Get a Job!

"Greenie... I be broke!" I whined, waving my feet up in the air.

She groaned over the phone, "No, really? I wouldn't have guessed!"

"Meanie!" I rolled over on my hamburger bed of awesomeness, "Save the sarcasm and save me!"

A pause. Then her full, throaty laugh filled my ear. Chuckling still, she stuttered, "G-get (chuckle) a (snort) job!"

"A," I drawled, "job? Yeah, right! Who would hire me?"

"Strip clubs," she had no hint of laughter in her voice, "Iggy would hire you to do housework, but he'd probably just fuck you into a wall or something" -I made a noise of protest- "while you were trying to dust. Oh, Mattie and Gilbert are looking for work, too."

Strip clubs? With my brother and our awesome friend? Sounded cool to me. "Well, how would that work? Greenie!"

She sighed, "Gilbert's brother... Ludwig, I think? The one fucking Italia, anyway... "Of course she'd remember who was screwing who... "wants him out of the house. He's looking for a place to live. Considering he's not a country, where he lives can't really affect anything, you know? Mattie, however, has a work visa into your place. Find an apartment in New York or something."

"Fine. Strip clubs?" I'd started taking notes, grabbing my hamburger notebook from the table next to me. My french fry pen was scribbling furiously, trying to write down her ideas.

"I'd try 'The Gateway'. One of my human friends owns it. She's epic- almost Poland-like, I think you'll find. Listen to her, Alfred. She doesn't appreciate rudeness. Anyway, she's trying to find people who look like Hetalia characters, and you're the exact replica (as far as she knows). Go there."


We strode with confidence towards the address Greenie had given me, laughing at Prussia's stories. He'd been trying to seduce Austria and none of his usual methods were working. So, he had accepted my invitation, thinking that some time away may be good. He didn't mention Ludwig or Italy. Mattie and I didn't ask. We didn't need to.

"Well, ready for this awesomeness?" Prussia laughed, tossing his arms over Mattie and I.

I laughed with him, "You bet! Three amazingly sexy dudes walking into a strip club? They won't know what to do with themselves!"

"Personally, I think they can all fuck themselves, eh," Mattie stuck out his tongue, lifting his finger in defiance.

"That's my Birdie!" Gilbert ruffled his hair, "Awesome!"

We entered the building. As soon as the door shut behind us, a shriek of pure adoration came from the sound booth above. "HIRED! Oh, Nivi-Nivi wasn't lying~! You are replicas of them! I can die happy!" The owner of the voice leaped from the booth, and managed to land in my arms. How? No clue, dude. None at all. "So strong! I could just cover you with ice cream and lick it up!"

She was a thin woman of about thirty, with gigantic boobs. I'm serious! There's a reason she's a stripper, I think. "Uh..."

"You're America! I love you! Just corner Arthur in a room and ravage him already! Seriously!" How much did Greenland tell her...? "AND you! You're Prussia! Ah~! I'm in love with you! Like, in L-O-V-E! You're so sexy, mm~!" Prussia smirked, about to reply. She wasn't done yet, though. "Canada..."

"Who?" He said, pointing at himself, "Me?"

"Yes, you! You'd make the perfect man for France! Keep that fool in line!" She rolled out of my arms, sashaying up to my brother, kissing him. He gasped in surprise, then sank into it, taking advantage of the situation. She drew away, hazy eyed. "That... that was a kiss. That was what I'd expect from France. I'll be taking those more often." She turned back to me. "How well can you kiss?"

"Erm..." I didn't get farther than that. She kissed me, pulling me down by my collar. I drew her closer, turning the kiss sweet as I lifted her in my arms. I drew away, kissing her quickly and sweetly once more.

"I feel like crying. The moe is affecting me! I need a really, really strong dose of red to be me again..." she collapsed in my arms, "You are too sweet..."

Prussia coughed. The woman drew away from me, kissing my nose. Then she pressed her lips to Prussia's. In seconds, I could hear moans from her. Canada made a face at me, making me cough to hide my laughter. "How long do you think it'll take?" He mouthed at me.

"Fifty seconds for her to draw away," I signed back.

True enough. It was fifty one. "Hired... all of you. But I'm keeping your kisses for myself. Dancers and strippers. I assign you songs and partners, you come up with the dance, I decide whether it's sexy enough. Your pay will be awesome, I assure you."

"How much?" We asked in unison.

She smiled, "How does thirty thousand per week sound?"

"Awesome," Prussia smirked at her.

AN: HEY! BROS! Just to let you know, most of this story is true-ish. None of the names are. LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT MORE!