Multi song song fic, Allen's P.O.V.
"It'll be all right." You told me. You wanted to save me, you wanted to help me escape from my depression, from all my self loathing.
"I just want to pull the gun against my head, I just want to slide the blade across my wrist." I whisper, a faint smile ghosting my lips.
You pull me to you, trying to hide my weak body from the harsh world. You're warm, you try to heat me up with words and skin, but it doesn't work. I'm cold, I'm cruel and I'm still dead inside.
Loving you, being loved by you, isn't enough. It should be, in all those books we used to read it was enough. In all those romance novels, two people kept each other strong through true love.
I guess you and I were never truly in love.
Were we merely puppets dancing around on strings, being strung along to the music in an eerie minor key?
"It's not too late, it's ever too late. Baby, we'll turn you around." You tell me. I don't snuggle into you, I don't seek out your warmth even though this world is freezing me to death.
This world was never what I expected.
"I want to end my life." I say, painfully blunt, my unusual audacity no doubt shocking my lover. My boyfriend, my beau. Whatever you need to liable us ex- lovers as. Ex lovers because we don't really love each other, do we? Did we ever?
There are so many questions spinning around in my head, swirling into a blurring blizzard of confusion and despair. You didn't notice how wrong I am, how changed my mind has become, how corrupted my mind has finally become. Because it really is too late, is it not?
God, there were so many voices swirling around in my mind, begging me to end it. It just seems to real, it can't be fake and those voices are people, people telling me I'd be better off dead.
"I know you hear their voices..." You say to me. "And I know they may seem real..." they are real, there are people commanding me to end it, begging for me to put them out of their misery. "But Allen, our lives are made up of choices. I need you to make the right one."
"I just want to end my life." And I don't belong here, who would have guessed?
"Don't. It'll be alright, just try to stay alive. It's never too late." You told me. "I'll do anything to prove to you that it's not too late, it's never too late to find a purpose."
I always disappear on you, even when I'm at home.
I smile in your arms. You don't know it, but tonight is the night I start the fire, the night I break away.
Break away from everything, from everyone.
Is it too hard to understand that I'm too weak, that I'm incomplete?
So give me all your poison, and give me all your pills. Give me all your hopeless hearts and make me ill. I'm something that you'll easily kill.
And yes, I'm firing at will.
This started as me just being depressed, and now we're here and I have just disclaimed -Man, though I don't really go into the characters or setting. One-Shot written at 2:30 last night.
There are the lyrics to Nightmare (Avenged Sevenfold), Thank You For the Venom (My Chemical Romance), and Never Too Late (Three Days Grave) meshed in here. Maybe some other ones from similar songs.
