I am alive, yes.

I crawled out of my hiatus to write some stuff Secret Santa stuff for some awesome people. This one is for you, Kim, ya fantastic woman (aka, German Grandma). Hopefully you enjoy this.. :)

Summary: Regulus is at the precipice; his whole life has been leading up to this, and his entire future will be decided because of it. All he can hope is that he is brave enough to survive the aftermath of this decision.

Warnings: Implied character death, and hints at an unhappy home life.

Word Count (excluding a/n): 1101


A Lion's Heart

"Black, Regulus" a stern looking woman called, and Regulus took a deep breath, pushing his way past the other eleven-year-olds. His features were tight, his lips tugging down at the edges, but he moved with purpose.

He could swear the woman who stood behind the stool gave a nod of approval to Regulus as he straightened his shoulders, finally breaking free of the bundle of kids who had yet to be sorted.

Unable to stop himself, he turned his attention to the Gryffindor table, feeling his hands starting to sweat. He was there: Sirius Black, third year, surrounded by his group of friends. Regulus hated it, but he felt a pang of jealousy shoot through his chest. He wanted what Sirius had, but he knew it wasn't in his cards.

...

"Why don't you just do as she says?" Regulus asked as he crawled into Sirius's bed, instinctively snuggling up to his brother. This had been their system for a while, though neither boy spoke about it: Sirius would get in trouble, Regulus would stay out of the way, and then they would spend the night together, desperate to know that the other was still there—still safe.

Sirius sighed, his arms wrapping around Regulus's back and holding him close. "You don't understand, Reggie. I can't be what she wants me to be."

Regulus buried his nose into his brother's chest. "Why don't you pretend like I do?" he asked, his voice small. This wasn't the first time they had argued about this, and it sure wouldn't be the last. Despite his age, Regulus understood this.

"And what, live a lie for my entire life? I won't stand for that!" Sirius said. Regulus half expected Sirius to pull away, but his arms tightened instead, holding Regulus tighter. "Being brave is knowing what you are, and not allowing anyone to tear you down because of it."

Both brothers were silent for a moment, Regulus fighting back tears and Sirius trying to calm his quickened breathing. It was stifling and comforting all at once; neither of them would be able to live without the other.

"I think that it's brave to know which battles shouldn't be fought," Regulus whispered, sounding wise beyond his eight years.

Sirius was quiet for another moment more, before murmuring, "You are brave, Reggie. You're one of the bravest people I've ever known."

Sirius flashed a slight, supportive grin to Regulus, but the younger brother just looked away. He needed to focus, to go over his argument. Yes, Regulus wanted to be with his brother, but he couldn't—not yet.

A part of him knew that maybe he'd never be able to be with his brother again, not properly. Regulus wasn't ready to stand up and fight. It wasn't his time, but Sirius wouldn't understand that. As a kid, Sirius would let Regulus's compliance slide, but not anymore.

Sirius just wouldn't understand.

Finally, Regulus reached the stool, the hat, and the stern woman who had previously introduced herself as Professor McGonagall. Just as confidently as he had broken away from the group of new students, Regulus turned to face the whole school and sat down, his expression not changing when he felt the Sorting Hat settle onto his head, large enough to slip over his eyes.

"Your brother wrote to you." Regulus looked up from his book to see his mother standing in his doorway. She was fuming, her black hair seeming to crackle with unadulterated rage and magic.

Remaining as collected as he could, Regulus raised an eyebrow. "And what did he say?"

He didn't bother asking for the letter, or asking if she had read it—he knew she had read it already, even if it had been addressed to him.

"The insolent boy has gotten himself sorted into Gryffindor and mixed up with the blood traitors," she said, her voice laced with poison. "He has brought shame to us all, not that I should be surprised. He has always been difficult."

Regulus took a deep breath before casting his eyes back down to his book. He knew he needed to keep his cool, something that Sirius was never good at. "He's made his choice," was all he said, despite how desperately he wanted to snatch the letter from his mother's hand—he saw it crinkled between her clenched fingers—and pour over every detail his brother had written.

His mother's features didn't soften, but she smiled all the same. "That he has. It's a good thing we had you, Regulus. You will be everything this family needs," she said before turning and walking away, leaving his door wide open.

As soon as her form was out of sight, Regulus let out a shaky breath.

"Tricky. Very tricky," a raspy voice murmured, seeming to project directly into Regulus's mind. Of course, Regulus was expecting this.

"I'm not all that tricky, I promise," Regulus replied just as softly, his thoughts louder than his words. He wiped the palm of his hands on his trousers; this needed to go well. "I need your help, though. I need to be put in Slytherin."

A soft chuckle reverberated through Regulus's subconscious. "You're bolder than most. Are you sure you wish to go through with this plan? Gryffindor would be lucky to have you, and you would be with your brother."

Regulus's resolve almost broke; he wanted to be with Sirius so bad, and he knew that he could belong in Gryffindor—he could be a lion. But no. He needed to settle for just having a lion's heart. Every visible part of him must become serpentine, even his mind.

"My desires are just as Slytherin as they are Gryffindor," Regulus replied, his spine straightening. This was taking too long. "Just please. Put me with the snakes. That's where I need to be."

It was silent for a moment, and Regulus forced himself to remain calm. "Are you sure you want to do it this way? If you chose betrayal over outright rebellion, the chance of you losing everything is much higher."

It was getting hard to keep focus. Regulus understood the hidden meaning behind the words—cross the Dark Lord, and he will likely lose his life. Regulus had known this for a long time, but his life would be worth the sacrifice if he did it at the right moment.

"I have made my decision," was all Regulus said.

Silence filled Regulus's mind once more, and the young boy shifted just enough to meet his brother's eyes, hopeful and worried all at once.

He was brave. He could do this.

The Sorting Hat roared, "SLYTHERIN!"