Disappointment hit me as I stared down at the pregnancy test in my hand, looking up into my wife's blue eyes I could see them quickly change from being full of hope to filling with tears as she reads my face. "Sorry Honey. We'll try again next month." Reaching out my hand to grab hers but she pulled away. "I'm going to late for work." She turns to walk out the room.
"B please, talk to me."
"What is there to talk about it didn't work yet again."
"I know your disappointed, but guess what so em I."
"You don't think I know that! I can't look at you with out seeing how much of a disappointment I must be."
She shaking now, tears are now running down both our faces. I close the space between us and wrap my arms around her, she fight me a first before completely braking. I whisper soothing sounds into her ear as I move us over to the toilet and sit myself down and move her until she is sitting on my lap.
"Look at me Brittany." She shakes her head and buries it deeper into my neck. "Sweetie please look at me." Slowly she lifts her head to face me but her eyes won't met mine, I reach up with one hand and wipe away the tears that are rolling down her cheek.
"I could NEVER disappoint me Brittany." She just shakes her head and looks away from me, she moves to get up but I just tighten my arms around her.
"How could I not be a disappointment." Her voice sounds so deflated. "We been trying for 2 years and only twice has the stick been positive! And" she broke down making me feel helpless.
"Britt Britt, honey it is NOT your fault that we've miscarried. You did everything right. I don't blame you and I really wish you would stop blaming your self." She wrapped her arms around me and buried head in the crock of my neck, tears still running down both our faces. We sat there holding each other until our tears subsided.
"Britt" she lifted her head and looked me in the hours, her faces wet and blotchy but she was still the most gorgeous woman to ever walk on this earth. "I think we should, no we need to take a brake from trying." Fear and anger flashed through her eyes. "I just mean a month or 2, so that you and I can reconnect we've been in different places. Like to day you pulled away from me you never pull away from me." I watch as guilt flashes across her face.
"I'm sorry." It was barely a whisper.
"I just think maybe we need a month for you and me to get back to being us again. I think the last time I took you out on a date was 4 months ago we used to go out on date at less once week."
"I do miss date night." She looks away blinking back tears. I pull her in closer she rest her head on my shoulder and continued and "I miss having spontaneous sex."
"Me to babe me to. And maybe in the second month we could look at different options."
She pulls away from, hurt written all over her face.
"What do you mean different options." She looks scared and I realized that I word that wrong.
"Honey no, I mean different methods go back and see doctor Michaels again get other option maybe try IVF." She relaxes resting her head back on my shoulder.
"That's not a bad idea."
We sit in silence for awhile just think about all that's been said.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"We take a brake for 2 months and we come back and look at it from a different angle."
"I love you." She leans in and kisses me softly. "I love you to."
"How about we head into our room, we can cuddle better there." She nods and moves of my lap grabbing my hand and leads us in to our room. We climb on top of our bed and snuggle. "Do you want to go into work? Or we could call in sick and I can take you out on a lunch date, after a nap. Because I don't know about you all this crying has made me sleepy."
"I like that idea and I don't think I'll be much good a work because I still feel like crying."
"Honey. Okay well I'm going to call booth our offices and then we can get our cuddle on and if you need to cry Hun then you cry okay." She just nods and I pick up my phone and call her studio informing them that Britt won't be into, then I call my own office and tell them I won't be making it in. I then move closer to Britt and wrap her up into my arms and the dam broke and we both cried until sleep over took us.
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