A/N: This is a project I've been wanting to do for a while, I was just waffling over which album to use. I think this one fits nicely. So, each chapter will be inspired by a song on the album, and I plan to do the whole thing in order. There will be lyrics from the corresponding song at the beginning of each chapter, which will hopefully "set the mood" for the oneshot. I encourage you to listen to the track that corresponds with the chapter before, during, or after reading! Thanks for reading this ridiculously long A/N and I hope you enjoy the fic!
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note and no disrespect is intended.
Genre: Friendship/Angst
One foot in and one foot back/But it don't pay to live like that/So I cut the ties and jumped the tracks […] When at first I learned to speak/I used all my words to fight/With him and her and you and me/But it's just a waste of time
Mello is remembering.
A more sentimental person might call it 'reminiscing', but Mello is not sentimental (or at least, he tries very hard not to be.)
There's no order to the memories that flit through his consciousness. He's taking a much-needed, albeit short, break from working on the Kira case, due to the demands of his annoying—he supposes Matt is his best friend—who informed him that he looked horrible and was probably gonna die from exhaustion if he didn't give it a rest, to use Matt's own words.
Mello was going to retort with a biting remark about the current state of his face, and how that certainly wasn't helping his overall appearance, but then Matt looked at him, and for some reason it made Mello shut up.
That was a very recent memory. Most of the others are older. They come to him seemingly of their own volition, as Mello is in no mood to get misty-eyed over his past. So he lies on the unmade bed and passively remembers. The emotions are what come through the strongest, and every memory seems to be tinged with an emotional aura, of sorts. There is anger, and sadness, and jealousy, and worry, but there is also happiness, and sometimes there's a vibrant cloud of mixed feelings, pulsating and incomprehensible.
Pinpointed moments mix in with sweeping swaths of time to produce when Near beat Mello on a test for the 14th time. When Mello kicked a soccer ball into some poor boy's face (completely on accident, although no one believed him.) Sitting down in the dining hall for lunch time and time again. A flickering image of a woman's outstretched hand. Hours upon hours of life spent locked in his room, studying as if his life depended on it (and in a way, it did.) Seeing the world tinted orange for the few brief seconds before his untrusting fellow orphan snatched his goggles back and ran away.
As if the thought summoned his presence, the door swings open with a creak and Matt steps in, carrying a plastic bag.
"Well, well, well," he says smugly as he spots Mello lying on the bed, "look who actually listened to me for once."
Mello sits up and stares at him, not bothering to reply to the haughty comment. Instead, he asks, "What's in the bag?"
"Food!" Matt says brightly. "Real food, made of things other than sugar and diabetes."
Like Matt has any room to talk, Mello thinks, but he's interested nonetheless, because it has been a while since he's had a proper meal. He swings his legs over the side of the bed and moves to sit at the tiny table in the corner of the room. Matt sits across from him, seemingly unperturbed by the lack of response, and begins taking packages out of the bag.
It's Chinese carry-out, and Mello is excited, though of course he will try his best to hide it.
"So," Matt says, as he removes the last package, which is filled with egg rolls, "I didn't really know what to get you, and I didn't have much money. Hope this is all right."
"Yeah," Mello says too quickly. "This is fine. This is good, actually." He doesn't know if it's the food that's making him so agreeable, or the fact that Matt actually took the time to—
"Hold up," Mello says suddenly, fork full of chicken halfway to his mouth. "I didn't tell you that you could quit surveillance for this evening."
Matt looks at him a moment, then he sighs. "You're taking a break. Why can't I?"
"What if something crucial happens while you're not watching? That could cost me the case!"
"Mello, shut up and enjoy your food," Matt says, and he seems a little taken aback by his own words.
Mello can feel himself getting angry, because he's the one who gives orders, and it's not Matt's pride and prestige that are on the line, and what right does he have to speak to Mello like that?
But then Mello looks at him. Head low, carefully avoiding eye contact, eating quietly: Matt realizes that he's stepped over a line. And Mello thinks maybe he should stop being such an asshole and do what Matt says for once.
"Okay," he says quietly, and Matt's head shoots up and his eyes widen behind his stupid omnipresent goggles and the whole situation is kind of comical and Mello laughs. He actually laughs, and he startles himself with it, and that in and of itself is funny too, and so he continues to laugh while Matt stares at him like he's lost his mind.
Finally, the laughter dies down, and Mello smiles to himself and begins eating in earnest, and Matt continues to stare for a while before saying "What" flatly.
Mello says nothing and continues eating. "You're smiling," Matt informs him, and after a moment, Matt shakes his head and he's smiling too. "I didn't realize seeing me would put you in such a great mood. I guess I'll have to stop by more often." He grins.
"Don't flatter yourself," Mello says, but he doesn't mean it, because something is beginning to stick in his mind. Of all the memories he has, the best ones are those which contain Matt. It doesn't matter what the emotional aura behind them is; it kind of becomes irrelevant in the face of such an important detail.
Mello must be projecting some of his thoughts onto his face, because Matt says, "Hey, you look a lot better than you did the last time I saw you. You really needed this break."
"Yeah," Mello concedes. "I did."
There's a pause in which the eating resumes, and when they finish their meal, there's a bit of an awkward silence.
"Well," Matt says, but Mello interrupts him.
"Matt."
"Yeah?"
"Thank you." The words sound a little like a foreign language coming from Mello, but Matt only startles for a moment.
"No problem. I'll get back to work now."
"You—" Mello begins and Matt turns back from his walk to the door.
"You don't have to," he says. "I mean, you could stay here for a little longer. If you want."
Matt takes absolutely no time to consider this and immediately says, "Fine, but I wanna watch a horror movie, and I know they scare you, but it'll be okay because I'm here," and Mello punches him in the arm hard enough to leave a bruise but it's all right.
"This is stupid," Mello says later as they sit on the bed, watching Matt's choice of movie on pay-per-view, and Matt just laughs because Mello's face is currently tucked into his shoulder, and he's peeking out from between strands of Matt's hair.
"It'll be okay," Matt says, and because it's Matt, Mello believes him.
