutting there. Whenever I have a bad day, this is my relief. This takes away the pain of a bad day. My mood has been worse also. I snap at everything and everyone one. I don't know why, It just sort of happens. I run the razor across my skin again. Instantly, I feel some of the pain from today rush from my head into my wrist. Sounds stupid I know. How could the emotional pain turn to physical pain? I don't know, but it does and it helps, tremendously. I stare down at the two bloody cuts on my wrists. I needed more. I usually put at least three on each wrist every time I cut. I slid the razor one more time making this one long, but not very deep. I endured the pain it caused, and let a tear slip out of my eye. I grabbed a wad of tissues and pressed them to my fresh cuts. I had to wait a while for the bleeding to stop, but once it did I moved on to my other wrist. Three cuts just like the other one. I quickly slid the razor across the scarred skin thinking about why I was doing this. Where was this emotional pain coming from? Why did I have emotional pain, anyway? Wasn't I supposed to be happy, after all I am living my dream, but I'm not happy? I'm not happy at all. I'm sad and maybe even depressed. I don't like going with the family anymore, I don't like talking to people anymore, and getting up every day is a challenge for me. I Wish I could just sleep my life away, and never wake up. Unfortunately I can't do that. I have to get up and go to school, I have to get up and go to rehearsal, and I have to get up and act like I'm not falling apart. I have to smile and pretend everything is okay. I have to act as normal as I possibly can around the guys, or they would know something was up. I finished the third cut and grabbed a few more tissues and held them wadded up against my wrist. My wrists stung like they always do afterwards, but it was worth it. The pain in my head was now gone. The pain I felt in my chest subsided as well. The only pain I felt now was in my wrists. The only pain I can endure feeling is the physical pain. The emotional pain is too much. It always was too much. If I hadn't of done something to help myself I don't know what would have happened. I sighed and looked down at the six fresh cuts on my wrists. They all finally stopped bleeding and just looked red and painful against my skin.

I heard the front door open so I quickly slipped the razor back into its little compartment under the box and put it away in my dresser. I rolled down my sleeves and lay down in bed pretending to be asleep. I could hear the guys laughing and joking. I felt a pang run through my chest. I was sad I wasn't there to joke and laugh along with them. I was sad that it hurt to laugh now. I was sad that my life was falling apart and I could do nothing to stop it. Tears burned at the back of my eyes, but I would let them fall. Just in case the guys decided to check on me. I couldn't let them see me cry, and then they would definitely know something was up. I kept thinking about the life I used to have. Before this appending darkness over came me. Before I started to feel the way I did. Before I started to do what I do now. I slowly started to drift asleep as I thought these things. The guys would never know what I do when their gone. The guys will never know how I feel because soon, I will be the one that's gone. I have everything planned out. Tomorrow will be my last day on Earth. Tomorrow I will say my final, good bye.

A/N: Don't worry that's not the end. There will be one more chapter coming. So who do you think it is? It could be anyone oh, and I'll give cookies to anyone who guesses right! Come on who doesn't like cookies?