Chapter 1: Apologies
For the first year that we had been locked in the bunker under what was left of Polis, I couldn't stomach the sight of Marcus Kane. The man that I loved, who had gone against my final wishes and saved me in the 100 chosen from Skaikru to survive Primfaya. When I woke up from the gas induced sleep that Kane and Jaha had put us in, they had to sedate me once again in order to protect both men from my wrath.
That was three years ago. Even now, when I see him in the mess hall or he stops by to talk with Jackson in medical, I have to make myself scarce. A large part of me still wanted to hate him, but after four years underground, my resolve had started to crumble. I missed my best friend and partner through everything that life on the Ark and Earth has thrown at us. It was Marcus who kept hope for peace with the Grounders when we first crashed on Earth. It was Marcus who made friends with Lexa in order to prevent war between the Sky People and the Grounders. It was Marcus who had saved my daughter, Clarke, countless times. It was also Marcus who had allowed himself to be chipped during the terror reign of A.L.I.E One in order to prevent my execution. Everything the man did was for the good of his people, not for himself.
And yet, he had saved me for himself. He had saved me because it hurt too badly for him to entertain the thought of losing me. I knew that he still loved me. Despite the horrible things that I said to him the night Primfaya hit Polis after I awakened, he still loved me, and deep down, I still love him.
"You selfish bastard! How could you?!" I screamed at him. "Our people...your people. You knew what my wish was, yet you still saved me. My daughter is gone! What do I have to live for?"
"Me. You have me, Abby. I am still here. I love you. I couldn't sign your death warrant." he pleaded. "Please understand."
"But you could for the others?" I spat back at him. "It's just like the culling, Marcus. You never gave us a chance to wait for the kids. For word from the ground. Instead, you forced my hand and 300 people volunteered to die...FOR NOTHING!" I was screaming at the top of my lungs now. "WE KILLED THEM AND THE ARK STILL FAILED. AND WHAT ABOUT DOWN HERE? THE SAME THING WILL HAPPEN IF WE CAN'T DIG OUR WAY OUT!"
Tears were sliding down my face, gathering on my desk like melted wax at the memory. I had continued berating him for ten minutes before Octavia came in and calmed me. She had taken me in her arms, whispered Trikru prayers in my ear, and listened as I mourned for a daughter that was no more.
"Abby, are you okay?" The voice coming from the door behind me was deep but cautious, drawing me from my memories. Marcus had kept his distance for as long as he could, I guess. The look on his face seemed as though I was stabbing him in the heart. I knew he hated to see me cry. "Please, Abby, I just want to make sure you're okay."
"I'm fine, Marcus. Remembering things that I would rather forget." I spat at the man. I hated to be so heartless, but I couldn't let him back in. Not like before. Not yet. My heart just couldn't take anymore broken pieces.
"Well, I'm here if you want to talk or just have someone to listen. I haven't gone anywhere. I never will." Marcus replied softly. I could tell he had no fight left in him. It had circled around the bunker that he had been in Command all day arguing with Octavia, Indra, and the rest of the delegates about how to dig our way out. Both the leaders of Wonkru were not forgiving women. They were both of the mind that it was past time to start the process. Marcus, on the other hand, believed that we put ourselves at risk for collapse unless we could shore up the debris directly above us.
"Not like I could forget you haven't gone anywhere." I retorted, the sarcasm thick in my voice and I knew it. I saw him wince at the sting of my words and immediately regretted them. I quickly added, "But thank you, Marcus. Truly. I know the choices you had to make weren't easy, and I know I haven't been the easiest on you. For that, I am sorry. If you hadn't saved me, these people would have been without a doctor."
Marcus replied aloud. "I knew how angry you would be with my decision, but I had to do it. For our people. For our clan." He paused for a split second as if there was more he wanted to say, but instead just shrugged his shoulders.
Wiping the remnants of my sorrow from my face, I stood and turned toward the man. "We are Wonkru now, Marcus. 1,200 strong. We will survive as we have always done."
I needed to get back to work, to get him out of my head. As I walked toward my office door, I passed the man that had once shared my bed. His scent smelled like home, but now it seemed home was farther away than ever making me wonder if we would ever make it back.
"I have work to do. Maybe we can talk later." I murmured as I continued passed him, leaving him to wonder if I really meant later. I thought heard him mumbled something, but I was already out of earshot.
