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Alone.

Alone.

Alone.

Dark. Alone. Wet and smelly. Water drip-drip-drips from the ceiling. Little puddle on the floor. Look at it. Hate it. Hate the puddle. Want to drink. Can't move. Hands in iron circles. Don't want to be here. Don't want the puddle or the dark or the iron circles or the drowsy air. Normally I like the dark but this dark doesn't like me. Gas comes through the walls and makes my head all fuzzy.

Want to be home.

Can't hear Mother. So quiet. Miss her. Miss Mother. Where is she? Not dead. Can't die. Wouldn't die. Promised. Looked at me and said 'run away get away I will be behind you.' Left me. I left the Eggs. The spiders inside turned into piles of green and ate the floor away. Lots of fire. There it was hot and dry and bright bright bright, and here it is dark and wet and smelly. Don't like either. Want to be home.

Home is gone now, I think. Not used to thinking. Mother always gives orders. (Gave orders.) But Mother is gone, too. Can't hear her. I want her to come for me. She will be coming. I know it.

Light from the door. Little slat pops open in the middle. Metal Arm brings me meat. It smells bad. I hate Metal Arm. Me and my siblings always shared, but Metal Arm keeps the best for the Meat People and gives me the stuff with the flies inside. Laughs behind the door. I hear it.

I am alive, though. Can tell because I am hungry. My blood runs very fast inside. One day they will have Metal Arm open the iron circles and I will eat good. Find siblings. Find Mother. Break Metal Arm in two and laugh at it Ha Ha Ha. I tell myself Ha Ha Ha and feel better.

Meat tastes bad. Don't chew it. Little Mouth rips off the better bits and I eat. Little Mouth can't chew. Just swallows.

I want to move my legs now, please. If I bleed maybe the iron circles will come loose. Tail twitches. Can't reach to cut. Oh well.

Door opens again, all the way this time. It makes a loud noise. Now it's too bright. The Meat People like bright much more than me. Maybe it's the bright that makes them smelly. They are even smellier than the walls. This one is smelly, too. He is a man with a needle. He walks up in big brown boots. Clop clop clop.

I hiss at him. He laughs. I hiss again, except angrier this time. Want to eat his good bones chew on the marrow swallow good meat. He knows. He has a Gun strapped to his side. Points it at me. Needle in one hand Gun in the other. Needle goes deep into my neck and pulls blood out like schwoop. I bite at him. He faces away from Little Mouth and so Little Mouth can't reach. There are lots of things Little Mouth can't do, like right now how it can't eat his face. Hiss hiss hiss.

I'm not scared of you anymore you stupid bastard, he says. Smell fear on him, though. Needle comes out of my neck and it is full of blood. I wonder why the blood doesn't hiss too. He taps the needle.

It's an alkaline container he says and is proud. Makes extractions a whole lot simpler, yes, it does. Not that you could know shit about chemistry could you, Forty Four? I hiss hiss hiss. Don't take my blood, it's mine.

Can kind of understand their mouth sounds because Mother could and I know what Mother knows. Stupid and bastard mean bad. Forty Four means my name. When the Meat People took me they put it on my forehead with hot fire so I would remember it but I still forget a lot. The Forty Four on my head itches and is ugly. Not used to having a name. Mother didn't give us any. Didn't need one. Stupid waste of time. Never waste time in the Nest. Lots of things to do, like make cocoons and put the Eggs in rows for hatching.

Can't do anything here. Stuck. Hate being stuck. Want to climb all over the ceiling and jump and crawl into the tunnels. Want to eat. Want to kill. Twitch twitch twitch. Meat Person with Needle watches and his face looks funny.

Awful anxious, yeah? Yeah. Don't worry, Forty Four. Combat evaluations soon. Bioweapons says we've got to keep those muscles strong. Hold tight.

He clicks his Gun and leaves through the door. It isn't bright anymore. Good. I hate the bright. Hate the bright, hate being stuck, hate the wet and smelly.

Hate hate hate. Kill kill kill.

Forty Four, says the ceiling, rise and shine.

Am already awake. Always awake. Never sleep. Waste of time. Ceiling Voice says "let's get you out of that cell already" and the iron circles click and go off of my hands and feet and I can move again and I move. I move hard. Jump to the Ceiling Voice and try to find it. Gotta kill it. Gotta gotta gotta. Mother would be pleased.

Nothing up there but a lot of dust do they ever clean? and Ceiling Voice says pesky, pesky thing. Look how she tracks the sound. Marvelous. Marrrrr-vel-ussss. Means good I think. Better than Bastard.

I realize something. Different room. Not the one they keep me in. Bigger and when I step on the metal it goes clack and the sound goes around so they can hear me if I crawl into the dark. No sneaking. I hate no sneaking. Hate lots of things. Mostly no sneaking. Makes me nervous. Ceiling Voice says "now we get this on with" and there is another door at the end of the room that opens and a big animal comes out. Long tusks, three of them. Fat. Thick legs covered in hair. Back covered in shell. It makes a noise like "REE-REE!" and runs to me and rolls up and charges. I think, Ha Ha Ha it can't reach me because I am on the ceiling and then it bounces up and knocks me flat and I fall onto the ground. Hiss hiss hiss. I scramble to my feet. It REE-REEs again and spits something white and sticky like webbing or cocoon-stuff. Nasty. Shake it off. But then it comes again and almost rolls me over except I jump to the side.

I yell very loud at it. It yells back.

Interesting, says Ceiling Voice. Is it trying to communicate?

I think No. Only talk to Mother. Those are the rules. I am a good worker so the Ree Ree needs to die.

Big jump forward. Little Mouth comes out. Ree Ree makes a noise and curls up and Little Mouth hits the shell. Ow. Scrabble scrabble I grip it with all four limbs. Gotta pry it open. Good at prying things open. Like a big clam.

Ree Ree doesn't want to come out. It starts rolling again but I am still on top of it. I kick hard when it is almost on top of me and it goes spinning into the dark. Crash. Boom.

REE REE! it says. Fire comes out of its mouth. Hot hot hot. I jump again and land on its head and hold my tail to its neck. Time to slice. Stinger touches fur. Ree Ree is very afraid and I like that very much. Smell the sweet hot blood. I am excited.

All right, says Ceiling Voice, except it sounds different this time. Heavier. Haul it back in.

Big lights on the ceiling shine in my face. I can't see. Too bright. (Hiss hiss.) God above in heaven, says Ceiling Voice. It's like a nasty fucking cat.

Be professional, says Other Ceiling Voice. Purr-oh-fessssh-annull.

When I can see again Ree Ree is gone. I hear it Ree Ree-ing from underneath the floor. They have put it in a cage like the one I live in I think. Not fair. I wanted to eat it. Haven't killed in so long. Not the same to eat bad rotten stinky meat. It would have been a tasty Ree Ree. I yell at the Ceiling Voice and it laughs.

I think she's ready. Bring out the next one.

It goes dark again and I hear a ker-chunk. Then I can see proper and I see another big animal coming out of the floor. Bigger than the last one. Like a really really big worm but with lots of legs, hundreds of them. Looks angry. I'm angrier.

Big Worm comes to me faster than I expect and before I can even hiss at it it wraps itself around my leg and goes up, up, up. Starts to squeeze. I think I feel my ribs doing things they're not supposed to do. It hurts. I yell at it but it doesn't stop so my tail goes for it next. Whoosh! Into the belly. Some legs come off. Its blood is blue and smells like grasses. It shrieks. Squirms off of me and nurses its wound. Its blood is getting everywhere. I think that's very funny so I do a Ha Ha Ha to myself. Little Mouth reaches for the worm skin and I taste it and it tastes like grass, too. Like eating just a whole bunch of grass. I am angry. They knew I would try to eat it so they made it taste bad. Workers don't eat grass.

Damn it, says Ceiling Voice. That was fast get it out of there that thing's an investment.

Dammit. Dammmmmm-itt. I try making the sound with my mouth but Little Mouth gets in the way.

Bright lights again. Can't see. The ceiling hums. Don't know what the humming is but it happens whenever the lights turn on. Maybe the lights are making fun of me. I think I'll try to follow them and then I can break them and make fun of them instead. I go onto the wall and scurry around. My head wobbles. The sound fills me up. My dome is smart and good at hearing. Hum is coming from above me and to the right.

Shh-shh-shh, says someone. Watch this. Look at her.

Tail shoots out and hits something hard. I hear a KRSH-fizzzzzz and one of the lights goes out. It's still too bright. I follow the humming again.

Amazing. It's like an auditory map, says someone else. It's so precise. We need to scan for accessory organs in the braincase. We've been too distracted investigating the abdominal build and Blah Blah Blah. It's my dome, stupid. Your fault you don't have one. Anyway I find the other light and break it real good and then I can see again. The worm is gone. Instead there is a pile of meat on the ground. I hop down. They think I did something good even though I broke their things and so they gave me food. That's what they do when I do something good. I don't like that. Want to kill. Can't kill what's already dead.

Good girl, Forty Four. Good girl!

Don't want to be their good girl.

I don't eat the meat even though I am hungry because I hate them and I want them to know it. Also there might be bad stuff in there. One time they put stuff in the meat that made me sick and all of my stomach juice came up and they just scribbled with their little scribbling sticks and made sounds to each other. I want to keep my stomach juice, thanks.

They are quiet and I think they are confused. I put my tail through the meat and hurl it at the big wall next to Ceiling Voice. They have eyes in the walls. Hope they saw. It splatters all over everywhere and plops onto the ground.

Great says someone. Wonderful. Return the specimen to its holding station. And would someone call a janitor?

Jaah-nuh-tur. Jahhhhh-nuh-turrr.