I'm supposed to be finishing the explanation of the problems I'm having with my anxiety for a psychiatrist... but this idea came to me at 3am this morning and I just couldn't resist writing it!

I'm sure it's been done countless times before, but I wanted to have a go :-)

Just a little note before we begin – I know from my traffic that I have a lot of American readers, so just to clarify, what I call a mobile phone or just a 'mobile' is just our weird British name for a cellphone.

...

Lord of the Ringtones

Summary: Have you ever wondered how much time it would have saved if the people of Middle Earth had phones? Just some random scenes from the trilogy that would have gone much more smoothly (or less so...) if they'd had access to phones. *Taking suggestions for scenes*

Chapter 1:

FOTR – The Nazgul

"They will find the ring," said Saruman, his voice echoing off of the stone walls surrounding them, "and kill the one who carries it."
"Frodo!" Gandalf half-shouted, realisation dawning on him. He whipped out his phone from the pocket stitched into the underside of his robe, and hastily dialled Frodo's number.
"Come on, pick up, PICK UP!" he hissed into the phone.

….

Frodo and Sam had just settled down for dinner when a shrill ringing made them both jump up,

wary of attack. Then Frodo laughed, realising what the noise was. He leant back against a tree and pulled out his phone, pressing the answer button.
"Hey Gandalf, how's it going?" The voice that answered him was urgent, and Frodo had to listen very carefully to discern one word from another, the speaker was churning them out at such a high speed.
"Frodo, listen to me very carefully, you have to get to the inn as quick as you can. Don't stop for anything, and keep out of sight. They know you have the ring and they are..."

The line went dead.

Frodo took the phone away from his ear and looked at it crossly, as though it had done him a personal offence.
"What did he want Mr Frodo?" asked Sam cheerfully, stoking the small fire they had built.

"He just said to hurry up. We should get moving," replied Frodo, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

Within minutes, they were on their way again, making their way through Farmer Maggot's fields.

….

"...they are...hello? Frodo?! FRODO ANSWER ME!" Gandalf yelled, before hanging up the dead line irritably. "No signal!" he muttered angrily to himself. Stramge, he thought, there had been plenty of service just moments before. He held up his phone and walked around the circular room a bit, trying to find a few bars. After a few minutes, he decided to try and go up to a higher level of Saruman's tower, maybe there would be signal there. He turned to walk out the tall doors behind him, only to have them slam shut just as he reached them.
"You did not seriously think a hobbit could contend with the will of Sauron? There are none who can," said Saruman, his low voice threatening. "Against the power of Mordor, there can be no victory. We must join with him, Gandalf. We must join with Sauron."

Saruman was coming towards him – in a last desperate attempt to escape, Gandalf threw his phone as hard as he could at the other wizard's head. Saruman ducked it easily, and the phone clattered noisily to the ground behind him. For a split second, Gandalf's mind went to the man who sold him the phone trying to push him to buy the extended warranty plan and how he wished he'd listened to him, before everything went black and the ground disappeared from underneath his feet.

….

I know it's weird, but it was just an amusing idea that I thought of writing.

Please let me know what you think if you read this!

Next up: The Ringwraiths squabble over one of their number's choice of ringtone.

Review? Pwetty Pwease? :P

Meg xx