When Bella and Edward started dating, you could say I was a little jealous. Everyone noticed this; it was obvious. Perfect eyes, perfect face, great sense of humor, an amazing body - how could I not want that for myself? Was that really too much to ask? Couldn't we share? But no, of course not. So my jealousy ignited into fiery rage and then simmered down to a few burning embers of pitiful depression. But not for long.

It happened at the movie theater. Edward had reserved one of the cinema rooms especially for his date with Bella tonight. Show-off. For reasons unknown to me, I'd been invited. My spidey senses were tingling. Something was going to happen. And happen it did.

"You're breaking up with me?!" Bella screeched.

I perked up. What? I turned around to see Bella standing, tears already streaming down her face. This is my chance. Hopefully.

I could barely hear Edward's response over the ringing in my ears. It sounded like, "I'm sorry, Bella. It wasn't meant to be. Can't we be friends?"

"No! Not unless 'friend' has been redefined to mean people who make out and occasionally do it!" I like that definition.

"We've never 'done it,' Bella," Edward replied awkwardly. "You know I don't have that kind of control."

"Oh, sure. Know what? I think you could if you wanted to, but you won't!" And with that, she stormed out of the theater. I immediately followed her, but not after trying to decide whether I should be happy or sad. I came to no conclusion.

I found her on a bench in the lobby, tears running down her face. I sat next to her. She didn't look up, but she turned to let me hug her.

"Bella, you'll be okay. He's left before."

She didn't respond, but instead sobbed harder.

I heard Edward talking to someone across the room. I looked up. Sure enough, he was at the refreshment counter, talking to Mike Newton.

"So how are you and Jessica?" Edward asked.

"I don't know about Jessica, but I'm great!" Mike responded with an unnervingly chipper voice. Didn't his parents own a camping store or something?

"Did you two break up?" Edward questioned, seeming quite surprised. Hell, who wouldn't break up with her? Ed was obviously being polite.

"Yeah, I kind of realized that she's very annoying." Some guy came up and stood next to Mike.

"Who's this?" he asked in a very girly, British-accented voice.

"Oh, this is Edward. Edward, this is Ike," Mike said before adding slowly, "my boyfriend." I started laughing hysterically. He didn't seem to notice, but Edward glanced at me before responding.

"You're gay?"

"Yeah. Weren't you wondering why I work here? My parents kicked me out."

I laughed harder.

"So, were you going to buy something, love?" Ike asked.

"Umm. Yes," Edward replied. "Can I have a Hershey's bar?"

I stopped listening. How can he buy chocolate when his ex-girlfriend is crying on my lap? Where does he get the nerve to do that? Why would someone do something so idiotic?

"Bella, look at me," Edward said softly.

She looked up. She really sucks at refusing Edward what he wants.

"Have some chocolate," Edward told her with his crooked smile. Damn him. I wish I could do that.

"Jacob, please stop cursing."

Fuck you.

He grimaced. "You know you want to."

No, I fucking don't.

He rolled his eyes. Girl.

"I'm all man." He winked. Fag.

He scowled.

"Can we go already? Please?" Bella asked quietly.

"Fine," Edward said, helping her up.

We drove in almost-silence. Bella was still sniffling quietly. I sat in the backseat with her, rubbing small circles into her back.

We got to that retarded Cullen palace after only a few minutes. Stupid vampire with his stupid vampire driving...

Edward chuckled.

HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF PRIVACY?

He pursed his lips. Freak.

"Oh, you're one to talk."

Well, I didn't actually say anything.

"Child."

Pansy boy.

"I am not!" Edward said indignantly.

Ha. Your reaction proves otherwise. ANYWAY, we should go inside.

"Fine."

Bella slowly lifted her head from my shoulder.

"We're here?"

Yeah.

"She can't hear you, you know," Edward pointed out.

"What are you two talking about?"

"Nothing," I mumbled. "Let's go inside."

I ambled out of the car and waited. Bella took her time unbuckling her seatbelt. Could she be any slower?

"Yes," Edward said. "Although it's not very likely."

"Are you wondering if I can go a day without falling down a flight of stairs?" Bella wondered.

"No, although I'm still waiting for that day to come," Edward replied.

Alice ran out of the house, arms open, and instantly hugged Bella. The sudden rush of vampire stench made me crinkle my nose. I'd gotten used to Edward, I guess. Being around him so much must have desensitized me.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" Alice asked, petting Bella's hair.

"Umm, yeah, I guess."

"No, you're not. Come on, let's go inside." She glared at Edward as she wrapped her arm around Bella's shoulders. She led her into the house as Edward and I exchanged glances.

She's insane.

"Yes, she is sometimes."

Well, I'm scared.

"As you should be, my furry friend," he said, gripping my shoulder. I shivered. "Oh, I'm sorry." He took his hand off, but the cool imprint of his palm lingered.

"Shall we?" he murmured, motioning towards the house.

I nodded and walked briskly towards the door, not wanting to stay in his presence for much longer. I could feel him walking behind me, and his nearness suddenly felt nauseating. I practically sprinted the last ten yards before bounding up the steps and coming face-to-chest with Emmett.

"Damn," Emmett muttered.

I stumbled backwards, startled. His scent! Edward caught me and placed me upright. Emmett didn't seem to notice.

"Why did you break up with her?" he bellowed. "What am I supposed to do for entertainment now?"

"Well, we have high-definition television."

"You know I only watch sports! And Alice always tells me who's gonna win!"

"So play billiards."

I stood back. This is pretty amusing.

"I can't!" he roared. "You read my mind, Alice predicts my moves, and Jasper makes me mad so I break something!"

I laughed. "Are you sure you don't do that on your own?"

Emmett ignored me, but Edward smiled.

"He has a point, you know."

He reminds me of the Incredible Hulk.

Edward and I laughed for a minute, enjoying our private joke. He suddenly stopped.

He cleared his throat. "Emmett, I do not enjoy these thoughts. I do not want to--" His face twisted in disgust.

Emmett grinned and went back inside, feeling accomplished.

"What did he think about?" I asked as Edward recovered.

"Nothing," he whispered before carefully composing his face into a mask of calm serenity. "Shall we?" he asked, his voice completely even.

I nodded and walked inside. Looking to my right, I saw Emmett brooding on the couch. I could hear Bella quietly sobbing in the dining room and the clatter of dishes in the kitchen. The warm, inviting smell of friend chicken drifted over to my nose. The scent suddenly grew stronger.

"Bella," Alice called, walking out of the kitchen, "I have comfort food for you." Indeed, she did. She held a tray with bars of chocolate, fried chicken, ice cream, and cookie dough.

"Thanks," Bella whispered, tears obvious in her voice.

I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her, even though it made me sad. Edward walked up behind me, standing dangerously close. My breath caught in my throat.

Bella looked up, surprised at my suddenly shallow breathing. Attempting to make a joke, she said, "Are you gay?"

My eyes flickered quickly to Edward.

"Of course not," he replied. "You know that."

"I don't know much of anything anymore, at least not when it comes to you!" She sounded more than a little agitated.

"Well, I'm not."

"Come, Bella, away from these horrible men."

Bella stood, and Alice took her hand and dragged her upstairs. There was silence.

I looked at Edward. "Well, that was random." How did she know?

Edward's eyes opened wide. He did something very quickly with his hands. "Hmm. Yes," he said, biting his lip.

There was a noise from the top of the stairs, and Bella screamed. We looked over to see Bella crash at the bottom. Her body was in an odd position, and she was completely still.

Edward and I exchanged glances.

I was wondering when that would happen. I smiled a little, and so did he.

The next thing that came from Edward's lips made me ridiculously happy. "Good thing I have a DeathNote."

With that, I knew this was destiny.