Chapter 1: What can I say?
"Time, time ticking on me, alone is the last place I wanted to be. Lord, what can I say." –Brandi Carlile
I used to walk around school like a ghost, no one would notice as I made my way through the crowd. I was the invisible girl. It's strange because, at the time, I would have given anything to have someone really see me. I felt like I was screaming at the top of my lungs and yet no one could hear me, or cared to I guess. I miss that now, how sick is that? I miss being invisible. Well, I do. I can't go through a day without the whispers, the taunts, the 'pity' looks, but worst of all I can't go through a day without someone mentioning his name. I've never been the kind of girl to back down or to give up, Charlie made sure of that, but with every day it's getting harder to keep moving forward. Charlie's my dad by the way; he married my mom, Renee, straight out of college. Look how well that turned out. He's also the town's chief of police, yeah, anonymity was pretty much impossible after they found out about that. So, forgive me for saying that being invisible sounds perfect to me right now, but it does.
I'm Bella Swan, I probably should have already said that, right? I'm not very good at this 'talking to people' thing, you know? Renee thinks it'll help to talk to someone about it, about him, I don't think she was envisioning this. Although, I don't see the difference between talking to a goddamn shrink and talking to you guys. At least I don't have to see your disappointed, judgemental faces. I don't have to hear your whispers. I don't even know if anyone is actually reading this, if you are then please feel free to leave at any time. It doesn't get any happier than this, I'm Bella Swan, I'm 17 years old, and I'm a mess. Welcome to my life.
It all started on my sixteenth birthday. It was a Tuesday and I was late, I'm never late but Renee rang and it always takes a while for her to get off the phone. She's not one for taking hints. Anyway, I was on my way out when I realized I'd forgotten my textbook for Biology, Mr Banner would have killed me if I'd turned up without it. Charlie had already left for his 'very important' duties doing whatever the hell he does. I wouldn't know as we've never really spoken about it, although how much can the police chief actually do in a town this small anyway? I digress. We've never really spoken about anything of consequence, not for as long as I can remember anyway. It was only when he came around that Charlie had something to say. How ironic, Charlie decided to speak just when I wanted to hide. It seems to be the story of my life; people only become interested in you when they're no longer needed or wanted, whatever, who the hell cares anyway. I'm getting off topic... I was late, so after grabbing my textbook and having a quick look in the mirror, not that anyone would ever notice if my hair was out of place. Despite being invisible I was still a girl, and I still hoped fruitlessly that someone would notice me. Maybe today, this Tuesday, will be the day I'd stop being invisible. If only I had known.
I left for my truck, head down, and hood up; anticipating the ever-present rain before it even began to fall. Living in Forks you tend to get used to it, in fact I'd say my closet pretty much consists of hoodies, sweaters and jeans for that reason. It took a while to get used to at first, especially coming from Florida, but eventually I stopped looking out my window looking for the tell-tale rays of light and resigned myself to a life of rain. Once I was safely in my truck, a red Chevrolet that despite being a bit rusty and old- I loved, I took a deep breath and drove to school. When I finally got there and parked, class had already started, great. I grabbed my book bag and started towards my designated classroom. I was halfway there when I heard a sound; I briefly considered ignoring it and just going on to class. I mean I was late enough as it is. However, before I even knew what I was doing I rounded the corner and started walking towards the source of the noise. There are some days, when I'm feeling particularly low, where I wish I'd just went onto class that morning because what I saw in front of me that day stopped me in my tracks. I found myself frozen in horror; in front of me was a boy, who despite looking in my direction, didn't seem to be able to really see anything. He seemed lost inside his head; I took a moment to soak in his appearance while he stared unseeingly into my eyes.
He looked just a little older than me, his hair a shocking mess of bronze and his eyes a brilliant green, that wasn't what struck me the most at that moment though, he was… he was a mess… a beautiful mess. Even then, despite everything, it was clear that he was strikingly good-looking. Again, I'm getting off track. I had turned to leave to get some help when a sob escaped him, it was the same sound I had heard just a few seconds earlier and something stirred within my heart. I subconsciously took a step closer and that's when I noticed he was shaking, as I took another tentative step in trepidation, I started to see the cuts and marks that scattered his body. I forgot all about Mr Banner, I forgot all about class, I even forgot all about the promise I made to Renee before I left to live with Charlie. I forgot about it all. I knew at that moment that I couldn't leave him there. I had already started to feel queasy because of the blood but then a spark of life started in his green eyes and for the second time that morning I felt something stir within me. His eyes shone with unshed tears, and although he tried to hide it, I knew he was ashamed to have been caught in this position.
If you're still here then thanks I guess. It's been a long night and I know it's only going to get harder as my story goes on so I better leave off for now. I don't think I can delve into it anymore right now anyway. If I'm completely honest I don't really see how this is going to help me move on or whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. However, I'm sure you've gathered by now that Renee doesn't take 'no' for an answer. Well that's another day I've survived, I better haul myself off to bed before Charlie comes to check I haven't escaped my room again, oh sorry I mean before he comes to check 'I'm doing okay'. If only he knew that I no longer had any reason to sneak out now he was gone, and I guess in some respects so was I. I'll be back here writing to you guys after school tomorrow. Charlie is staying with Sue Clearwater tomorrow night, yeah that's another story, and so I don't have to worry about grocery shopping. I'll just order in a pizza or something. Hopefully Lauren and Tanya will be too preoccupied by Tyler's new hair cut to bother me at school. I don't know if I can ignore their presumptions for much longer if they don't stop prodding me for answers. I still can't believe heleft me in this mess. That's Edw... That's what he does I guess.
Goodnight.
Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. There'll be a lot of different memories being explored before we get to the truth of what actually happened, who this boy really is, and how he affected her life, so bear with me. Also, the M rating won't come into play for a while so hang in there ;). We'll also go along with present day Bella as she comes to terms with life with him. The chapters will hopefully increase in length as we go on. Here is a tiny excerpt from the next chapter to keep you going:
"It's funny how you begin to notice things as time goes on. After I finally mustered the courage to talk to the boy on the floor that day, everything changed."
Please leave me with your thoughts, thanks, G.
