Chapter One

She couldn't take it anymore. The blood. The guilt. She looked down at her hands. They seemed so tiny. Weak, even. But they were the hands of a murderer. They had snapped the neck of a living, breathing human only hours before.

Elena stood up from her bed and began pacing around the room. She grabbed the fifth of vodka she kept on her dresser and chugged it straight from the bottle. Although it tasted better than Damon's bourbon, it did nothing to steady her shaking hands.

Closing her eyes, Elena attempted to steady herself. Her mind snapped back to the blood-splattered bathroom.

Her heart raced. KILLER. That's all she was anymore. It was all she would ever be.

She took a deep breath and reached for her cell. Elena knew she needed help, but from whom? If she saw Stefan right now, she would probably just jump down his throat. Allying with Klaus, after all they'd been through? No. Bonnie, obviously, was out of the question. She wouldn't understand. Elena couldn't expect her to. Caroline, of course, would be supportive. She understood bloodlust.

Elena slammed the bottle down. It shattered as it made contact with her dresser. This wasn't a matter of bloodlust. She hadn't drained Connor. She had killed him out of anger. Hatred. Caroline wouldn't understand.

A knock came to her door.

"Everything okay? I thought I heard something break."

"It's fine, Jer," Elena struggled to keep her voice calm. "Just… I don't always know my own strength."

"Oh… Okay. Well, if you need anything…"

"Yeah, I know. Thanks."

She definitely couldn't tell Jeremy. She needed him to think she was just like the sister he had before the accident. What would he think if he found out his only living relative was just as vengeful and bloodthirsty as the rest of them? What about Matt? She couldn't bear the possibility of harming him again.

That left only one person she was still close to.

No. Absolutely not. Look what happened the last time you involved him in your vampire adjustment issues.

Her finger lingered over the call button. She knew she should call Stefan, but did she really want to involve him? Sure, she may have had some not-so-innocent thoughts about his brother when she lost control of herself, but his betrayal spoke volumes of his loyalty to her. She hit call.

Damon picked up almost immediately. "What's up?"

"I'm… having a problem. Something's wrong."

He sighed. "Isn't this something you should be asking Stefan about? I thought I was a bad influence."

"Look," Elena struggled to keep her voice calm. "I can't deal with Stefan right now. I'm afraid I might… snap."

"Well, Stefan knows all about snapping…"

She struggled to keep herself from crushing the phone in her hand. "Can you help me or not? Please, Damon."

"Okay, fine. I'm in the neighborhood, anyway. I'll be over in a minute."

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to calm her nerves.

"So what's wrong this time?"

Elena jumped to her feet with a start. Damon frowned. He looked annoyed.

"How did you-"

"Do that?" You're a newbie vamp. Your senses are still a little out of whack. Don't worry; I won't be able to surprise you like that forever."

"Just when I thought my days of vampires sneaking in through my window were over…" she rolled her eyes.

"So what's going on? You sounded a little freaked."

"This whole Connor thing-"

"Look, why are you struggling so much with this? He was hunter. You're a vampire. Hunters kill vampires. Vampires kill hunters. It's the natural order of things. He would've staked you in a heartbeat."

Elena started pacing again. "I… I dunno. Are hallucinations normal in new vampires? Like… as a coping mechanism for guilt or something?"

Damon furrowed his brow. "What? No, our coping mechanism is our humanity trigger. And what do you mean, hallucinations?"

"When I walked into my bathroom…" she hesitated. "There was blood. Everywhere. Almost like I had killed someone and - and ripped them to pieces. I fell down, and it was gone. Damon, I don't wanna be a ripper! This can't-"

Elena could feel tears welling in her eyes. She cursed her heightened emotions. Damon reached for her hand and squeezed it tightly, pulling her in for a hug. She put her head on his chest and listened to his calm breathing.

"Listen to me, Elena," he whispered. "You're not a ripper. You're never gonna be a ripper."

She pulled back. "You can't possibly know that."

Damon touched her face gently, tucking his thumb under her chin. His sharp eyes stared back at her, both intense and soothing.

"You're afraid of becoming like Stefan, of turning off your humanity. But even now you're keeping yourself in better check than he did when he was new. I just don't understand why you've convinced yourself that the alternative is worse."

"The alternative?"

"Being like me."

Elena pulled away from him. "That's not the point, Damon. I don't know what's going on, and apparently, this isn't some normal transition thing. But if you can't help me, maybe you should just leave."

"Hey, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry. Just tell me what you need."

"Well, since neither of us seem to know what's going on, I could use a stiff drink."

Damon snorted as he looked at the broken vodka bottle. "I see that went over well. Do you have anything else?"

Elena walked over to her dresser and pulled out a bottle of rum. "I'm an eighteen-year-old vampire who's dealing with constant cravings. Of course I do."

"Glasses?"

"I usually just drink it straight these days," Elena unscrewed the lid and chugged.

Damon sat down on Elena's bed, watching her with a smirk. "You're taking it like a champ!"

She rolled her eyes. "Want some?"

"Calico Jack. Classy."

Elena smiled at him, hands on her hips. "Yeah, well, sorry I'm not an old vampire who has a taste for some bygone whiskey."

"I enjoy the finer things in life," Damon toasted with the bottle before taking a swig, wrinkling his nose as he swallowed. "Ugh… Elena, this is just… bad."

"If you don't want it, I'll take it back."

Elena reached forward and grabbed the bottle, but he refused to let go. Damon tugged it forward, pulling her with it. She tried to wrestle the bottle away from him, but he pulled it out of her grasp and held it behind his back.

"Older means stronger, remember?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe," Elena conceded. "But it doesn't mean smarter."

She straddled Damon's hips and attempted to wrestle the bottle from his hands. He let the bottle roll to the side without a second glance. Elena barely noticed as it rolled off the bed and sloshed onto the floor. She swallowed, suddenly all too aware that Damon's body was beneath hers. He stared at her, mouth slightly agape. Suddenly, finally, it was all too much. Elena felt as though her heart would explode if she didn't kiss him.

Elena leaned forward, pressing her forehead against Damon's. His warm breath slipped down her neck, igniting every passion in her body. She pressed her lips against his, kissing him furiously, eagerly welcoming his tongue. Slipping her hand into his hair, she kept him close as she pushed him onto his back. Damon gripped her waist, pulling their bodies together.

His bulge grew underneath her. She wanted more. Needed more. With her newfound strength, Elena ripped off his shirt and threw it on the floor. Damon grabbed Elena by the hips and threw her onto her back. She sighed as he traced his tongue down her neck.

"It's not enough, is it?" he whispered, kissing her ear.

She groaned as Damon slipped his hand under her back and undid her bra. He lifted her shirt halfway up her midriff and began kissing just above her jeans. He nipped gently at the sensitive skin, and she leaned into his every movement. He grabbed Elena's breast, kneading as he moved up to kiss her lips once more. Taking her hand and guiding her into a seated position, Damon lifted Elena's shirt over her head. Her unhinged bra remained, though it had slipped down and barely covered her breasts.

"That should probably come off," Damon pulled her close and kissed her half-exposed breast.

She smiled. "Really? I thought I'd just leave it like this."

"You'd better be kidding," he growled.

Elena shook the straps from her shoulders, holding it in place with her arms. "Is that better?"

"You're driving me crazy…" Damon ripped the bra away.

"Oh, God," he groaned, pushing her back onto the bed. He sucked on her right nipple, flicking it furiously with his tongue as he gripped her left breast in his hand. Elena arched back in pleasure. She ached, wishing for some release.

Elena reached up and ran her hand along the crotch of his jeans, pressing against the rock hard bulge. Damon's breath caught in his chest, and he reached down to undo his pants. Elena wrapped her hands around his member and moved them slowly up and down the shaft. He leaned back, eyes closed, completely absorbed in her movements.

Pulling away from Elena's grip, Damon ran his tongue down her belly. He undid the button of her jeans, biting the fabric around her most sensitive areas.

She couldn't take it. It wasn't enough. Elena flipped Damon over on his back and straddled him once more. She ground her pelvis into his, enjoying the much-needed pleasure. Her eyes met his as they moved together.

"You want more," Damon said. "This isn't enough."

Elena breathed heavily. He was right.

"Yeah…" she moaned.

"Yeah what?"

"I need more."

Damon reached up and unzipped Elena's jeans, sliding them down over her hips. She stood up and slipped them onto the ground, suddenly very aware of the fact that she wore nothing but a pair of lacy, black panties.

"Don't get shy on me now," said Damon. He moved close to Elena, tucking his thumb under the fabric of her panties.

She froze as Damon slipped off his jeans and boxer briefs in one swift movement.

"You want this; don't you?" he whispered.

"Yes."

Damon pushed Elena onto the bed, swiftly removing the last piece of fabric on her body. He reached down between her legs, sighing as he rubbed.

Positioning himself between her legs, Damon kissed Elena passionately. He pushed his hard member against her, and she moaned again.

"I need you. Right. Now," she said.

With that, Damon pushed inside of Elena. Her body clenched around his shaft, and they started a slow, steady rhythm. Elena met Damon's eyes. He looked as though he were in complete ecstasy. But there was something more. Elena knew Damon had wanted this for a long time. Even longer than she had. It wasn't just lust, or ecstasy, or at last receiving that release he had longed for for so long. He loved her.

Elena's heart quickened. She felt it, too. This wasn't just lust. It had never been just about lust. She smiled at him, and he grinned back, picking up the pace.

Wrapping her legs around him, Elena gave into his thrusts. She gripped the blankets with her hands, letting Damon's passion consume her completely. With a strong arm around her back, Damon pulled Elena close, pressing her breasts against his chest. He slowed down, but pushed into her harder and harder with every thrust.

She arched back, close to climax. Damon quickened the pace once more, his strength and speed relentless. Overcome with pleasure, Elena let herself go completely. A wave of release washed over her as Damon emptied himself into her.

They breathed heavily, staring at each other without a word. Damon slipped out of Elena, panting as he plopped down on her bed. For several moments neither spoke. Elena closed her eyes, already consumed with guilt over what she had just done to Stefan.

When she opened her eyes, Damon was gone.


Author's Note: Wow, that was the first fic I've written in almost four years, and it was a lemon. Lulz. Are they still called lemons these days? ;) Liked it? Hated it? Feel free to review or flame! My skin's as thick as a crocodile's.

Thanks for reading!