A Man & Circumstance

By: Liz B

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I'm not a savior, forget what you know
I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control.

Mr. Roboto, Styx

John has a very strict schedule on Friday nights. He passes his paperwork off on Fin, pulling rank. Being a Sergeant really had its advantages at times. He grabs a cab, heads up to the north side of the city, just outside its limits. There's a hospital there, well, it's more of a high end hospice, but that's where Amy Salway is. After risking his career to help her, somehow managing to keep it, he's started checking up on her regularly. She's his friend and his crusade. After all this time, he still can't see her die. Amy's ready to go. She's told him so plenty of times, but he's not ready. He's thought more than once she's hanging around to keep him company, just waiting for him to be ready to let her go.

Despite what Casey and the whole squad probably things, it's never been romantic between them. They're just friends. She knows about his father's suicide and he knows how bad the pain is for her. They talk, joke around and debate. Even sick, Amy is a lot smarter than a lot of healthy people. John thinks it's because she has a better perspective on the world than most people.

When he stops by to see her tonight, she doesn't look good. She's been on a steady decline since she took herself off the transplant list. Like he said, she's ready to go. Her face lights up with a weak smile when she sees him though. He returns her smile and asks how she is through sign language. He's been learning it on the side, mostly self taught with a few lessons from Amy, so he can talk to her. As he sits down in the chair next to her bed she returns his greeting and holds her hand out.

"Okay," She says as he picks up her hand. It's cold, so he wraps both of his around it to try and transfer some of his warmth to her. "Dialysis isn't working so well anymore."

"You need to go back on the list." He responds and she just smiles at him, a little exasperation in the expression. He sighs and smiles sheepishly back, "I know, I know. Alright, that's it for tonight. Okay?"

She nods and they talk about work. She asks about the squad, especially Casey who she likes for standing up for him. Sometimes she'll ask about Elliot and his kids, or Liv and even less frequently, Fin. Mostly, he's the one that talks. She's in a lot of pain tonight and it's wearing her out to hold a conversation with him. He keeps talking though, he's her only human connection to the outside world besides the nurses and the TV in her room.

He tells her about his bird, about the latest JFK theories and what he's reading this week. He keeps talking until she falls asleep. Watching her sleep disturbs him. Sleep is one step away from death, so he doesn't hang around long after she drifts off. He tucks her in, making sure to get the extra blanket from the closet and drape it over her feet. Before he leaves, he brushes her hair back from her face and promises to see her next week. Maybe then he'll say good-bye.