"Still asleep…you think after probably around 15 years of doing this at this point they'd get themselves up in fear of getting frostbite…"
"Erm, Flora…I highly doubt you'd actually do that to our masters so there really is no fear…"
"Let's just wake those slugabeds up!"
The two maids approach a short-haired female with a bandage on her nose, sleeping in an awkward skin-tight suit from Zebra's monthly, and a cape on for some reason. Their hands turn a frosty blue and snowflakes sprout out of their fingertips. They gently brush their fingers against her cheek, and she wakes up with a scream akin to doing the Ice Bucket Challenge 7 times in a row with no break. "I'M UP, I'M UP! PLEASE DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!"
Their butler, on the other hand, is forced to wake up the male on the other side of the room. He lacks the ice powers the maids have and doesn't have any hot tea on standby so what he chooses to do is somewhat reluctantly punch the white-haired male so hard in the arm that he falls off the bed.
"Ah, FUCK! Jakob, what the hell do you think you're doing? That hurt!" The white-haired male, a youth of around 18 years of age, stood up and assumed a mock boxing stance. "You got a beef with me? I'll fucking wreck you mate!". His butler merely sighed, shook his head and walked away.
He turned towards his twin, who slept on the other bed. "Good morning, sister dearest," he said. "Why, how delightful a day this is. I wonder what we're doing today? Same shit as always? Feels like fucking Groundhog Day." The prince, known for his laziness as much as his foul mouth, promptly hopped back into bed where a frying pan greeted him, courtesy of who else but Jakob.
"Sod off, you wanker." Corrin dusted himself off was greeted by a chuckle. Who else was there but Gunther? Corrin hated this guy for... some reason. He looked a bit creepy, probably a paedo or something.
"I'm sorry master, but if you don't complete this last round of training, I'm afraid you'll be stuck in this groundhog day loop for another year." Jakob replies with a seemingly innocent smile.
"Oh, really Jakob?" The female twin looks at her butler with a twinkle in her eyes. "Isn't that great news brother?" She happily laughs, then turning to the purple haired man approaching them. "Oh, what do you want you useless unit?"
Gunter sighs a little bit but keeps a straight face. "Your older brother has called for you…I think he wants to meet you on the roof? Perhaps this is the final trial. Fuck this up and you're stuck here for much longer than you want to be."
Corrin yawned but then sat up straight. "Marx is here? I get to fight him?"
Gunther sighed. "It's Xander, Corrin. He was Marx when he went through his communist phase, but he's over that now. It appears you are not." He sighed when he saw Corrin waving a red flag and whispering "Seize the means of production."
Corrin suddenly turned stone-faced. He stared at Jakob. "Jakob" he said.
"Yes, milord?" Jakob replied.
"Will Trotsy be there?"
"I am reliably informed Leo has come to visit, yes." He was then knocked down by Corrin, who was sprinting upstairs.
Gunther sighed. "That can't be normal. They're siblings for fuck's sake!"
Jakob stared at him. "I've seen the shit you're into. You're in no right."
"I'M COMING ARTHUR!" Screams the female sibling, trampling Felicia and following her brother at almost full speed.
Flora sighs, looking at her now unconscious sister. "Why are they such fucking weeaboos?" She then looks up at Jakob. "And who was it that started the weeb phase? Was it Miss Kamui?"
"TROTSKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Corrin slammed into his younger brother, knocking him to the floor.
"Hey, Corrin." Leo picked himself up and brushed himself up, leaving his collar up. He did this because he was a kinky shit who was into pet play.
"Welcome, siblings." Xander was seated atop his horse, which Corrin had nicknamed Engels. Xander was not so keen. "Today you will fight me. If you win, I'll let you go and leave this shitty castle. If you lose, have fun finding any pussy Corrin!"
"It's fine, I have who I want right here..." Corrin blew a kiss towards Leo, who shot him a glare. "Or, if I wanted something different..." Corrin strutted up to his sister and wrapped his arms around her. "She's my twin. I feel WHOLE with her."
Kamui flushed red. Leo looked shocked. Xander threw up a little on the floor.
Jakob tutted. "Corrin, why are you such a fucking perv?"
Corrin sighed. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT I WANT TO BANG MEMBERS OF MY OWN FAMILY, 'K!?"
"Yeah, Arthur! It runs in the family after all! Didn't you say you wanted to drown in big sister's boobs while she does nasty things to your asshole?" Kamui retaliates for her twin, causing Leo to get all flustered and annoyed.
"Well when you're done mentally fingering each other, how about you grab a sword and attempt to beat my ass?" Xander asks, coughing and trying his best not to throw up again.
"Can you let them out even if they lose? I don't think being cooped up in a room together for this long has been good for them…they're still Commies." Jakob expresses his concerns.
Kamui then reaches down her piece of clothing and pulls out two rather long and thick sticks. How she stored them in her boobs for so long no one knows. She holds one out to her twin. "Let's do this."
The two ran out to Xander, Kamui with the stick pointing forward and Corrin with his wood uproght. The author of this section would like you to know that innuendo was indeed purposeful.
Corrin pushes Xander off of Engels, and then the twins thwack him with the sticks. Before Xander could pull out Siefried it was over. "That's for imposing societal norms on me, Marx!" Xander lay collapsed on the floor, defeated.
Corrin and Kamui hi-five each other. Noticing Jakob staring, they kissed each other. Jakob turned green.
Corrin walked back over towards the butler, who was now hurling off of the tower. He gave Leo a light thwack on his cute ass with the stick, causing the mage to give him another stare.
Xander stood back up, wheezing. "Fine, whatever, you little shits win. I can't wait to take you back to father, he'll probably want you two put down."
The two twins ran back towards the stairs, Corrin stopping at the top.
"Marx?"
"Yes, Corrin?"
"How did you get your horse on top of the tower?"
Xander hesitated. "Go fuck yourself, Corrin."
Kamui was first to get down the stairs, and she halts before the blue-haired girl that looks like a discount maid. Focusing on her other attire - a black cap with white text reading 420 Blaze-it in cursive, matching black pimp shades and on her apron is all just pin-on badges with either 1337 phrases or memes such as the Troll Face or the Fitness Gram Pacer test copypasta.
"Aw shit w0t up my skrubz." She greets Kamui.
"Hey Lillith!" Kamiu happily walks up to her but dare not touch her or she'd get 360 no-scoped.
"So tell me w0t happened m8." She asks.
Kamui prepares herself to talk but hears her brother come running down the stairs.
"And I'm telling you it makes no sense! Horses can't climb stairs! Did you like, teleport him in?" Corrin's voice was exasperated.
"Corrin?" Xander's patience had worn this a long time ago.
"Yes?"
"Take a wank. Seriously. Fuck off."
"I'M NOT DROPPING THIS!"
At this point the Prince noticed Lilith standing there. He let out a sigh. "Hey, Lilith."
"Y0 wazzup ma G. Lissen, ma schizzle is tellin me I haf to go the long-haul with yo."
"How joyful." Corrin sighed. "I changed my mind. Can I stay here?"
"As much as that would personally delight me," Xander said "You bested me in combat. So we're off."
"As am I." said Leo. He cast a spell and stepped into the portal. "See ya!" There was a large thudding sound coming from next door. "SHIT! WRONG SPELL! LET ME OUTTA HERE!"
"Oh! I think I know that one! Shouldn't it go like: Santo rita meat mater ringo jonah tito marlin jack latoya janet michael dumbledora the explorer?" Kamui spouts. It sounds like complete fucking gibberish.
All that is heard in response is "SHUT UP YOU WEEB THAT'S NOT A SPELL!"
Everyone then turns back away from the source of the yelling. "Well, we have to go check back with father first, don't we?" Kamui brings up.
"Correct. Felicia and I will be accompanying you both, Flora will have to stay here for plot reasons." Jakob says with a forced chuckle.
"Oooooooooh, plot reasons. The best kind of reasons." Corrin chuckled. "Are we ready to go?"
"Yes, milord." Gunther was already seated on his horse. The poor horse looked ready to collapse under his weight since he insisted on riding bareback (ehehehehehe).
"Wait, where's my horse?" Corrin noticed there we no horses left. "Don't make me fucking walk across this shitehole of a country."
"No problem, milord." Felicia bent over and placed her hands on the floor. Corrin straddled her back. Jakob did the same for Kamui.
"I could get used to this." Corrin said. "Can you neigh for me?"
"Neigh." Felicia said, clearly not enjoying this as much as Corrin was.
"Ooooooooh yesssssssssss..."
"D-does Milady wish for me to do the same?" Jakob asks, not very keen on the answer as shown in his reluctant and regretful tone of voice.
"We aren't cutting corners here, we have unlimited budget to make you do anything, so neigh fucker." Kamui insists.
With a heavy sigh, Jakob neighs and then shoots a cold glare at Felicia. "This is all your fault."
"K den m8s let's get roooiiiiiite into da plot shall we?" Lilith asks almost rhetorically, now putting on a fake gnome goatee and putting a dumb beanie over her hat, now looking ready to read up some twitter drama.
"Let's go then!" Kamui happily squeaks. "This plot can't wait!"
