Antimatter

By tikitikirevenge

Legal note: Nintendo owns all of the characters in this story. They will not own it as soon as my magical time machine is completely built. In the meantime, please don't copy this, and please don't eat people. I do not endorse jumping off cliffs in any manner.

Someone is going to ask about the name. Three reasons: "Antimatter" sounds cool, "antimatter" sounds vaguely like "dark matter", and "antimatter" more or less sums up your opinion of this story – YOUR OPINION DOES NOT MATTER! DIE! GRGH!
So you're reading this. Why? I bet I know. You've read all those stories out there, telling you the "real" story behind the Kirby games. You've read the "real, real" stories behind the Kirby games. This is different.
Be prepared…
…for the real, real, real story behind the Kirby games! All right, only KD3. Okay, it's not official. Granted, I have no life. But nonetheless…

The Adventure Begins

Our story begins, beneath, of all things, an apple tree. This wasn't any old apple tree, mind you. This apple tree was being used as cover. Specifically, a Waddle Dee was digging through the ground underneath the great Dreamland forest, trying to escape the greedy gaze of two Dreamlanders.
It did not.
"It mine!" shouted Gooey, the blue blob-like thing. With a tongue.
"No!" shouted our hero, Kirby, the pink spherical thing. With a mouth. "I found it!"
Gooey poked his tongue through the ground, grabbed the Waddle Dee with it, and pulled it out.
"!" said the Waddle Dee, which didn't have a mouth.
"Mmm…" said Kirby and Gooey together. They jumped for it at the same time, but collided with each other, causing the Waddle Dee to spontaneously explode.
"Bad Waddleh Dhee," said Gooey, tripping over his tongue and landing underneath a coconut tree. He looked up just in time to see the coconut heading towards his face. "No feh fair!" he said.

Meanwhile… somewhere else…
Dark Matter was a strange ball of mysterious energy. He was really, really strange. And mysterious. And strange.
"Ha!" he said, floating through space. "I will eventually conquer the universe! This is because I am really, really strange. And mysterious. And strange."
Dark Matter's plan, as you may have noticed, was to take over the universe. Being the clever strange ball of mysterious energy he was, he knew how to possess people. He decided that this would be the best way to take over.
"It would be easier to possess people than try to become an intergalactic ice cream corporate giant," he concluded. "I can't stand ice cream. It's… too sweet." (NOT that this has anything to do with how Dark Matter is defeated. IF Dark Matter is defeated. I haven't said anything yet. Ignore this whole thing! Please!)
Thus began Dark Matter's plan to take over the universe. "I think," he said, "that I should do it one planet at a time. But which planet to take over first?" He pondered on this for some time, before coming to a decision. "I'll use this non-rigged die (TM) to come to my decision."
And with that, he produced a 54729-sided hyper-dimensional die and rolled it.
Inside the die…
Little did Dark Matter realise that the die wasn't really part of several flashy dice, but actually a small bomb. Fortunately for him, it didn't go off. However, it produced a small slip of paper, which Dark Matter took out.
"I'd better read this," he said, "as I am a strange and evil ball of mysterious energy. And a really, really strange one. And mysterious. And strange."
He read:
There is a minor problem involving the negomisation. Do not panic. Do not shmanicallate, and above all do not create random words.
Press '1' to invade a planet. If you would like ice cream, I suggest you try invading a strange planet called "Earth". It contains-
"ICE CREAM?" shouted Dark Matter. He rolled the die again.
Why not a planet called 'Pop Star?' It's shaped like a star.
"I'm a sucker for star-shaped stuff," reflected Dark Matter cheerily. "I'll invade that planet, then."

Meanwhile… back on Pop Star… the place where we were a moment ago…
"I wonder what things are like on Rock Star?" wondered Kirby.

Meanwhile… on Rock Star…
"Nruff!" said the Nruff.

Meanwhile… back on Pop Star… the place where we were a moment ago…
"I wonder how else things are on Rock Star?" wondered Kirby.

Meanwhile… on Rock Star…
"I am a pyramid," said a pyramid. "I shall appear again later in this story. For now, though, rest assured that I am a very pyramidal pyramid. A very pyramidal pyramid."

Meanwhile… back on Pop Star… the place where we were a moment ago…
"Is this getting annoying?" said Kirby.
"Yesh," said Gooey.
"In that case, we'd better go fishing," said Kirby.
"While completely irrelevant," said Whispy Woods, "I'll endorse the action anyway. What the hey-?"

Dark Matter swooped down and headed straight for the castle of King Dedede, ruler of Dreamland (there's a joke in there somewhere).
"Hello," said King Dedede, who was sitting on his throne. "What do you want?"
"I'd like to take over the world," said Dark Matter.
"Fine by me," said Dedede, reaching over for a glass of lemonade.
But before Dedede could reach the lemonade – he was possessed by Dark Matter! I bet you never saw that one coming! How clever am I?

"Fishing ish fun," said Gooey.
"Yes," said Kirby.
Silence.

Dark Matter zoomed around the planet, growing in size as if he had consumed an extra-large serving of Waddle-Dee-in-a-jar.
"YES! YES! I AM POWERFUL AGAIN!" he screamed in delight and capitals.
Possessing everyone who happened to come near, Dark Matter had soon possessed every person on the planet of Pop Star except for Kirby and Gooey. (Yes, I know about the animal friends; I'm coming to that! Sheesh. And I bet my non-imaginary readers will be worse.)
"Look," said Kirby, pointing to the sky. "A big, black-ish cloud."
"Yesh," said Gooey, choking on a fish. "Ow!"
"Hi," said Dark Matter, gazing down at them. "I should possess you, but I won't, as I have poor judgement, and also because you're currently sitting in a plot hole."
"That explains the talking turnips," said Kirby.
"Not true!" said Grill.
Kirby stepped out of the plot hole, dragging Gooey with him. "So you won't possess us?"
"No."
"Promise?"
"Of course," said Dark Matter, being the gentleman he was. "Would I ever go back on my word?"
"Yes?" said Kirby.
"Curses! How did he know?" Dark Matter zoomed around furiously. "Okay, I'll never, ever, possess you for the duration of my stay here. Deal?"
"Yep," said Kirby.
"It can't be that bad," thought Dark Matter. "It's not like he's that Meta Knight dude, or that Kirby-"
"By the way, my name's Kirby!"
Dark Matter said a… very nice word.