A/N - So yeah, I've been sitting on this for a while. I had 3/4's of it written out since like, last year or something. I mean proper last year not a few days ago lol. To celebrate The Authority's return I decided to finish and post it. The song is called 'Need It' by Half Moon Run and I suggest you all go listen because it's a beautiful fucking song. Anyways...enjoy...
In a dream, I was untrue…Shot up in sweats and I knew it was you…All the while as I traced her spine…You tore up my head, through my peace of mind…
She breathed in his ear as her body rocked on top of him. He could feel every push of her hips, every jagged and hot breath against his cheek. Her breasts rubbed up and down his chest as her chestnut strands clouded them in a shroud of deceit. She kissed him; hard, full of longing, fresh with lust and undeniable desire. It awoke something in him he had never felt before. And he thrust into her intent on connecting their souls. His hands ran down her spine to rest on her hips and aid her deliberate movements. It was pleasure beyond anything he had ever known.
Paul woke with a start, lightly jolting out of his sleep in a heated panic. His heart was racing so fast he could feel the blood beating in his ears. The room was pitch black and it took a few moments for his tired eyes to adjust to the darkness. He let out a weary sigh and absently scratched the back of his head. It happened again.
Another night.
Another dream.
Another torturous trick of the mind.
It was her. It was always her.
Paul shook his head and cautiously stretched his legs under the covers making sure to be mindful of the stiffness currently poking up from the middle of the sheets. His body wanted her more than anything in this world and he had reached the stage where he was pretty sure his heart wanted it too. But his head? A guilty glance to the left was all he needed to know. Joanie was sleeping soundly next to him, completely unaware of his traitorous lust. He reached out and let his fingertips run along her spine absently. The slight movement caused her to shift in her sleep, rolling to her back and growing still once again. Paul looked at her, really looked her, and in that moment knew that he no longer had feelings for her and if he was being honest, he hadn't for a long time now, even before all of this started with Stephanie. A faint shudder trickled over his body. Even the mere thought of her name affected him. It was becoming too much to bear without taking things further.
He sighed again and rubbed a hand over his face. Even that was a lie. They had already taken things further. This had been going on for months. In the beginning his dreams were fairly innocent. When their relationship became physical the dreams grew explicit. They consumed him to the point that he was lying in bed dreaming of her while his girlfriend slept next to him. If he wasn't so crazy about her he'd feel like a bastard. Regardless of his feelings for Stephanie, he still did feel like a bastard. At one point in his life he had loved Joanie with everything he had. But that was the difference. Everything he had was wrestling and he wasn't prepared to give that up. But Stephanie? His feelings for her ran so deep that he was seriously contemplating throwing everything he had away just so he could get a chance to be with her. He saw a future in Stephanie, a future that never saw the light of day with Joanie.
Before he knew what he was doing, his hand shot out and lifted the cell phone from the dresser table. Anxious eyes watched the small screen as various names scrolled along until…Steph. He clicked, bringing a blank canvas for him to send his adulterous message. He didn't even blink as he set the phone back down and settled under the covers. Tomorrow they had a house show together. Tomorrow Joanie was working the other circuit. Tomorrow…Joanie wasn't there. Right. Wrong. It didn't matter. He just needed her and if it couldn't be now, tomorrow would have to do.
"I got your message." Stephanie closed the door behind her, addressing the elephant in the room for the first time since she received it. A faint click rang out signalling the lock latching into place. The small flash of hesitation in his eyes was almost enough to make her ask where he was when he had sent it. It bothered her a lot more than she was willing to admit.
"I haven't stopped thinking about you since I sent it," Paul admitted as he shortened the gap between them. He slowly backed her up against the wall and threaded his fingers through her hair. "I need you."
His whispered words against her neck caused Stephanie's eyes to roll to the back of her head. All it ever took was the simplest of touches and she'd give him anything he wanted. He felt too good to deny it. Because she needed him too. His body pressed into her and she instinctively opened her legs when she felt his hand running dangerously around her right thigh. "Paul…" Her words were swallowed into his mouth as he kissed her deeply, his tongue skimming the roof of her mouth and then tangling with her own. If she wasn't careful she'd forget where they were and have him right here in the damn locker room. And that's when some form of sense kicked in.
Paul once again dipped his lips to her neck as his hand crept under her short skirt but he pulled back in confusion at the feel of insistent pushing on his chest. "What's wrong?"
His breathing was heavy and his confused expression tore at her gut but she couldn't do this. They couldn't do this. It was wrong. "We can't do this here."
"So come back to my room."
Stephanie got her breathing under control and awkwardly tugged her skirt back into position. He only ever invited her back to his room when it wasn't already occupied; when he knew she wasn't going to be there. "Paul we can't…..,"
"Can't what? Hey, what's this? What's going on?" Paul cupped her cheek and stepped close once more. She couldn't bail on him tonight. Not when he needed her this much. He kissed her softly, pulling at her lower lip and stroking her waist with his free hand. "Come back with me."
"And what if Joanie was there? Would you be so quick to ask me then?"
"Steph, don't….."
"Suddenly you don't want to talk about it, huh?"
"I never did want to talk about it. I just want to be with you tonight."
A tense silence surrounded them and Stephanie physically had to bite back her scoff. If he really wanted to be with her he would work up the damn courage to do what needed to be done and they could be together. This whole thing was becoming too much of a mess. "But just for tonight before you go back to her, right?" With more willpower than she thought possible, Stephanie offered a tight lipped smile and left him standing there as she exited the room.
Paul flinched when the door clicked shut. He ran a hand through his golden blonde strands and blew out a frustrated breath. Why did she have to grow a guilty conscience tonight? He was desperate for her because being with her was unlike anything else. He constantly craved her touch and more than anything, the way she made him feel. Now he was going back to an empty room and an uncertain future. With a defeated sigh, Paul grabbed his gym bag and headed for the showers.
The insistent rapping on the door caused Stephanie to pull it back with a scowl. But her expression immediately turned confused when she saw him standing there in front of her. "Paul, what are you doing here?"
"Why now?"
"What…what do you mean?"
Paul didn't wait for an invitation. He stepped into the room, pushing past so her back was to the door. She turned to him, blue eyes fiery with disapproval.
"What the hell are you doing?" Stephanie fumed. He couldn't just turn up like this.
"Why now, Stephanie? Why do you have a problem with this now?" Paul gestured between them. He wasn't going to take this lying down. Not when he felt so strongly about her. Not tonight.
Stephanie signed loudly, barely keeping it together. Why was he doing this and why the fuck was it so hard? It shouldn't be. Why couldn't they just be together and be happy?
"Why!"
"You know why."
"No….no I don't. You never had a problem before yet all of a sudden…."
"I've always had a problem with this, Paul. Always."
"Yet it never stopped you until now. Why is that?"
They stared at each other across the room, the tension palpable. This was it, Stephanie thought to herself. She had to come clean, for her own conscience and probably for his too. They just couldn't keep doing this to themselves…or to Joanie. It wasn't fair. And she was sick of being the other woman. "Paul…"
"No," he interrupted, feeling the anger bubble in his gut. "Why now? All I've done since last night is count the seconds until I could see you again. I come to you and you push me away? I want to know why."
God, she couldn't do this. She couldn't tell him it was because she was in love with him. Not when it could break her heart if he didn't feel the same. Stephanie took a deep breath and tried desperately to avoid his eyes. He was still with Joanie. She was the one with everything to lose. The little voice in the back of her mind told her that wasn't true, because she had everything to gain too. This man could come to mean everything to her. He was already halfway there. That's why this was so damn hard, especially when he was looking at her the way he was. No matter how much she tried she could never stop her body from reacting to him. A shiver ran down her spine as she held his gaze.
She needed him. She wanted him. She couldn't have him.
Paul had enough. He took the few steps to close the distance between them and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Steph…please."
He was practically begging and it was tearing her apart.
"I can't take it if…I need to know. Is this over?"
He swallowed hard and looked her dead in the eyes. If she said yes it would kill him.
"Paul…..just…..I don't know, I…"
"What?"
"I love you."
Silence.
Stephanie turned away from him, unable to bear the embarrassment. It was only when her back hit against the door and his lips came crashing down on hers that she snapped out of her funk. What was happening? She didn't care. The only thing that mattered was how she felt in that moment. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, kissing him deeper. He kissed her back with just as much desperation as his fingers practically ripped open her blouse. She threw her head back against the door, completely forgetting everything that had been said prior to this moment as he sucked at her neck. It was always like this between them; heated and so impassioned at times she found it hard to believe it was real. But it felt different this time. She needed him like the very air she breathed, like she would die if he didn't stay the night. She threaded her fingers through his hair, pulling him back to her mouth for another brazen kiss. When he pushed against her and she felt his hardness pressing into her stomach, she lost it. "I need you," she whispered against his lips but was wholly unprepared for what tumbled out of his.
Everything stopped.
Stephanie pulled back and looked at him with wide eyes and Paul swallowed the lump in his throat. Her gaze was questioning and he nodded his head, providing her with an answer that he should have given long before now. His fingers stroked her hips and he lifted one hand to cup her face. "I love you."
"Paul…."
"I love you." He said again, kissing her softly and letting out a sigh. "But…it's complica…..you know it's complicated."
She'd had enough. Fuck everything else. It was complicated. It was more complicated than either of them would ever know. He'd have to break up with Joanie, they'd have to tell her father, the boys would know they were together, it could ruin their careers. But she didn't care.
Not now.
Not tonight.
Her fingers covered his on her cheek as she leaned her face up to him, kissing him slowly, her tongue exploring every crevice of his mouth. He loved her…they were in love. And if she had to wait for him, she would. They could figure the rest out in the morning. Right now she just needed to feel his skin on hers. Her lips reluctantly pulled from his and she took his hands, guiding him to the bed. "We'll deal with everything else another time. Until then…" she trailed off at the feel of his tongue on her neck. Fuck, she wanted him so badly.
"Until then, what?" Paul raised his head and looked her right in the eyes.
"Nobody else has to know."
If you breathe in, then I breathe in…And slowly let go…If you need it, then I need it…And only we'll know…
