Fifty Shades of a Second Chance
CH. 1
Christian:
I look out the window of my office onto an overcast Seattle. The weather reflects a mirror image of my mood, gloomy. My mind wonders to Anastasia. Is she okay? Is she out with that fucking photographer? Does she feel the same as me? She told me she fell in love with me. Fuck, I shake my head trying to rid the unwelcome thoughts from my mind. "Don't. Don't you go there Grey, you don't do the hearts and flowers shit," my conscious sneers. The words echo truth in me. I'm right, I don't do "more." Anastasia deserves someone that can love her, someone who can give her what she deserves someone who can give her more. "More." There's that word again. Exhaling I go to my desk and pack the rest of the days paperwork into my briefcase and exit my office. Escala has become nothing more than an empty place without Ana's presence and I have to say I miss looking forward to her smart mouth. She always kept me on edge, wondering what she would do or say next. I'm nearly getting to the ground floor and ready to exit the elevator when I feel the familiar vibration of my cell in my breast pocket. I'm already irritated and almost want to ignore it, but it may be important so I retrieve it. The display reads, "Anastasia Steele." And I feel my heart skip a beat. Without a second thought I answer. "Ana?" My voice is calm but I'm a wreck on the inside. "Christian!" her voice rushes through the receiver in a whispered plea. All my nerves stand on edge and in that instant I know she's in trouble. "Ana what is it? What's wrong? Are you okay? Do you need medical help? Anastasia are you there? Answer me?!" The words fly out of my mouth so fast I'm unsure she knows what I've said. "Christian, someone broken into my apartment and they're here. I'm in the apartment and I need you please!." Her voice shakes through my receiver and sends my nerves into overdrive. The elevator doors ping and before I realize it I'm sprinting through the lobby, through the main door to the SUV where Taylor is waiting. "Ana, where are you. Where is he?" I'm shouting at her and I don't mean to but I'm frantic. As I near the vehicle Taylor spots me and an alarmed look crosses his face. He moves to exit the vehicle but I signal him to stay put as I climb into the backseat. "Anastasia is in trouble, we need to go to her apartment now!". Taylor doesn't hesitate and as soon as I slam the door he takes off like a bat out of hell.
Anastasia:
Christian is simultaneously shouting orders at Taylor and directions to the apartment. Then there is a brief muffling sound. "Sorry baby, what did you say?" His words come in a rush but I know it is because he's scared. Hell, even I'm scared. I focus on the sounds coming from the other room, "I'm in the kitchen hiding behind the island. The intruder is in Kate's room looking through stuff, I think,". Somehow, I manage to say the words in a low shaky voice. "Your bedroom is down the hall away from Kate's correct?" "Yes," I reply. I hear him shout at Taylor once more and I almost want to tell him to be nice but this isn't the appropriate time. "Anastasia are you still there? Listen baby I'm close by I'm just two minutes away. I need you safe till then though. I need you to secure yourself in your room. I'm going to count to three and on the count of three you're going to run to your room and lock the door, do you understand?" Christian has a plan, I need to remain calm so I can execute said plan. Christian is close by I just need to lock myself in the room. "Yes, I c-can do that," I reply. I need to be brave. I look over the island and the coast is clear. Just 15 feet to my room and I hide behind the door. His voice come through the receiver, "Okay baby ready? 1-2…3, run Ana!" At his command I take off. From the corner of my eye a figure emerges from Kates room. "Hey!" The figure yells but I don't give him a second thought. I run straight into my room, slam the door behind me and lock it. Adrenaline rushes through me and there is an aura of feeling safe around me and as I fully embrace it there is a pounding at my door. "Open the fucking door now!" The intruder yells as his fists clash against my bedroom door. Fear surrounds me and I begin absentmindedly backpedaling from the door till I bump into the wall. There is a faint whisper of Christian yelling my name and then I realize that I'm still holding the phone. I put it to my ear but he is yelling at Taylor and begin pleading his name but he doesn't hear me. "Oh Christian, please hurry. I need you," I send a prayer out. I think I can last in here until he arrives. But that though quickly dies as the door to my room bursts open and there is a man with greasy blonde hair. He steps through the threshold into my room. "Got you, " he snarls and then launches himself at me. I try to dodge him but there isn't really any room to avoid him. He grabs my arm and yanks it so hard that I fall on the ground.
Christian:
Tires screech against the pavement and I'm out the door long before we make a complete stop. "Find Ana!" My consciousness repeats over and over. As I enter the apartment I hear her muffled cries coming from some distant corner. My veins chill, I run straight through to her room and I am stopped dead my tracks at the threshold, but only for a split second. That's all it takes for me to process what is happening and what is going to come. In that split second, I see a man straddled on top of Ana as she struggles to free herself from beneath his weight. He pulls his right fist back as if he is going to hit her. Anxiety and fear change in to hatred and anger. In the next second before his fist retracts, I lunge myself at the man; no, the coward. Grabbing him by the back of his shirt I practically lift him from her. He hits the wooden flooring so hard his head bounces off as his body slides limply away. " Christian!" she gasps. It feels so good to hear her voice wrap around my name. Normally that would calm me but I am too lost in my hatred for the lowlife laying limply on the ground. I looked her over and help her up off the ground. She holds onto my forearm as she rises and lifts her eyes to mine. Fuck, how long ago was it that I last looked into them? It feels like ages. "Did he hurt you," I ask but she stares at me blankly as if she doesn't understand the question. That irritates me. "Did he hurt you?!" I ask again my irritation flaring. "No," she says timidly and then her eyes shift to the man on the ground behind me and her eyes bulge. Turning I shield her behind me and I see that he's recovering. I turn my attention to Taylor who is standing at the threshold waiting for orders. "Taylor keep Ana safe, I'm going to attend to this intruder," I say. Ana clutches my forearms tighter as she realizes what I mean. Taylor senses this and moves to remove her hold on me because the fucking intruder is almost on his feet. "No! No Christian don't-" "Anastasia Steele, let go right now," I say, cutting her off. Just then, Taylor rips her gasp from me. I turn with my fist ready and he runs straight into it. The punch lands him in the jaw and he goes down. Quickly remove my suit jacket and toss it aside. Ana is saying something but she's becomes background noise. I have one thing on my mind and that's the fact he was going to hurt Anastasia. I step over him and go to town on his face. My fist rain down on him over and over. He's bleeding, a lot but I don't care, I just continue to punch him. I feel a hand on my shoulders and Taylor is trying to make me stop but I can't. "Christian stop your killing him," Ana shrieks and it is as if I have hit some invisible wall. I stop immediately and my head snaps to her. She looks afraid, afraid of me. I look down at the man's face. It is swollen and bloody but he's still breathing. I look at my hands they smeared with his blood. I look back at Anastasia and she looks so scared. My stomach turns, she's seen the monster I can be and she's afraid of me, shit. "Ana -" I begin to say but I don't know what I'm trying to say at all. There's nothing to say. I stand up and Taylor has taken his hands off me. I can't bring myself to look at Ana so I just stare down at my bloodied hands. "Christian are you okay." I look up and Ana is standing in front of me. That's such an absurd question, she should be the one asked that. Blankly I stare at her not knowing how to feel or what to say and all I see is only concern in her eyes. For whom? For me? See Grey all she ever did was care, you need to win her back.
Anastasia:
A lost boy, scared lost boy that is who I see standing in front of me. Not the dominant, not the control freak megalomaniac, but a fragile boy. Oh fifty, my heart swells in my chest. He's quiet and just stares at me, im at a loss for words. My gaze lowers from his face to his blood smeared hands. Fuck, he was going to kill that guy because he was going to hurt me, that guy was going to- "no, stop," my consciousness chimes in and she's right I can't deal with that right now. I have to attend to my fifty. Squaring my shoulders and lifting my chin, I turn my attention to Taylor. "Taylor I'm going to take Christian into the kitchen to wash his hands. I trust you can handle this situation?" I say and he looks momentarily stunned that I'm giving orders but his face smooths immediately. "Yes, Miss Steele, I have it under control," he says and with that, he proceeds to pull out his phone and dials a number. Turn my attention back to Christian who still looks lost he doesn't look at me when I address him, just his hands. I want to hold him, not only to comfort me but him as well, and I almost allow myself too but I don't know if he will freak out on me. "Christian," I repeat and again he doesn't acknowledge me. I take a step towards him and repeat myself once more and this time his head snaps to hold my gaze. "You need to wash your hands, come." I turn and walk slowly to the kitchen and to my relief he follows. We stop at the sink. I turn on the water and let it heat a bit and turn to him, he's anticipating my next move. "Christian I'm going to roll up your sleeves to your elbows. I won't hurt you, I promise." I say. Somehow, having to say that to him hurts because I know his fear is that severe that movements made towards him have to be addressed. "Okay," he says and its almost a gasp for air as if he's been holding his breath. I make haste work on his sleeves, careful to only pull against the fabric as I roll. He just stares down at my hands the whole time. Shit is he traumatized? Am I going too far by doing these things for him? GAH! I just want to help him. "Christian, I want to wash your hands for you, is that okay?" And he looks bewildered as if I just spoken to him in another language. "What?" I say. His brows furrow and he searches my face, for what, I don't know. "Christian what is it, tell me?" "You aren't ...afraid of me?" His words are low but I know he's dead serious. What? Is this why he's so quiet? He thinks I'm afraid of him? Why would he think that- oh right he just turned the face of a man who wanted to hurt me into pulps and he has blood on his hands. But I can rationalize that. He just wanted to protect me. That's what he was doing and that's what he did. Can't he see that? I shake my head, " No, I'm not. You were just protecting me and you did. Christian if you never came I-I ...," I falter on my words. I don't want to think what could have been, that outcome is just too sickening, "This could have ended very differently." I say, not wanting to turn this conversation dark. His face goes into fifty contemplating mode as if he's weighing the truth of my words in his head and mercurial as he is his mood shifts, All of the sudden, he looks so relieved and I think fifty is back from wherever he went off to. "Baby I thought you were afraid of me and surely I thought you were going to run for the hills, I'm relieved you're not. Please, if you don't mind, I would really appreciate it if it is you that washes my hands," he says coolly and that's how I know he's back and in command. Taking his hands in mine I place them under the running faucet. I lather, wash, and repeat, not wanting to leave any trace of blood on him. He sits silently and watches intently. I'm surprised that he hasn't tensed up. He seems so relaxed or it could just be that I'm only touching his hands and not his chest. When I'm done, I grab the towel and dry them. I take a little longer than I should because despite the belt and breaking up, I miss him, really miss him, and this may be the last time I'll ever be this close to him, touching him. When I'm done, I feel a moment of braveness and drop the towel to lean up and kiss his cheek. "Thank you Christian, for everything. When I realized someone was in here, I just wanted you to be here and, I know I shouldn't have called but I didn't know what else to do." My gaze falls to my now intertwine knuckles. I feel ashamed that I dragged him from his life to save me, "Anastasia. " I hear him then I feel his fingertips caress my chin and tilt it up so that I am looking at him. "I wouldn't let anyone ever hurt you," he says. Then, gently, as if I'm made of glass, he kisses my forehead and pulls me into a hug. "I'll always protect you, even if we aren't together." His words are so sincere that tears begin to prick my eyes. I want him but I know we are incompatible and I can't be what he needs. I bury my face into his neck and inhale his sweet scent. He holds me, his cheek pressed against my head and we say nothing. Body wash, fresh linen and Christians scent flood my senses and I bask in it. The silence is broken eventually by Taylor and Christian releases me. "Mr. Grey the situation had been situated. The offender was hauled down to the county jail house and I already filed the report. A Warren Gresham, will contact you in the morning about how you want to proceed with this matter." "Thank you, Taylor. Will you get the car ready, we will be leaving shortly." What? He's leaving already? My heart sinks at the thought. Christian turns to me, "Anastasia." He starts in on his no nonsense attitude. "I want you to come home with me, just for a few days or at least till Kate gets back and before you say no baby, consider the lock on the door needs to be replaced and I'm not leaving you alone here until a security device is installed. Please, don't fight me on this." I know I shouldn't go because we aren't together but it gives me more time with him. Besides, he's right. I can't stay here after what just happened and the lock already busted and all. "Okay." I say. "I just need to pack a bag." He looks as if he wants to say something but stops and just nods.
Christian:
The ride from Anastasias apartment to mine is short but it felt so long. We are shrouded in darkness as the SUV makes its way down to the last few blocks. Anastasia is quiet, and that could be for numbers of reasons. I am quiet too but my head swirls with ideas to prolong her presence with me. I want her, I'm selfish and I know she deserves so much better but I couldn't stand it if anyone else had her. She's 's mine and only mine. I will lay my world at her feet if she'd just give me another chance. Flynn's words from our last session came to me. "You tried the relationship your way and it didn't work, how about trying it her way? If it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out but consider this Christian, what if it does? In relationships couples need to reciprocate what is given. You need to both give and take, you need to find what works with Ana. You can't hold her to do everything you want if you aren't willing to give her something that she wants. It goes much deeper than material things, consider that, talk to her." Fucking Flynn, he's right. She wants more and to touch me but can I go that far? The few times she has touched me, the darkness didn't surface and it was only out of fear that I would shut he down only realizing after that, her touch surfaced nothing. My train of thought is interrupted as we enter the garage and florescent lights illuminate the car. She's staring out the window and then turns to me and thanks me yet again. I roll my eyes." Anastasia, you must stop thanking me, I told you Ill always protect you, you are worth keeping safe." I mean it Anastasia. She blushes but says nothing though she seems perplexed by my statement. Taylor parks the SUV and as we near the elevator I wonder if its there, the familiar charge of being in it with her. I push the penthouse call button and dial in my code, Tthe doors close and slowly the charge build, fuck it's still there. I clenched my hands to my sides and pray the ride up is brief. Anastasia felt it too. I know, cause she has exhaled at least twice already. The doors eventually open and I exhale. Was I holding my breath? "Come." I say, and take her hand into mine and she doesn't resist, good girl. It feels so good to have her hand in mine and I briefly wondered if she feels the same way too. Oh course she does grey that's why she lingered on washing your hands Hope begins to bloom in my gut. We are halfway across the great room when she abruptly stops pulling her hand from my grip. Turning to her, I met with a tear stained face and she starts to shake. "Christ Ana, what's wrong?" What the hell is going on? "I-I I'm sorry Christian, sorry for everything. Sorry that I couldn't be what you wanted and needed. I'm not good enough for you Christian, and I don't know what I'm doing here. It isn't fair to you." She won't even look me in the eyes. She's staring at the floor crying. Where the fuck this is coming from. Can't she see that it's me who isn't deserving of her? I must make this right. I tug on her hand, "Anastasia come." and with that begin to tow her to the floor length mirror that hangs on the opposite of the great room. I only stop when we are five feet from and position her in front of me so that I am standing directly behind her. Her chestnut hair hangs effortlessly around her face it brings out her eyes. Tears still slowly fall from her face as she tries to calm herself and I want to run my palms over them till there isn't a trace of her crying left but not now, I have to make her understand. I lean in and kiss her temple and give her a genuinely warm smile and she smiles back. "Ana look, what do you see?" I say and gesture towards our reflection. "Umm, you and me?" She says unsure. "Look harder what do you see," I said again. Come on baby, you can do better. See what I see, I try to mentally speak to her. She furrows her brows and then sadness briefly crosses her face but then morphs to indifference. "I don't know, you." I roll my eyes. This isn't about me. "You know what I see? I see a beautiful girl, who is strong, brave and hard-headed. I see compassion, goodness and purity. Why you doubt yourself Ana is beyond me but I don't like it when you do or speak so lowly of yourself. It is I who isn't good enough for you Miss Steele, but I'm selfish and I want you back." As the words leave my mouth, I concentrate on her face in the mirror she seems surprised by my admissions. "Ana, I need you. We did the relationship my way and it didn't work. I'm willing to try it your way now. You told me you loved me. Does it still stand? Her blue eyes transfix with mine in the mirror, "I still do," she says. My arms encircle her and I burry my face into her neck, close my eyes and inhale her scent. "Good." I breathe. Her body sinks into mine and her shoulder loose the tension. " I've missed you so much," she whispers. The words wrap around my chest. "I've missed you more than you will ever know Anastasia," and I hug her closer to me. Her fingertips trace patterns into my forearms and I'm okay with that. After a while, I open my eyes and she smiles at me. A shy smile creeps across my face and she grins even harder. I will not ruin this, I already did once and I won't make the same mistake again. I silently vow to myself. I have her back and that's all that matters.
