Reasons Squee is Insane
Just a few theories on how our favourite little 8-year-old hero got so messed up. Enjoy!
I do not own Lenore, Squee, JTHM, Invader Zim, any other Jhonen Vasquez or Roman Dirge creations (I am not worthy), nor do I own Harry Potter, 8 Simple Rules (thank God), the Matrix, Finding Nemo, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the Discworld series, or Artemis Fowl. Nor do I own an Elmo puppet. How I want that puppet…
Lenore's left index finger fell off and Squee morphed from it.
ALIENS!
A man was in a coma and died after he crashed his skateboard into a freight train, and he emerged in the next life as Squee.
Piggies carried Squee's REAL Momma into oblivion. They tried to cook her over an open fire but she split in half because she was actually an ant possessed by Satan, and Squee was in her core.
He scuttled off under a rock and emerged at number 779, where it was assumed that he was their son.
He was hatched from an egg laid inside an evil piñata.
A piece of spaghetti went insane and coiled itself round and round and round until it became Squee.
Someone lit a cigarette and Squee formed from the smoke.
The tuxedo-wearing-twinkie-cows carried the real Squee into oblivion while dancing and placed a robot cow in his place to make crop circles, but it malfunctioned and turned into the current Squee.
Squee was once a normal kid, but Voldemort turned him into a Horcrux. Dumbledore destroyed the Horcrux Todd and left our Squee in its place. (I think I may have read this somewhere before. Either I owe a Fanfiction writer an apology [sorry! or Harry Potter books have gotten even more bizarre.)
Squee mutated from the sandwich in GIR's head.
A snake vomited him up.
Evil llamas held him to ransom thinking he was Artemis Fowl the First and he got so traumatised by it he went mad.
Johnny has a pot plant and Squee grew on an offshoot.
Artemis Fowl the Second had a sugar crash and imagined him up.
Someone blew up Minerva for being a btch and Squee was found in the rubble.
A parrot snatched him from Switzerland and flew him back to his evil Sorceress's cave, who bewitched him into a complete freak. (This could only happen in Switzerland)
Jhonen Vasquez (bows I am not worthy) eats WAY too many Pop Rocks.
Jonathan Teatime killed someone in Number 777 and this placed a curse on the whole street (also explaining why Johnny is so insane).
He ate too many whales for his own good.
A hideous hag named Ashley made him eat a mug and it drove him crazy.
He read my Fanfiction and it caused a massive internal bleed.
He got so mad at abc1 for showing crap reruns of '8 Simple Rules' that he smashed his head off the wall and caused a bleed.
He crashed a scooter into a human skeleton that randomly appeared in the street and he went crazy trying to figure out how it got there.
A Ninja turtle (I bet it was Raphael, the fcker) kicked him in the head.
He once walked past Wobbly Headed Bob, and we all know what that can do to someone.
Domovoi Butler stepped on him.
Draco Malfoy threw a sock at him.
He is secretly Dobby's son.
A kangaroo stole him when he was 3.
He is actually a clock in disguise.
Remus Lupin tried to eat him during the full moon once.
Pigeons raped him.
Tessa bought him at an auction.
He saw the Matrix and actually understood it, and got bullied for being a genius-freak until he exploded.
Devi put sht in his pants.
He is built entirely out of M&M's and paperclips.
He saw Finding Nemo 12 times.
He swallows his toothpaste.
Spiders took his soul.
So, there we have it. My 40 possible reasons as to why my favourite little hero is insane. Why not send me a review telling me how mental I am?
