Hello, I'm re-writing this story because... I felt a little out of control and decided to get pull myself together and stop worrying. most of this is the same a few changes that will be important but nothing in particular, hell, maybe ill rewrite it again. I haven't finished the story and have actually forgotten what I was planning on doing with it. a classic problem with me, lol. anyway, I do hope you enjoy.

It was a beautiful night, the way the stars lit up the sky like glimmering crystals, the way it was not too cold, but the crisp fresh air still nipped at Lucy's pale soft skin, the way the trees swayed in sync with the wind. Somehow in her life with her Father, having everyone try and show her the perfect picture, view or whatever, this came on top of it all, a simple starry night.

She sighed, tilting her head forward and letting the blond hair fall over her shoulder, Natsu and the others were asleep, it felt like only this morning she had woken up slightly hungover, crying her eyes out like a baby that she was happy to have met her dragonslayer friend and his blue companion. It had felt like only this morning she had been stupid enough to think he would kiss her.

Tears brimmed her eyes, 'Lucy you idiot don't you remember he left you, he wouldn't have left you if he loved you'. The blond shook her head 'he doesn't need to love me, all that matters is we are together, we will always be together'. This time she nodded reassuringly, pushing away the last of her doubt.

"Maybe I should try to find someone who actually wants to kiss me." she thought aloud while laying down onto the slightly damp grass, cringing as she remembered she would be cold when she went to bed.

"Is my future wife thinking about cheating on me" a smug smile graced the celestial spirits face but, in his eyes, he looked concerned for his dearest friend.

Lucy looked up, turning her head slightly as she saw a familiar face walking towards her "Loke, we talked about this…" and indeed they had, Lucy had told him multiple times that she was not his wife, but it usually ended in some sort of whining from Loke.

The spirit put his hands up in a mock surrender "ok, ok, I got it princess" and he smiled again before sitting next to her, on the cold grass. Surprisingly, he seemed unfazed by how damp it was only focusing on the starry sky before him.

"I remember when we first met, I mean before I knew you were a spirit," a smile graced her soft lips before she continued "you tried to do one of your lame pickup lines-"

"Hey, my pickup lines are not lame! I was a ladies man before you." he pouted playfully, causing Lucy to crack a smile.

"Sure, whatever you say. Anyway, after a while you found out I was a celestial spirit mage you bolted, I remember being so upset. Thinking I had done something wrong, that slowly the others would leave too."

"Oh, Lucy…" Loke began, his eyes softening, but Lucy cut him off.

"But then you saved me, and once again my mind was trying to find out why you couldn't just tell me what was so bad about me." She looked him in the eyes, it clearly pained him to hear her say how he had once made her so sad. "And I remember being so worried about you when you went missing, I didn't know why. You had done nothing for me…Well, you had saved me once, but other than that I thought you hated me, and yet somehow I just couldn't bring myself to leave you" Loke couldn't think to say anything so he hugged her as they sat and watched the stars.

"And that why I am glad to have you as the holder of my key, because even to people who seem horrible you never lose hope, your heart is so big even in this cruel world. And I'm sorry, I still haven't forgiven myself for being such a jerk to you when we first met" he hung his head low in shame, it was true the memories of how he'd acted did haunt him.

Her eyes softened to a look of sympathy, "Loke, I didn't mean it like that, I forgave you years ago" she smiled at him, one of her comforting smiles.

"It doesn't change the fact I was" he sighed, looking truly sorry in his eyes, it had been too long since they talked like this.

Silence hung among them, both wondering what to say but at the same time content with staying quite, Lucy bit her lip, should she tell him? He was her spirit after all, she needed to tell someone and it's not like she could tell the others…"I don't think I want to do this quest anymore" she blurted out, Loke stared at her, eyes wide and mouth slightly open.

After a second the boy managed to compose himself again before speaking, "ok…can, can I at least know why?" the concern in his eyes was back and his voice sounded slightly strained.

"It's complicated." but the look he gave her made the mage know she needed to elaborate. "I just, I don't know. I need some time off this whole thing. When Natsu left it felt like part of my life did too. The guild fell apart…literally. And I want out for a while, I had a year of longing, crying and misery you would think I was so happy to be back, but I don't think I can be back without Natsu realising how he hurt me."

Loke's eyes went wide again, Lucy had talked about feeling a little down before when the guild was actually apart, but this…never had he imagined it, he understood, but a grudge on Natsu was going to be held if not by Lucy by him.

"If that's what you want Lucy, then sure" he looked away, not bearing to see his master so vulnerable.

"I don't want to, I need to, part of me wants to stay to forget it ever happened. But I can't, Loke, it's strange. I've forgiven him so why do I have these lingering feeling of…sadness, betrayal." Loke opened his mouth to answer but Lucy interrupted him by gently slapping her thing "now let's get some rest, tomorrow is going to be a draining day" she went to get up but Loke held onto her wrist, keeping her from leaving.

"Lucy if this is what you want then…I hate to say it, but you should probably leave tonight, Natsu would never let you leave again" the sympathy gone from his eyes, he was dead serious. If his mistress wanted to leave he was going to help her make it as easy as possible.

A sorrow smile pulled at her lips, he was right, Natsu probably wouldn't. It had to be tonight, now or never. "Well then I better start parking"

It was roughly 1 AM when she had finished packing, a letter in her hand 'the same way he did it' she laughed bitterly at the thought. 'At least I wrote more…' no she didn't need to justify her actions it was her life.

And off she went, through the green fields as far away as possible, her heart aching all the time at the thought of Natsu waking up the way she did, with a lousy note.

The sun leaked through the cracks of the white puffy clouds when she had deemed herself untraceable, now all she had to do was find out where exactly she was.

But then she stopped 'does it really matter? It's not like I have an actual destination planned' reassuring herself the celestial blond walked over to an inn called 'Starry Night', this was the perfect place for her.

She walked into the painted yellow inn and found she was blasted by a wave of heat, as she waddled over to the front desk she found herself eye to eye with a familiar face, "Jamie?!"

'Oh my god', she hadn't seen him in what felt like years, in truth she had only met him when Natsu left, he had been working at the same newspaper company she had, and they became friends for a while before they both left to continue their adventures.

"Lucy? Oh my god, I haven't seen you in ages!" he hadn't changed, his brown hair in a messy quiff, big blue eyes and throwback clothes, finally someone who wasn't complicated…

"Jamie, it's so good to see you!" she hugged him over the counter before looking him over again.

"You too, Lucy, it's been too long." A cheeriness in his voice seemed to make her forget all her troubles. "So, what are you doing here? I thought fairy tail was back together, and the war is over, so seriously, what are you doing?" now he looked curious, a hit of concern laced his voice, but his smile stayed planted on his face.

"Long story short, I'm taking a break from the guild. Now before I answer any more questions are there any available rooms?" Lucy kept her voice sweet and chipper, she had had too many years of practice and try as Natsu might she could never really drop the habit even if she pretended to have had years ago.

"Oh sure, room 14. I'll help you with your bags" she reached out her purse but was stopped by Jamie, "don't worry it's on the house, you are probably tight on money anyway". She wanted to resist, tell him she was financially stable but she couldn't, so the girl nodded weakly and followed him to her room.

It was a nice room, yellow to match the inns outside, a few bits of furniture that all seemed to match, in a dark oak wood style. She flopped on the bed completely forgetting about Jamie until his voice came out in stifled laughter "I guess I can wait until tomorrow for an explanation, you seem exhausted." Lucy hummed in response, before finally drifting off to sleep.

so what do you all think? I've said it before and I'll say it again this is not an antie nalu story, I love them they are my otp, I am simply saying no matter who the person is if they leave you for a year your gonna be hurt, whether you blame them or not. Lucy partly blames Natsu but has forgiven him and now thinks these are her feeling and instead of crying about it forever she wants to do something about it.

Anyway, I just wanted to put that out there in a non-aggressive way! people review my story I LOVE feedback unless it's about how wrong I am to think Lucy wants to solve her problems.

ooooOOOooo I have some news as well! I accidentally deleted my Tumblr my new one is called 'a-star-gazing-mage' i might change this name to that I haven't decided yet! You can go follow me *little self-advertisement for my blog* hope to see you guys soon!