The idea for this little tragic, angst filled story came to me when I was listening to the amazing song When You Come Back To Me Again, by Garth Brooks. It's going to be very graphic and hopefully very long and detailed, because since this a story that is the first of it's kind, I really want everyone to become glued to it. It's also my very first full length story that revolves around Mike and Carolyn. The first chapter is rated T, but later chapters will be rated M, so read them at your own discretion, please. Now read, enjoy, and please remember: No throwing sporks at the writer! Thank you.
Disclaimer: They're not mine... all I have is a Twinkie...
This first chapter is dedicated to Confused for reading and rereading it, and to Infinity Star, for helping me nail down the emotions of these very complex individuals. Thanks, girls!
He was surrounded by darkness. Every time he tried to move, his entire body protested, and a pain unlike any he had ever known surged through him. He could hear voices, but he couldn't understand what they were saying, and it frustrated him.
He tried to move again, and a small moan passed his lips, the sound foreign to his own ears. As the fog cleared, he could hear a gentle voice whispering to him, and he strained to understand the words.
"Shh, Mike. I've got you. I've got you," the tender voice cooed, and he felt a soft hand against his cheek. Suddenly his hands were free, and he felt two arms circle his upper body, holding him tenderly. The soft voice suddenly became urgent, and he heard them yell something about a bus and blood loss. He couldn't make sense of anything but the soft and gentle arms that were cradling him close.
Suddenly the memories hit him, and he began to panic, struggling against the person who was holding him. But he was too weak to offer much of a fight, and he finally gave in and collapsed against the warmth and security of the comforting arms. The gentle hand caressed his forehead, and he turned into the soft material, burying his face in it. Bits and pieces of his memory of the attack were pouring over him like ice cold water, and he shuddered and closed his eyes.
The voice spoke again, and Mike froze as he finally realized whose arms he was cradled in. Carolyn.
"It's okay, Mike. It's going to be okay," she murmured over and over again, holding him to her with one arm, and using the other hand to stroke his back and neck. She realized that his blood was seeping through her clothes, and it took everything she had inside of her to keep from throwing up, or screaming.
Finally the paramedics crouched down beside her, and she reluctantly allowed then to lift Mike out of her arms. But as soon as they tried, he panicked and began to thrash in an attempt to ward off what he perceived as another attack.
Carolyn's heart broke as he fought weakly against the paramedics, and she glared at them and said, "Mike, sweetheart, these people just want to help you. Please, we need to get you to a hospital." He shook his head and buried his face further into her chest, and she sighed and kissed the top of his head.
He felt the hands on his back, and he knew that they had returned to finish their job. He fought against them as hard as he could, and desperately clung to his partner. She would protect him. He was safe with her.
Carolyn watched as they placed a stretcher in front of her on the floor, and one of the paramedics whispered, "Just put him on it, and we'll take it from here." She looked at the paramedic, then down at her partner who was trembling in her arms. She realized that they had to get him to a hospital, but she also knew that he would panic if he was forced away from her. A cold lump of regret rose in her throat, but she knew that she had to do it.
She took it inch by inch, murmuring nonsense in his ear as she slowly laid his upper body on the stretcher. He didn't move at all until she began to move away, then he began to panic again as the paramedics lifted the stretcher up. As he struggled against them, she placed her hands on his chest and gently, but firmly, held him to the stretcher.
"Shh, Mike. Just relax. We're going to take you to the hospital. I won't let anyone else hurt you," she swore as the paramedic handed her a wool blanket to cover him with. She accepted the blanket and gently laid it over her partner's bloody and naked form, carefully tucking it around him. He had never looked so small and vulnerable as he did right then, and it tore Carolyn's heart out of her chest.
"Okay, let's get him out of here," she heard one paramedic call, and Mike suddenly opened his eyes and flung one arm out, his features overcome with fear. Carolyn immediately realized what he was doing, and she gladly grabbed his hand and clasped it in hers, massaging it gently. At the contact, he seemed to relax a little, and the paramedics quickly lifted the stretcher and carried it out of the apartment, with Carolyn running right alongside it.
CICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICICI
Bobby and Alex watched helplessly as Carolyn paced the worn carpet of the waiting room, occasionally looking at her watch or the clock on the wall. Finally Alex had enough, and she rose to her feet and stepped in front of Carolyn, gently grasping her forearms. "Carolyn, you need to sit down," Alex stated slowly, and Carolyn looked at the blond as though she were an alien.
"No, Alex, I need to see Mike," she growled, pulling her arms away and stalking off to continue her pacing. Alex sighed and returned to her seat beside Bobby. Bobby put his arm around her shoulders and rubbed her stomach gently.
It had been all of five hours since Carolyn had been forced to release Mike into the care and custody of the doctors and nurses, and every second more that passed only served to further her rage and worry for her wounded partner. Blood covered her clothes, and no matter how much or how hard she scrubbed her hands, she could still see his blood staining her trembling hands.
She looked down at her hands again, then shoved them into the pockets of her jeans as she continued to pace the floor.
It was well after midnight, and Alex was curled into Bobby's side, while his head rested against the wall behind them. Carolyn watched them sleep with a small twinge of envy, but she violently pushed it away and sat in one of the chairs, resting her elbows on her knees as she buried her face in her hands.
"Excuse me, are you here for Mike Logan?" a soft voice asked, and Carolyn whipped her head around and rose to her feet.
"I'm here for Mike Logan. How is he?" she demanded, and the doctor frowned and checked the file, flipping through the pages as Carolyn's frustration grew.
"Mr. Logan's injuries were numerous, but superficial for the most part. It appears as though he was tied down and beaten severely." Carolyn flinched and swallowed her nausea. "Luckily, there were no broken bones, but he did receive several bruised ribs and a moderate concussion from a nasty blow to his head." The doctor paused, and Carolyn could see the hesitation in her eyes as her lips twitched. "Due to... obvious trauma he sustained, we were required to do a rape kit."
"No," Carolyn choked, wrapping her arms around herself.
"It was positive. I'm very sorry. He was sexually assaulted, and from the evidence and exam, several times," said the doctor, and the ceiling did a slow revolution above Carolyn. Her world was cracking beneath her feet, and there was nothing she could do about it.
Finally, she licked her dry lips and said, "Can... can I see him? I need to see him."
The doctor bit her lip, then nodded slowly, motioning for Carolyn to follow her. She did.
Everything passed by Carolyn in a blur as they walked down the cold and lonely hallway, the whitewash walls making Carolyn dizzy. The doctor spoke, but Carolyn couldn't make sense of her words. She just wanted to see Mike, to touch him and try to help him put his world back together.
Finally they stopped, and the doctor put her hand on the door handle. "He's still unconscious, and probably will stay that way for the rest of the night. Once he wakes up, don't say anything that could upset him. Understand?" the doctor questioned, and Carolyn nodded robotically. She pushed the door open, and Carolyn walked in silently, her eyes scanning the room for her partner.
"Mike," was all she could force from her lips as she stood beside his bed. His face was pale, making the bruises and cuts on his face all the more evident as her gaze lingered upon his unconscious form. The white bandage that was wrapped around his temple brought tears to her eyes, but she stoically wiped them away and sat down beside his bed.
For the longest time, she just sat there in desolate silence, watching Mike's chest rise and fall with a soothing steadiness. One hand rested on her knee, while the other drifted over to gently cover his hand.
"I'm right here, Mike," she finally whispered, allowing her thumb to gently caress the back of his hand. And I'm not going to leave you. Never again.
Her own guilt at the situation suddenly overwhelmed her, nearly crushing the breath out of her lungs. Thousands of what if's flew through her mind, and Mike's own accusing voice rang in her ears.
She took a deep breath, then leaned forward and carefully rested her head on the edge of his bed, close enough so that she could feel the heat radiating from his body, and close enough so that she could feel if he moved.
As she tried to relax and take thankfulness in the fact that Mike was alive, her unconscious began to berate her, torturing her with the fact that, if she had stayed just a little longer, he wouldn't have been hurt.
This is all your fault, a voice in her mind hissed. You let this happen to him. You let him be raped. You didn't protect him. You could've prevented all of this, but you didn't. What kind of partner are you? What kind of a friend?
She buried her face in the blanket and sobbed, her body shaking and quivering with every tearful breath she expelled. How did she let this happen? Why hadn't she protected him?
"I'm so sorry, Mike," she whispered, lifting her tearstained face to kiss his hand. "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."
"Carolyn, this isn't your fault," a voice stated behind her, and she turned her head and tensed her body, ready to protect Mike, even if he was in no imminent danger. Alex appeared from the shadows, and Carolyn took a small breath and relaxed just a little. She rubbed her eyes and wiped the tears away, watching Alex as she walked around the bed and looked at Mike with sad eyes.
"None of this was your fault, and if you say that it is one more time, I'll be forced to use my gun on you," she joked weakly. Her hand went to gently brush against Mike's cheek, then threaded softly through his hair.
Carolyn sat back in the chair with another sigh, curling her body as she said, "Alex, please don't-"
"Don't what? Tell you that you had nothing to do with Mike being attacked? It's the truth, and you know it, Carolyn. You didn't attack him, and you didn't hire anyone to do it. You didn't stand by and let it happen, and you didn't watch it. You are not responsible for this," Alex growled, her hand stilling against Mike's forehead.
"Yeah," Carolyn said softly. "But I am responsible for him." She tucked her hand into his, and Alex was silent for the rest of her visit. She left a while later, and Carolyn pushed the chair closer to the bed, then attempted to make herself comfortable in it for the long night she knew was ahead.
TBC...
A/N: (ducks dull sporks thrown by Essy) Well, this one is going to be intense, and I hope I have ya'll hooked now. The next story I'm going to post will be lighter, so look for it if you like fluff and romantic angst! Thanks for reading, and I hope ya'll will keep reading!
