A/N: So, this is just a little exploration of the Doctor's inner thoughts involving his companions and his travels. Nothing racey or sweary, just good clean... deepness, I guess. I do not own Doctor Who nor any related works. I do not profit from this in any way. Please review and let me know what you think. Hope you enjoy it. Also, hi, lurkers! I welcome reviews from you, too. :D
There is a time, between when the excitement of the adventure ends and the relief of knowing he will live another day, when he looks back and compares- was this more or less danger then usual? He knows that he could have died, regenerated, and moved on- but there was always the chance of something going so horribly wrong. A bullet to the head, a rock tied to his chest and dropped into a swimming pool.
And then there were his companions. He loved them, each and every one- who else would he allow to come along? But at the same time, he never got close because they would not regenerate. Often, he would leave with a friend and leave a family waiting for them, wondering where they were, hoping they would return. And they wouldn't. Oh, most returned, sometimes damaged but nevertheless back- but there were those who never returned and whose parents, friends and neighbors would go to the grave, waiting. He never told most of them, couldn't bear the look in their eyes as he explained that the brother, sister, son, daughter they loved and missed would never return- and that they would not get a body. Would not even know how they died.
All of this passed through his head in a flash every time he looked someone in the eye- that he might leave someone waiting for this person forever. But even with all this guilt and fear, his need would get the better of him and he would offer: "Come with me. Come and see the stars." He always hoped and feared for their answer, knowing what he knew. He wasn't safe, for anyone, and they trusted him to be. And he would walk into the TARDIS, with or without someone in tow. And he would fly away. That adventure was over, and he would close the door on it and consider all of this in the blink of an eye.
And then, the voice of one of these people he loved so much would rouse him, call him by name.
"Doctor?"
And he would smile and bounce away, smiling as he sent the TARDIS spinning up and away from it all, smiling as they landed and went to the door to look outside. Because he knew if he allowed himself to be held down, to think about these things to long, he just might stop going and never move again.
