Disclaimer: I don't own these characters' names at all. They may or may not behave like the characters you know from WOWP & Camp Rock.
Let me know what you think. It's probably not going to be what some are expecting/hoping for, but it's what I'm choosing to write this time around.
Faded Silhouettes
Buried Truths
Everyone looked at her grieving boyfriend after it happened. The day before, he'd dumped her, so some blamed him, but others pitied him. All of them stared and, for the first time, I was happy I wasn't him.
Everyone was curious about the note she'd left. It was addressed to him and he hadn't shared a word of it with anyone. I was dying to get my hands on it, because I needed answers, needed closure.
No one stared at me the way they stared at him; they hardly looked at me. Once in a while, if they saw me with someone who was closer to her than I appeared to be, their eyes might linger, trying to figure out if I was upset, if they should ask if I was okay…if I even knew her. Nobody knew we met up every Friday late at night, after she'd leave Shane Gray's house. We'd always meet in the secluded part of the small park by the lock and dam. Sometimes, we'd talk, but mostly we'd fool around. Nobody knew I knew her better than her boyfriend, or at least, I thought I did until she blew her brains out last Monday morning before the first bell.
Grief counselors had been brought in, but I wasn't sure what to say to them. So, when I was called into the office to meet with one, I lied.
There wasn't anything else I could do, but wonder what had been in her note to Shane. Every day after the day it happened, he had been absent; I figured he couldn't take all the staring. I knew I wouldn't have handled it well.
It was Tuesday; a week had passed since it happened. I knew he probably wouldn't be in class again, but despite this assumption, I stared at his empty seat as the bell rang, signallig the beginning of English class. I was trying so desperately to will him into the seat. Feeling like a failure after five minutes of no results, I let my attention slide to Mr. Potts as he was explaining the dynamic between Huck Finn and Jim.
The door squeaked open several minutes later and my head jerked away from the teacher to the boy standing in the doorway. His baseball tee looked baggier on him than usual, so did his ugly tight-fighting pants. A paler, thinner Shane Gray handed a sheet of paper to Mr. Potts and took his seat in front of me. Before he sat down, I noticed bags under his eyes and wondered if they were from crying or lack of sleep, or both.
I flipped to the back of my notebook and scribbled, "We need to talk" and tore out the strip of my lined paper. "Shane." I said it as quietly as I could before Mr. Potts turned back to face the class.
He turned and looked over his shoulder. He mouthed, "What?"
I held my piece of paper up and he took it quickly.
He read it and looked at me, frowning. "Why?" he said voicelessly.
I scribbled "I need to ask you something" on the paper still in front of me and tore that strip out, handing it to him.
He read it, eyed me and turned around; I saw his hand moving and my heart pounded with anticipation.
He slid it back onto my desk quickly.
I unfolded it: "Lock and dam park, 4 pm, today."
#
I sat in my car, waiting for Shane to pull up; I was five minutes early. As I looked around at the swing set and slide through my windshield, it was weird being here with no intentions of meeting up with Mitchie.
Thinking her name caught me off guard and I gasped. It was the first time I'd thought it since that day. I hadn't gone to the funeral, because I didn't want to remember her that way: lying cold in a casket, closed or open it didn't matter…she wasn't the warm, bubbly person she was before. I couldn't handle remembering her as a corpse instead of a person I loved.
A person I loved…I wanted to remember her a certain way. I let out a heavy breath through my nose, biting my lip. Shane didn't know about us, did I really want to taint his memory of her? Did I want to take whatever he remembered about her and twist it into something else? Did I want to tarnish their whole relationship for him?
I turned my car on, deciding that I couldn't do that to him. I wouldn't want someone to force me to look at her in a casket, or ambush me into seeing her in the grave. Before I could even put the car into reverse, a sharp rap on my window startled me. I rolled my window down.
"Hey." Shane stood, bent over, eye level with me.
I felt my mouth drying up, but now that he was here, the desire for answers outweighed the decision I'd just made. "Get in." I unlocked the doors and tried to get my nerves under control.
He walked around to the passenger seat and sank into it.
"So," I said, hoping he couldn't hear my discomfort. "I guess you're wondering why I—"
"She told me about you two. It's why we broke up." He stared at his lap, picking at his nails. His straightened bangs that usually covered his eyes and forehead fell forward, masking his face slightly.
I chewed on the inside of my cheek, unsure of how to ask my question, unsure of how to respond to his words.
"Do you want to see the note?" His voice cracked and he wiped his eyes quickly before fishing his wallet out of his back pocket.
He held it up between us. I took it with a shaky hand and unfolded it.
Shane,
I'm sorry for this. It's not about you or anyone. I just can't handle life. I'm weak and no matter how much I'd like to be with you, my body, my heart, they tell me I want Alex. And that's something I can't deal with. I'm too afraid of what people will think of me, afraid of them judging me, or her, or us…Since I'm weak, I'm choosing death instead of dealing with any of it.
Please, don't tell anyone about her, or me, please.
I'm sorry I could only love you as a brother.
Mitchie
I stared at it, letting my eyes flow over her handwriting, imagining her writing it. I wondered if she wrote it in her car or if she wrote it at her desk, in her room, the night before or that morning.
I held it out for him to take and he snatched it from my hand. "I don't plan on telling anyone, so don't worry."
I nodded, staring out at the playground. I remembered a conversation we'd had once, about running away together. "Did you see her body?" The whispered question left my mouth before I could think.
He took a shaky breath and then slowly exhaled. "They had an open casket…they tried to…fix her head the best they could, but…I could still tell."
I didn't want to hear any more, so I decided to ask another question that had been bugging me since his first set of words. "Did she break up with you? Or did you end it?" I had to know.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the dashboard. He took several deep breaths and sat back up. "She came over to my house, she seemed set on talking about something alone, so we went up to my room and she locked the door and begged me to not get mad before she said another word. I promised." His voice wavered and he paused. Once he started speaking again, he spoke slower; the level in his voice controlled, forced to be even. "She said she was gay, that she was trying to be straight, trying very hard, but that she couldn't help it and that every Friday night she had to see you, that she couldn't help herself. She said she'd been thinking about what that meant, because she didn't feel that constant need with me. She told me she thought she loved you, that she wanted to be with you, and that she wanted to tell you about it that Friday, so she begged me to say I'd broken it off with her, but to be vague. So, I did. I wasn't mad; I'm still not. Maybe I should be, but the look on her face when she was telling me…" He paused, shaking his head; eyes squinted as if he was looking at the expression she'd been wearing, trying to read it. "She looked so pained, so conflicted. She looked sincerely sorry for what she'd been doing to me, and she said she wanted to be friends and that she wanted to talk to you about being together, like publicly, and she hoped that wouldn't affect the friendship she wanted to have with me." He paused; a small laugh crawled out of his mouth. "She wanted me to meet you, officially, like…as her girlfriend." A small smile tugged at the right side of his mouth. He shook his head as he stared at his lap again, trying to suppress the smile.
My head was swimming with all of this information. I didn't know what to do with it. "Are you…sure?" She hadn't mentioned a word of this to me; she'd never brought up Shane or breaking up with him…this was just so out of the blue for me.
He nodded. "Positive…she glowed when she talked about you to me that night…she was shining so bright." He sighed as he shook his head again, flipping his hair out of his eyes. He leaned his head back on the headrest and stared out the windshield. "Whatever you two were…I think you were making her happier than I was…"
We sat silently for a few minutes. Staring at the feeble attempt at a playground, each of us absorbed in our own thoughts. I watched the blue sky; a white cloud would float along once in a while.
"Do you want to be friends?" I wasn't sure why I was asking, but I was already lonely without her. One Friday night without her touch and I was more miserable than I was when I had to watch her walk down the halls at school, holding hands with Shane and kissing him.
He laughed and glanced at me. "Why?"
I shrugged. "I'm lonely, you're lonely…for the same person. You're the only person I can honestly talk to her about, and from the sound of the story you just told me, I'm the only one you can be completely open with when talking about her, too." I looked at him, taking in his features, trying to see what Mitchie saw in him and failing. "Maybe we can just be lonely…together?"
Another small, dry laugh. "As weird as it sounds, it sounds …kind of nice." He nodded. "Sure."
I smiled and then looked away, nervous about what I was about to say. "I'm sorry I stole your girlfriend."
He rolled his eyes, shook his head. "At least you seem cool."
I stared at him, before sighing and looking back down. "I have to get home now, but, um, we can text and make plans for another day if you want?"
He dug his cell phone out of his pocket and handed it to me. "Add yourself in my phone as a contact; give me yours, I'll do the same."
I handed over my phone and then took his, quickly typing in my name and handing it back. We switched again and he looked at my number.
"Well, Alex Russo," he said, looking up from his phone. "I do believe you're the only person I plan to talk to for the rest of the school year." Laughing, he put his phone away.
I frowned. "Why?"
"I don't know if you've noticed, but everyone stares at me…like I'm made of glass or like I'm going to go ape-shit at any moment." He sighed. "I feel like a lot of them accuse me…like…I can see it in the way they look at me." He fidgeted with a loose thread on the side of his black jeans. "And others, they look at me like I've lost the love of my life."
I nodded. "I'm sorry."
He shrugged and glanced out the window; we watched as a barge slowly made its way down the river. "It just sucks…like, they'll never know she broke up with me…they'll never know we weren't in love."
I frowned. "Did you not love her?"
He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I don't know. I'm sixteen." He laughed. "I mean, am I allowed to know what love really is?" He produced his keys and exhaled heavily. "Well, I'll let you go. I'll talk to you soon." He opened the door and stepped out. He leaned against the top of my car and bent over. "Thanks."
I opened my mouth to ask why he was thanking me, but he shut it before I could. He hurriedly got into his car and I watched in my review mirror as he bent his head down onto the steering wheel; his shoulders heaving with sobs.
I pulled my eyes away from the image in the mirror and focused on the road in front of me. I made a list of the homework I needed to finish for tomorrow as I drove the familiar route to my house.
#
It was Friday night and as I sat in my room, alone, I contemplated Shane's words as I chewed slow bite after slow bite of pizza as I stared a hole into the wall in front of my desk. He wasn't sure if he loved her, was I sure I loved her? Did I still love her?
I wasn't getting anything done. I sighed and shut my laptop. Wiping my fingers on my napkin, I left my unfinished pizza slice next to the sleeping computer and fell onto my bed.
I was restless. It was nearly eleven; in an hour, I would normally be with Mitchie. I rubbed my hands across my face, slowly pulling at my cheeks, my eye sockets, my nose and mouth.
Suddenly, before I knew what was happening, I was crying uncontrollably.
God, I missed her so much.
"Why the fuck did you do this, Mitch? You could have talked to me at least...fuck." My voice was thick with sadness. My body shook as I cried into my pillow, wishing it was her warm torso pressed against mine instead. The thought shook me more and I cried harder.
I woke with eyelashes stuck together, snot dried under my nose and my cheeks felt tight with tear streaks. I stumbled out of bed and found my cell phone, checking the time. It was only one in the morning. I started crying again. I sank down onto my floor, and rested my head against a lump of clothing.
My eyes widened. Clothing. I had her sweatshirt somewhere in here, and a t-shirt, and maybe even some sweatpants or jeans…I ransacked my room, until I found the brown sweatshirt with a banana on it, The Dandy Warhols had been her favorite band; I still hadn't even listened to one song by them.
I hugged it to me, inhaling the faint smell of watermelon I'd always associated with her. I crawled into it and wrapped myself in my blankets and hugged the extra pillow on my bed.
"Why, Mitch?" I whispered into the dark silence of my room. "Why?"
I made up her side of the conversation. But they weren't the answers I was looking for, maybe I didn't mean why did she do it? I sighed. Maybe I wasn't asking the right questions.
"Mitchie. Why didn't you just…talk to me about it?" I sighed and felt my eyelids getting heavy with sadness and sleep.
The sunlight didn't wake me up, but a weight sitting on my bed did. I opened my eyes and squinted at the end of my bed. "How did you get here? ...How do you know where I live?"
Shane laughed. "Well, I tried calling you a few times, but you didn't answer…so I came over and your mom let me in. And when we were younger, we used to ride the same bus. I only live a neighborhood over."
I blinked. "Oh." I rubbed my eyes, sitting up a little bit. "Wait, why are you here? …Did we have plans?" I looked around my room, wondering if anything embarrassing had been lying out.
"Well, not really, but um, I…" He licked his lips and his leg jiggled up and down. "I have tickets to this concert tonight and…Mitch and I were supposed to go…"
"Oh," I said, realization hitting me. "She mentioned that…the band."
"Yeah." He held the ticket out to me. "Wanna go?"
I took the ticket and shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
He smiled nervously. "Um, it's a three hour drive to the venue…I thought maybe we could make the day of it, just being in that city."
I glanced at my half-eaten pizza, my shut laptop, the homework that wasn't getting done, back to Shane. I raked my fingers through my hair, and smiled. "Sure, why not? Can I have, like, thirty minutes to get ready?"
He nodded. "Definitely. Do you want me to wait here or downstairs?"
"Downstairs is fine or my room is okay, too. But, if you go downstairs and my parents ask, you're allowed and encouraged to say we're just friends…don't let them coerce you into saying this is a date or anything that it isn't." I stretched and got up, looking through my closet for an outfit. "Just don't say anything about Mitchie, or the whole gay thing…"
He rubbed his hand down his thigh. "Um, I think I'll just stay here." A nervous giggle issued from his mouth.
"Okay," I said. "I'm going to take a quick shower, brush my teeth and hair, and then I'll be ready."
He nodded, glancing around my room. "Okay. Cool. I'll be here."
"You can turn on the TV if you want." I tossed him the remote from my desk. "I only get like four channels though."
Smiling, he hit the power button as I shut the door to my room.
An hour later, we were on the road and fully out of our hometown city limits. I hadn't realized how potentially uncomfortable the ride could be when I'd agreed, but now that we were here, I was at a loss about what to talk about.
"So," he said, holding the 'o' a little longer than necessary. He laughed. "Sorry, I'm just realizing I have no idea…like I don't know anything about you."
I smiled, fiddling with my seatbelt strap. "Same here."
He kept the wheel of his red Neon steady as he glanced at me. "So, do you want to play twenty questions or something?"
Laughing, I looked up from my hands. "Really?"
"Yeah, or you can tell me your life story and I can tell you mine."
I bit my lip, thinking about my life story. It wasn't too interesting, but it wasn't something I wanted to disclose to anyone unless forced to do so. "Twenty Questions is fine."
He smirked. "Cool." He glued his eyes to the road again. "Do you have any pets?"
"No. We used to have a dog, but he ran away when I was younger." I watched the grassy fields passing by the windows, the endless pavement stretching out no matter how far we advanced. "Do you have any siblings?"
"Yeah." He slowed down as a bird landed on the highway. "I've got an older brother and a younger one. My older brother, Jason, moved out when he turned eighteen and Nate is two years under us in high school."
I nodded. "That's cool."
Shane changed lanes and then switched back again to get around a rusty, white car that was going too slow. "What's your favorite kind of music?"
"I don't know. Anything really. I don't really listen to music, or have a favorite anyone in that category." I shrugged and shifted from sitting on my left leg to my right. "Do you play any instruments?"
"Yes, I've played the guitar since I was eight. My brothers and I tried to start a band, but we never got out of the garage." He laughed, his eyes grew distant for a second and then he shook his head, a squeaky laugh accompanying it. "Probably for the best, we were awful."
I laughed, rolling my eyes. "Whatever, I'm sure it was better than you think."
He eyed me, as if I'd challenged him. "I don't know…I've got some video footage of it, maybe I'll be able to dig that up. You could decide for yourself."
We laughed, talked and joked for the next two hours, and it went by so smoothly, I found myself slightly disappointed that the car ride was over.
"So, basically, all the cool stuff at home that costs money is free here. And the weather is slightly less hot." Shane locked the car doors and we walked down to the park where the concert was supposed to take place. "They don't start until the sun goes down, but we can check this out or go grab lunch somewhere."
I cocked my head to the side and squinted at him. "Why on earth did you get me up at eight in the morning if the show wasn't until sundown? And why did I hurry so much to get ready if we were going to have so much down time?"
He shrugged. "I just like to be way on time for things…like super early." He looked around and my eyes followed him, watching where his eyes landed.
"What kind of food do you want?" I spun around, looking for something that sounded good. "Do they have any Italian places around here?"
He started walking toward the sidewalk and I followed, still glancing around at the busy park and the people setting up for the concert.
"So, who's playing?"
"Do you want to try Alfredo's?"
We laughed and I glanced at the restaurant he was pointing at. "Sure, it looks Italian."
"And to answer your question, FoxxAir is playing. It's a DJ I really like right now." He opened the door to the dimly lit restaurant and we stepped inside, as my eyes trying to adjust too quickly.
"That's cool." I shook my head and looked around at the walls. It looked like spaghetti had been tossed across the walls, but it was painted on. I smiled, pointing at it so Shane would notice. "Isn't that cool?"
Bobbing his head up and down, he looked around the room. "This is a very creative place." A waitress seated us and brought us drinks, then took our orders at the speed of lightning.
"So, you like Dr. Pepper, huh?" He slurped on his straw, pulling the bright colored liquid through his straw.
"And you like Mountain Dew." I swallowed the fizzy deliciousness of Dr. Pepper and looked at the other people seated around us. I wondered how much this looked like a date. I sighed and shook my head.
"Alex, can I ask you something?"
I perked my head up and looked at him intently. "Sure."
He stared at a spot over my shoulder for the longest time; I thought he'd forgotten he spoke at all. His mouth opened, closed. He shook his head and then focused his eyes back onto me. He searched my face for something and I didn't know what was coming. He looked so serious; it startled me.
"What is it?" I said, quietly.
He ran his eyes around the room once more, swallowed loudly and then closed his eyes. "Did you know about me?"
I puckered my lips into a tight circle. This was a tough question; I knew what he meant. "Honestly, at first, no. She never mentioned anyone else…and then suddenly, I saw you two at school one day…I was so jealous." I laughed. "I let it continue for a while, just to see if she'd ever bring it up or not…" I sighed and stared at the basket of breadsticks that had appeared between us. I reached into it and tore one of the sticks in half and dunked it into the marinara sauce. "She didn't and when I had to ask her about it, she lied. Then finally, one day, we made eye contact at school right after she'd kissed you and then I sent her a text message, asking her again. She finally told me the truth. That Friday I tried to break it off with her, but two weeks later, I was taking back everything I said, because I missed her and I hated seeing you hanging all over her, allowed to be that close to her."
I shook my head and stared at him from across the table. "I would have given anything to be you back then. Now, I'm so thankful I'm not in your shoes. I have seen the way people stare at you." Shaking my head harder as the looks flashed before my eyes. "No, thank you."
I looked at him for a moment longer, wondering what he was thinking, wondering how that had to feel to find out your girlfriend had been a completely different person than the person you thought she was. "I'm sorry I didn't stop it."
He smiled lazily. "Not your fault…and it's not like you're the one who was dating someone else…It just makes me feel…I don't know, like I didn't know her at all. Like what else was she keeping from me? Did she even like anything we did? Did she like the cereals she claimed to love? Did she like watching My Strange Addiction with me on Tuesday nights?"
"I know what you mean…when I found out she'd lied to me about you, I wondered what else she kept from me. I didn't even know she was going to break up with you, or that she was so unhappy with herself that she wanted to die, I didn't know…" I sighed, letting my words hang, unfinished.
The waitress brought out the pasta we ordered and we ate in silence.
"How's your food?"
I glanced up and saw that his plate was almost empty like mine. I smiled. "It's pretty good. How about yours?"
He nodded and took a sip of water. "Pretty good." We split the bill and left, the silence still between us.
Walking down the sidewalk, I admired the different shops. A lot of places that looked local, or at least weren't located at home. I noticed the chatter of people and the rush of cars. It was pretty busy around here.
"Do you ever think about living in New York City?"
His voice startled me and I laughed. "If it's as busy as this place, then no."
"Me too." Shoving his hands in his pockets, he glanced at a small chalkboard on the sidewalk with house specials written in multi-color chalks. "Mitch, she always used to want to go there."
"Oh?" I didn't know that about her. "She always talked about running away together…but she never mentioned the city. She talked about moving to Vermont sometimes." I laughed, remembering that conversation. "I never understood the fascination with that place." A cool breeze danced across my face, refreshing me. "Once in a while, she'd talk about moving to a beach."
Shane blinked several times and sighed. "I didn't know that about her."
I played with my jacket zipper, pulling it up and then bringing it back down. "It's like she was a completely different person, depending on who she was with."
He kicked an aluminum can that was crunched down to a disc. Pulling his hands from his pockets, he grabbed mine and pulled me down the sidewalk quickly.
"What are you doing?" I had to nearly run to keep up. "Shane!"
He stopped at the edge of the park we'd started at. "Do you see that fountain in the middle of the park?" He pointed in the direction of it, and I could see the stone edge of it beyond a group of people setting up for the concert. "Would you ever jump into it normally?"
"No."
"I dare you to jump into it." He had a crazy grin on his face.
I stared at his wild expression. "You jump into it."
"I will."
He started running across the grass, jumping over sidewalk paths like they were lava. He hurdled over a low bench as I decided I wanted to catch up. I took off, taking the same path as him.
Once we were standing side by side at the edge of the fountain, panting, he said, "Okay. Take your shit out of your pockets."
I took my wallet, house key and phone and set them on the ground next to his then put my jacket on top of it.
He jumped onto the stone lip and held his hand out for me to take. I let him help me up and we stood there, staring.
My breath returned to normal and as the rush of the run wore off, reality set back in. "Are we really doing this?"
"On three." He grabbed my hand again and gripped it tightly.
"We don't have any kind of extra clothing." I looked around and a few people had given us a second look.
"We'll buy some somewhere. One, two, three!"
A loud splash issued from our plunge. It wasn't very deep, but it came up to my waist. He splashed me and I laughed. "Stop." I splashed him back and he grabbed me by the waist and tried to take us both down.
Ten minutes later, I was dripping with fountain water from head to toe. I could feel the water squishing in between my toes, sloshing around in my shoes. Every step included a gush of water seeping out from the holes in the sides of my Chuck Taylors.
"That was such a bad idea." I picked up my belongings and shoved them into my jacket pocket and folded my jacket.
"No," he said, shaking his head. "It was a great idea." He looked at his phone. "It's four, we should find some new clothes and hit the show."
I rolled my eyes, but followed him into a clothing shop.
"What happened to you two?" The young sales associate eyed our soaked forms and I blinked, unsure of what to say.
"We fell into the fountain." Shane laughed. "We were goofing off and tripped right into it."
The young woman giggled when Shane flashed a huge smile that made girls swoon at school; I tried not to roll my eyes. I walked over to the clothing racks and found a pair of tight jeans, a t-shirt and I substituted a bikini top for a bra since they didn't seem to have anything else.
"Do you sell socks?" I glanced around the store, looking for a shoe section, but didn't see anything.
"No, sorry." She took in my appearance and then glanced at Shane. I knew she was trying to decide if we were a couple.
"Come on, baby, let's get out of here." I tried to whine like a real girlfriend would, but I wasn't sure it was convincing.
Shane gave me a weird look and then glanced at the sales girl and smirked. "Sure thing, sweetheart." He set his clothes on the counter and eyed my handful of stuff. "Want me to get that for you or do you have your card?"
"I've got my card."
Once we were changed and our bags of wet clothing were in the trunk of his car, we sat down at the park and waited for the show to start.
"Do you want to get some dinner before it starts? We still have some time…"
I shrugged and looked around. "I don't know…maybe. Do you see anything right around here?"
"I saw a pizza place."
"I'm not really in the mood for pizza after the pasta. Do you see any kind of deli or something with sandwiches maybe?" I craned my neck, trying to see the street from here.
"I didn't notice anything when we were walking…" He shrugged. "Want to settle for burgers or hot dogs?"
I watched people coming and going and the park was getting busier as the sun got lower in the sky. I got my wallet out and handed him ten dollars. "Get me a burger and a Coke, please."
He shoved the money into his wallet. "All right, what do you want on the burger?"
"Everything."
He laughed, mumbled a small 'okay' and walked off in the direction of the Five Guys I could see from here.
I watched the people milling around, chattering, getting excited. I zipped my jacket up and pulled it back down, listening to the noise it made instead of the people around me.
"Are you here alone?" I lifted my head and found a blonde boy smiling at me. His mouth was obnoxiously large.
"Uh, no?" I raised an eyebrow. "Are you?"
"Well, yeah, I'm here with some friends, but no date." His purple jeans looked too tight and his V-neck was full of different shades of purple in a weird pattern of straight lines that angled at some points and not at others. I stepped back and squinted. It looked like it was trying to make a giant heart.
"You won't find someone dressed like that." I glanced up at the street, scanning the street for Shane.
"Looking for someone?"
"Yeah." I yawned. "I am. You're boring, can you move on, please?"
He rubbed his neck and stared at me. "Really?"
I waved him away and he went without a word. I couldn't see Shane so I went back to staring at my shoes, wiggling my toes inside, feeling the water shifting.
#
A timid tapping on my window made me panic. I squinted into the dark and saw her silhouette outside my door. I climbed out of my car and she smiled nervously.
"Hey." She looked as scared as I did.
"Hi," I said.
She looked up the paved path to the bathrooms. "Do you want to get in my car or yours, or go to the bathroom?" She glanced at her black SUV and I saw her eyeing my silver Toyota behind us.
I swallowed. "Wherever is fine."
"Do you know if police or anyone else comes here?"
I shook my head. "I've never been here this late before."
She frowned. "Why are you now then?"
I shrugged. "My dad pissed me off and my brothers were being douchebags, so I just wanted to get out of my house."
She gave my body a quick sweep and I wondered what she was thinking. "Where's your mom?"
"She's out of town for the weekend."
"Oh, cool. Let's go to the bathroom…I'm afraid we'll get caught in our cars." She glanced at the bathroom again. "Is it…safe to go in there?"
I laughed softly. "Yeah."
"Shut up, this is my first time doing this."
My eyes widened and I was happy she didn't have full access to my facial expressions in the dim lighting. "How'd you wind up here?"
She shrugged. "I just…I came here one night to get away and then I saw some ladies walk into the bathroom and they were in there for quite a while and then they walked out…and I wondered what they were doing. And so I came back another night and the same thing happened. Then a few of my friends started making jokes when I suggested coming here to get away one afternoon. How'd you find out about this place?"
I shrugged and followed her up the sidewalk to the bathroom. "Someone I used to know brought me here once."
She stepped into the biggest stall and stared; I felt uncomfortable under the florescent lighting. "So…" She bit her lip and let her eyes roam over my clothed body. "How does this work?"
I took a step closer to her. "Like this." I gently put my hands on her hips. "I'm going to kiss you now."
She closed the gap between us before I could. I felt her body mesh with mine and a jolt went through me; I almost jerked away from the sudden feeling. The only thing that kept me was I didn't want the feeling to stop and I was afraid it would disappear if we weren't touching.
I reveled in the feeling of her damp lips against mine and I trailed kisses down her jaw and sucked on her neck. Slowly, I worked her shirt up her torso, draping it across the toilet paper dispenser. Licking and sucking, I made my way down her body. I kneeled before her, my fingers poised on the zipper of her jeans.
She grabbed a handful of my hair and stumbled backwards, yanking me with her. I tried to jump up to catch both of us and wound up pressing her against the tile wall next to the toilet.
"Was that okay?" I kissed underneath her ear, gliding my lips over the curve of her neck, kissing her collarbone lightly.
She hesitated before nodding.
Pulling away, I stared into her brown eyes, amazed at how expressive they were. "I won't do anything you don't want me to; if you don't want that, you can say so."
Her eyes stayed on mine and I could see the fear in them. "This is just my first time…with a girl, ever."
"Don't worry. I'll make it memorable. In a good way. I promise." I smiled, kissing my way down her abdomen.
Slowly, I unbuttoned her pants and slid them down, she came with them and I sat her on the edge of the closed toilet seat. I spread her legs, massaging her thighs and getting a few tiny moans from her.
I ran my tongue over the soft flesh and she grasped my hair and I wished I hadn't worn it down. I sucked and gently raking my teeth over her hot spot. I slid my tongue into the wet slit. She jerked around as louder moans issued from above my head.
Fifteen minutes later, she was panting and begging me to stop. She came before I could chill out and remove myself from her; I licked my lips and noted that she tasted sweet.
Suddenly, I was sad it was over, because I wasn't sure I'd ever see her again. I wasn't even sure if she'd get me off, since it was her first time. I remember that I didn't know what to do the first time I came here.
She put her shirt back on and buttoned her shirt, eyeing me with a hungry look in her eyes and my arousal rose in hope. Her eyes flitted between my lips and my eyes and I felt my underwear dampening.
She stepped closer to me and breathing heavily, she said, "I don't know what to do…but I'd like to try to return the favor?"
Smiling, I nodded. "Okay. I'll let you know if something feels good or not." Winking, I propped myself up against the bathroom stall's door and pulled her in front of me. I placed my hands on her hips again and kissed her deeply.
She copied everything I did and when I felt her tongue inside of me, I nearly died. I didn't understand why she was so different or why my body was responding so much extra to her, but it was killing me to know that no matter how much pleasure I was in right now, I may never see her again after this.
Moaning, I felt the orgasm rip through my body and I let it take me. She gripped my thighs and the noises issuing from my mouth increased.
Panting, I buttoned my pants and stared at her. "Thanks."
A nervous laugh left her lips and she nodded, not looking me in the eye. "Yeah, thanks for that, too."
I cleared my throat and bit my lip. "Um, look this is…not how I usually do things, but, um, I really…I've never felt the way you make me feel. Like…you are the best I've ever had."
Her eyes narrowed. "Are you fucking with me?"
"I mean, I haven't been with a lot of people. I don't come here a lot…I've only met a few people before you, like three. And I'm sorry you're the fourth person I've shared this with…like…What I'm trying to say is do you want to do this from now on? Just you and me?"
She laughed and stared. By the look on her face, I knew she was probably just as confused as I was. "Are you asking me to date you or be your fuck buddy?"
"What's your name?"
She stepped back. "Why?"
"I just…I want to know. I'm Alex. I go to North High."
"I go to North, too."
"I know…we have some mutual friends." My face warmed; I felt creepy. "We've been to a few of the same parties."
"I know," she said, dropping her eyes from mine again. "I'm Mitchie."
"Nice to officially meet you, I guess." I held my hand out for her to shake.
Laughing, she shook it and examined my face.
"So, can we do this? Like just privately, when you need some stress release, when I need some stress release…it'll be nice. We won't have to worry about STDs and shit like that this way." I bounced on the balls of my feet. "Also, don't mention this at school. Nobody knows I'm …"
"Yeah, I don't even know if I am." She sighed and a distance grew in her eyes. "I need to go."
"I'll be here, same time, next week." I watched her walking towards her car. "If you're not here, I'll understand, but I hope to see you."
She nodded, waving at me as she opened her door. "Okay. See you, Alex."
"Alex?" A hand was shaking me.
I blinked and my world crashed as I saw Shane instead of Mitchie. I swallowed and wiped my eyes, sitting up.
"We're at your house now."
I looked out the window at my house. The light above the door was turned on, but the inside lights were all turned off. I fumbled with the door handle, trying to open it. "Sorry I fell asleep. Thanks for today."
He nodded and waved. "Thanks for going with me. Sorry it was so last minute."
I rolled my eyes. "It's not that big of a deal. I'll see you later." I got out of the car and shut the door. I heard him drive away as I unlocked the front door.
I tossed my bag of wet clothes into the laundry room and then traded my zip up jacket for Mitchie's hoodie, leaving the zip up on my overflowing laundry basket in my room. I dropped onto my bed and curled myself against the pillow, missing Mitchie more as I drifted to sleep. I hoped she would visit my dreams again, but doubted it would happen.
