Well, I felt like writing one of these, so I did! XDD
51 Ways To Annoy Darth Vader
By silver-nightstorm
Summary: When Mia, a young tech officer on the second Death Star realizes that the end is near for the Empire, she decides to have some fun. She writes a list of ways to annoy Lord Vader… and tests it. Will she survive this experience?
Chapter 1: The List
"There is a disturbance… in the force… Lord Vader."
"What is it, my master? Is it because of my son?"
"No… it comes from within the Star. It is around one of the young tech officers… Mia is her name."
"Is it dangerous?"
"No, not dangerous. But it will test your patience, Lord Vader."
"I can deal with it, my master."
"You may leave, Lord Vader."
"Oh! Just one thing. Lord Vader, you are forbidden to kill her."
~LineBreak~
Mia lay on her cot with a sheet of paper next to her. The words "51 Ways To Annoy Darth Vader" was written across the top.
Mia had been digging into Vader's past for a very long time. Using all of the information she had gathered, she had come up with this list of ways to drive him absolutely nuts. The list continued on like this;
1. think of nicknames for him
2. refer to him as these nicknames in front of important people
3. get said important people to laugh at him
4. pretend to be force-choked whenever you see him
5. hum his theme music whenever you see him
6. follow him around and imitate his dramatic walk
7. offer to polish his shoes
8. offer to polish his helmet
9. ask him if he's handsome
10. ask him where babies come from
11. ask him if he's ever made babies
12. ask him if he's ever made babies with the emperor
13. ask him if he's gay
14. ask him if he's gay with the emperor
15. when he denies being gay, go Dr. Phil on him and ask him how that makes him feel
16. ask him how it felt to kill his wife
17. ask him how it felt to cut off his son's hand
18. ask him if he's a sadist
19. ask him if he's a masochist
20. whenever he takes out his lightsaber, make the lightsaber noises
21. ask him if Obi-Wan is proud of him
22. whenever he does something bad, tell him Qui-Gon would be disappointed
23. try to get him to go back to Tattoine
24. ask him if he's ever visited Naboo
25. replace his lightsaber with a can of spray-paint or silly-string disguised as a lightsaber
26. program his new "lightsaber" to shoot out paint or silly-string when he pushes the "activate" button
27. threaten him in front of high ranking officials so he uses his fake lightsaber
28. tell him the force is fake
29. call him Anakin
30. call him Ani
31. tell him your name is Padme
32. dress up as the queen of Naboo
33. imitate his breathing
34. ask him the same stupid question over and over again
35. call him a liar (for no reason whatsoever)
36. scream "You killed Bob!" at him randomly
37. laugh at his battle plans
38. tell everyone that you're his real master
39. grin suggestively after this comment
40. whenever he walks past you, wolf-whistle
41. dye his helmet hot pink
42. dye his clothes hot pink
43. dye his clothes rainbow colors
44. reprogram his lightsaber to rainbow colors
45. say "he's turned to the gay side!"
46. hold a gay rights campaign, say you have nothing against his sexual preferences
47. after that, say that you really though he was straight last night
48. ask him how he eats
49. ask him if he's a robot, when he asks why or says that you're insane, tell him that you saw his fake dick
50. ask him how Shmi Skywalker (his mother) is doing, look disappointed when he says she's unavailable/dead/he doesn't know who she is
51. (in response to everything on this list) whenever he tries to kill you, sigh and say, "I've always known he's insane…"
Mia was sleeping soundly for probably the last night of her life, at least, if she went through with testing the list; which she was definitely going to do!
Tell me what you thought, please! I wanna hear your opinions! XDD And please please please review!
EDIT: I would just like to clarify one thing. I have nothing against homosexuals, the sexual preferences of other people are of no concern to me. I am a gay rights advocate as well. So the only reason there are so many references to Vader being gay is because it is something that would annoy him, and not anything that I am trying to bash. If anyone ever feels offended by this, please let me know.
