"I love you," Quinn smiled as the words escaped her lips.
Damn it. Finn cursed silently. He hated it when she put him on the spot like that. Quinn's left eyebrow raised in anticipation for his response. Just say it, he thought, they're just words. "I'll see you later," he kissed her on the cheek. As he pulled away, he saw her face fall.
She nodded solemnly. "Later, Finn," she said in monotone, before turning away and walking off.
Finn threw his books in his locker and resisted the urge to kick something. He hated hurting Quinn, he really did. What sucked was that he felt like he had been hurting her a lot lately. He quit his job because it was such a pain in the ass to have to go to work every day in a wheelchair. So with no steady income, the medical bills, maternity clothes, and everything else involving baby-gate were getting nearly impossible to pay for. Not to mention, he was the one who knocked her up in the first place. After all he had put her through, why couldn't he just say those three little words?
"Good afternoon, Finn."
That's why. He closed his locker to see Rachel Berry standing there, beaming. He couldn't help but smile himself. "Hey Rach, what's up?"
Rachel instantly began to ramble on about her day as they started to walk down the hallway. Finn's thoughts were elsewhere, until he heard her suddenly stop.
Finn looked down at Rachel, expecting her to be angry because she realized he was zoning out. Instead, her face was scrunched up in concern. "Go on," he urged.
Rachel came to a halt and grabbed his arm, stopping him as well. "What's wrong?" She asked Finn, who was avoiding her intent gaze.
"Nothing," he lied. "W-we have to get to class," he stuttered, still not making eye contact. The hallways started to empty as the warning bell rang. Rachel rolled her eyes, grabbed Finn's arm, and walked toward the stairway across the hall. She sat down on the first step, placed her bag by her side, and waited for him to join her. With a sigh he clumsily plopped himself down next to her. "Rachel Berry, late to class? That's a new one."
Rachel ignored his jab. "What's wrong?" She asked again.
"It's really nothing, Rach. Quinn's just mad at me." Finn downplayed the situation, wanting badly to avoid the awkward conversation that seemed kind of inevitable. As the tardy bell rang, Rachel raised her eyebrows waiting for the rest of the story. Finn looked away and went on, "She's mad because I won't say the l-word." He glanced back at Rachel to gauge her reaction.
Rachel nodded slowly. "Well, do you?"
"Do I what?"
Rachel looked down at her feet then back at Finn. "Do you love her?" She asked quietly.
Finn didn't know what to say. There was part of him that wanted to say yes. He was crazy about Quinn. She was having his baby. Every time he saw Quinn he thought about that precious little girl, his daughter. How could he not love Quinn? But then there was a part of him that just couldn't stop thinking about Rachel. And that happened to be a very dominant part. "I don't know," He finally said.
Rachel said nothing. They sat in silence.
"Well," Finn said lightheartedly, trying to lighten the mood, "I guess you aren't the best person to go to for advice about this. You're in love with someone new every week."
Rachel's mouth dropped open in shock. "Finn Hudson, I am appalled at that accusation!" She tried to act angry, but Finn could see her holding back a smile.
"Come on, Rach." Finn nudged her with his elbow. "There was Puck, Mr. Schue," he ignored her glare as he mentioned the second one. He knew that if he valued his life then he wasn't allowed to mention that. He looked her in the eyes, and continued, "And, you sometimes seem kind of into me."
All lightheartedness was gone as a blush crept up her cheeks. Maybe I shouldn't have brought that last one up, he thought, feeling stupid as always.
Rachel stared at her hands, twisting the small ring on her pinky finger around a few times. "I wasn't in love with Puck. All he wanted to do was make out and . . " She trailed off.
Finn stiffened at the idea of Rachel and Puck together. He heard the way Puck talked about girls in the locker room, and he hated the idea of Rachel being another one of those girls.
"And Mr. Schuester," She laughed a little, "I just thought the idea of forbidden love seemed . . I don't know. Romantic, I guess." She shook her head. "It was stupid."
"And what about me?" Finn blurted out.
Rachel looked up from her hands and into his eyes. "You? Finn, you're with Quinn. And it's not like you ever wanted anything to do with me. My . . crush on you was just a temporary lapse in judgement." She looked away. "It was a mistake."
Finn stared at her, dumbfounded. "Rach . . " He couldn't think of what to say.
Rachel shook her head, and stood up quickly. As she grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder, she opened her mouth as if she were about to say something, and then closed it. Finn watched in silence as she turned on her heels and walked away quickly.
Rachel's words rang in Finn's head. He pinched the bridge of his nose. How she had gotten the idea that he never wanted anything to do with her, he didn't know. What a temporary lapse in judgement was, he really didn't know. But what he did know, was that Rachel had moved on, and the fact that it broke his heart, made him the worst boyfriend in the world.
