A/N: This is set around the middle of Season 2, I guess. Also, it might seem a little off at first...

Karofsky watched Will through a glass doorway every day.

Damn, that sounded creepy.

OK, so he actually had a little crush on Mr. Schue. The singing, (OK, Karofsky secretly liked singing. Shh…) and his smile were more than enough reason. So he watched Mr. Schue from afar.

One time Karofsky even saw him at the sweater vest sale at the mall! Well… he might have stalked Will and figured out everything in his closet was sweater vests, but… that wasn't relevant.

"Dave!" Will yelled one day. Karofsky turned around and hugged Will.

"Well, that was random," Will said, then creepily held him tighter.

"That was also random," Karofsky pointed out.

" You saying it back was random," Will countered.

"Well, you pointing out something was random was also random," Karofsky replied.

"This is just getting awkward," Will wisely said. His wisest words in a long, long, long, long, long, long time.

"You pointing out it was awkward made it more awkward," Karofsky said. Will rolled his eyes.

"Enough!" Will kissed him creepily, whispering, "hey. I saw you throwing slushies on people and totally got turned on by it." Karofsky blanched.

Then things took a turn for the worst. If that was possible.

"EW! INCEST! I mean, TEACHERCEST! I mean… whatever. TEACHER KISSING A STUDENT!" Rachel screamed. Oh, right, they were in a crowded hallway.

And of course Sue showed up.

"I always knew you were a child hugging pervert, but I thought you were set on the Glee Club kids. Due to their affinity for show tunes I had no problem with that, but a football player?! You've made the worst decision in your life except for the thing you call hair on your head. INTO MY OFFICE!" Sue commanded.

Karofsky sighed as they marched to her office. This had definitely not gone according to plan…

"What seems to be the problem?" Will asked, whistling. Sue shot him a cold glare.

"You're telling me you don't remember groping a student in the hallway like he was a sweater vest that needed an oxygen tank? And you don't remember gluing yarn to your head? And you don't remember that run in with the cops from last week because they thought the school was keeping a beached whale on the premises but it was just you? And you don't remember the time where I killed you?"

Sue started beating Will with gummy vitamins and a huge curly wig. Karofsky screamed and silent reflected on how ridiculous this was.

Will screamed. Every time the wig touched him, he melted a little and patches of his hair fell out. Sue collected the hair for god-knows-what.

"Don't use god's name in vain!" Sue stopped to tell Karofsky. Karofsky gaped.

"How the hell did you know what I was thinking?!"

"I am God," Sue said simply. Karofsky blanched when Sue started levitating. She touched Will one last with the wig from above and he melted completely, turning into a puddle resembling melted popsicles.

Then Sue glued the hair to her own head with a hot glue gun. Somehow, this didn't burn her. Probably because Sue Sylvester is immortal.

And then Sue Sylvester did the strangest thing of all… she started to sing. A song about killing Mr. Schue, but it was still oddly out of character. Karofsky's mouth gaped open big enough for him to be able to accidently swallow flies.

"This is a crack!fic," Sue suddenly stopped to explain, "nothing has to make sense." She started to beat Karofsky with the wig.

Right before he was about to die, Karofsky woke up.

"Man, I have to stop eating gummy vitamins before bed and stop having a crush on Will Schuester."

Wait, he thought, since when do I have a freaking crush on Mr. Schue?!

And then Karofsky actually woke up.

"Damn, that was a weirdass dream… I have got to stop eating gummy vitamins before bed. Wait, since when do I eat gummy vitamins ever?!"

And then Karofsky ACTUALLY, FOR REAL, woke up.

"Man. I have got to stop getting high before bed."

THE END. Or is it?

DID YOU… like it? love it? hate it with the burning passion of a thousand fiery suns? Tell me!