Legal: Don't own OLS, nor anything about rednecks. I just wrote this for laughs. XD Thanks to Jeff Foxworthy for the idea, and some materiale.
Hick Eye for the Gay Guy
"Hey y'all, and welcome to another edition of Hick Eye fer th' Gay Guy. I'm yer host, Mike Joe-Bob Smoltz, and t'day we have our good friend Fred Lowe with us, all the way from Heiphong 3."
Fred just stood there, waving and smiling like a moron. "Hi everyone! " He chimed in that annoyingly high-pitched voice of his.
"Now the other day we took our friend Fred here campin'. Got to th' lodge and Fred dun ran in an' immediately started puzzling over how to "re-decorate" the lodge... or whatever."
"It really could've done with a few throwpillows, some nicer curtains, and the Durzog head on the wall should either be removed entirely or have lace draped on its horns." Fred quickly threw in.
"Shoosh, you. Now as I was sayin', we all got the fixin's set fer the campfire an' that stuff, an Fred was nice enough to make dinner for us, what wazzat stuff 'ere, Fred?"
"It was a le vasch and murdon cheese salad, Mike. "
"Yeah...be honest wi' ya folks, heh, we couldn' eat it, but we did open up a can er two o' Gordel chili, poured dat on top an' it was purty durn gewd. Tell ya what, you put dat Gordel's stuff on top ye head, yer tongue'll beatcher brains out tryin'a get t' that stuff.
"Now after dinner we all went out to th' campfire, Buddy-Wayne got out his git-tar, Fred hopped up on top a stump an' started singin' "It's Rainin' Men" an' a medley of Cher hitch. O.o;;"
Fred just stodd there, smiling like a complete ignoramus. " "
"After dat we all turned in, Fred slept on th' couch while we all locked ourselfs in th' bunk-room and pushed th' chest a' drawrs up 'gainst the door and prayed fer mornin'...Longest damn 7 hours a' Billy-Ray's life, from what he said...was worse that mornin'.
"We all poked our head outta the bunk-room wi' our shok'uns, Fred was standin' thar smilin'. Oh Lordy. We're doomed. He was standin' thar just smiling, then he screeched 'Breakfast's ready, sleepy-heads!' We all inched out an' went to th' breakfast table... Fred had laid out them thar puffy, pink Li'l Debbie snowball thingies, a big ol' plate o' some kinda French lookin' pancakes 'er suh'um..."
"They're called crepes, Mike. " Fred chirped.
"Yeah, wha'ever...anyhow, we took one look at what was next and we just ran out da door like batsoutta Hell, jumped n th' truck an' took off like thar was no tomarra...it was a spinach and cheddar cheese quiche..."
"You didn't even try any of it... :("
"As if we would, you fruitcake."
"Awww, come on, try it:(" Fred whined as he whipped a plate of quiche from his jacket.
"Y'all git away from me! Git away!"
"C'mon, try iiiiit! It's goooooood!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GIT HIM AWAY FROM MEEE! GIT DA SHOK'UNS, GIT THE DAMN BAZOOKAAAAS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
The screen statics as Mike rams into a camera. A little message pops up: "We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please be patient as we return to our regularly scheduled programming." The screen goes blank suddenly.
o) Well, there you have it! Please RnR, it's just too freaky! XD (o
