A/N: Hey guys, so firstly. I'm trying out third person. I don't know… do we prefer when I do first? Lol I feel this attempt wasn't very good lol

Secondly, it's short – just trying to see if this is something people are interested in?

A story where Jay and Erin find their way back to each other, not through long talks or a big confrontation. But inch by inch, growing closer again as they discover their new dynamic and Erin learns about the hidden side of Jay.

Finding my way back to you

"Um, hey, look I don't want to have to tip toe around you at work. That's not us." Erin averts her eyes away from Jay, a slight nod his only sign she agrees.

"And I think I just need some time." Erin's hazel eyes are full of pain when they land on his.

"Yeah, I do too." When she takes in the pain showing in his blue orbs, she has to look away.

"Thank god for the job though, right? I mean, everyday you get to meet somebody whose problems are bigger than yours." A look flashes across Jay's face, he's wondering if she really believes that.

He sure doesn't, his own problems and their distance seems very real and big to him.

"Yeah, I guess so." He says it to appease her.

"I got her into a 90 day rehab facility, so I'm gonna go get her checked in."

"Erin." His voice is urgent, calling for her to halt her movements.

He takes in her head tilt and questioning eyes, a deep breath is needed before he can say what he wants to say.

"I'm going to a PTSD support group now." Erin's eyes blink, taken aback before they soften.

"Um." She watches as he knars at his bottom lip with his teeth.

"Um, I just. I should have dealt with everything before, but I didn't… it helps to listen to their stories, it's helping me to open up with others who are… going through this. I'm talking to people who saw what I saw, did what I did… and I need this."

"Jay." Erin takes half a step, faltering when all she wants to do is reach out.

"I just want you to know. You deserve an explanation. It's stirring up a lot from that time of my life… but I don't want this to be the end of us Erin."

"I don't know Jay, when you walked out…" Erin can't find the right words; his eyes take in her stance and step in.

"I hurt you, I know. I shouldn't have done it like that… I was confronted with my past and issues and I walked out."

"To handle them alone." Erin almost wishes she can take back her bitter tone at the expression on his face.

"I had to. What I went through over there… I need to do this alone. I need time and space to work through it."

"Okay." Erin's voice is firm, knowing she needs time to reconcile this version of Jay with the one she loves.

She looks at him unsure of how they can ever find their way back to each other again, now that so much has changed.

She's certain the time apart will kill things for them, time or space never being able to dull the spark they both feel, but his distance and her hurt will eat away at their trust and commitment.

"I don't want to be over. I want to come home one day." Jay's eyes are red rimmed as they plead with Erin, needing some sort of incentive.

"We'll see." She shrugs at him in typical Lindsay fashion before walking out quietly.

Jay's eyes follow her, almost more heartbroken then before but vowing that her two word promise is enough to see him through.


"Come on man." Jay's blue eyes land on his brothers harshly.

"No dude. I wont." He shakes his head at his brother's stupidity.

"Well we need to stay somewhere." Will's hands land in his lap with a thump as he turns his gaze out the window and into the dark night.

"I'm the one who left Erin, then I said I needed space. By this point I'd obviously hurt her enough she felt we need it too. I'm not turning up at her door. I won't do that to her." Will takes in his brothers tense posture before nodding finally.

"Fine, then where?"

"A hotel?"

"Dude, I can't afford that."

"Well maybe you should have thought about that before you moved in with Nina when you really wanted Natalie." Jay's accusation is biting causing Will's defenses to kick up.

"Maybe you should have thought about your PTSD before you moved in with Erin."

"Don't. Don't even compare the two." Jay's eyes are lethal, his tone sending chills down Will's spine.

"You're right, sorry bro." Jay notices the guilt on his brother's face and the trouble he has swallowing but just looks away, his hand slamming on the steering wheel angrily.


"Jay?" Jay's eyes fly up from staring at the carpet when the apartment door opens, revealing Erin in shorts and one of his shirts.

His eyes take in her messy hair and he's momentarily speechless by her beauty, he's almost breathless.

Jay shakes his head slightly as he reminds himself he once had this, had her. A hand comes up to run through his hair as he tells himself she's not his anymore.

"Hey. Can I come in for a minute?" Hesitation flashes over her face, causing Jay's heart to constrict when he sees the clear conflict on her face.

"Yeah." She leaves the door open before walking into the living room and shutting the TV off.

Jay takes in her crossed arms as she turns to him and shrugs.

"What's up?" Her voice is rough but soft.

Jay takes Erin in, her eyes wondering around the room. He wonders what she's thinking about as he feels guilt spread through him because of their distance.

She's only meters from him but she's never felt further away.

"Can Will and I crash here?" Her eyes widen, certainly never expecting that.

"Jay, we agreed on space." Erin's arms drop to her sides.

"I know, just a few nights and we'll be out of your hair. I'll take the spare room, Will the couch. We'll stay out of your way."

He watches her eyes close, as she runs through the impossible request in her mind.

Erin opens her mouth to say no, before remembering they are partners first and will always have each other's back.

"What happened?" She finally asks, unsure of how to live with the man she loves more than anyone else. The man who walked out on her, when she just started believing he never would.

"Nina and Will split… Natalie drama." Jay's vague as he shrugs in apology.

"Jesus."

"I know right, us Halstead men… just can't get it right. Both homeless now…" He tries for a smirk, trying to save the humor in their relationship.

"You weren't kicked out, it was your choice." Erin's tone is defensive, as she watches him nod quickly.

"I know, I was just…. Nevermind." Jay shoves his hands deep in his pockets, his eyes dropping to the floor.

"Okay. A couple of days. That's it."

"That's it."


"Erin, what are you doing here?"

"Pizza and wine." Nina's face wears a kind but sad smile as she ushers the pretty brunette into her apartment.

"How'd you hear?"

"Jay. He showed up at our… my… whatever, at mine needing to crash." Erin shrugs as they walk into the kitchen, Nina finding some glasses.

"Uh huh. Sorry he came crawling back to you." Erin's head bounces around, somewhere between a nod and a shake of the head.

"I wish he did the first night." The clink of the glasses hitting the counter pulls Erin from her thought, blinking back tears.

"Doesn't matter. I'm sorry about you and Will."

"It does matter, you doing okay?"

"Honestly? No, I'm scared we're done for good. But I can't reach out for him."

"Pride?" Nina pours the red wine into the glasses.

"Hurt. I was so insecure when I found out about his wife, and he walked out. I get he's got stuff to deal with, that he never told me about… but I never thought he would leave me. After everything…" Erin quickly wipes the tears away as Nina tops the glasses right to the top.

"Boys are dumb."

"I'll toast to that." Erin laughs, tasting the salt of her tears.

They kick back half a glass before making their way to the couch with the pizza.

"What happened with Will?" Nina's eyes are staring at the red wine in her glass, unsure of how to answer.

"I ignored all the signs."

"Of what?"

"That he was in love with another woman."

"Halsteads don't know a good thing when they see it." Erin teases, feeling grateful Nina cracks a smile.

"So can you fix things with Jay?"

"I don't know. He said he needs space, so even if I want to reach out… I can't."

"Not yet, but maybe…"

"I don't know… he's been there for me always and the guilt is eating me that I don't just sit back and take it on the chin. Let him have his space, push my hurt away and be ready if he comes back. But, he made me believe not everyone you love will leave then he threw that in my face." Erin shakes her head before bringing her wine glass back to her lips, enjoying the smooth taste of the wine.

"Oh Erin."

"He's always been there for me, I've worked through my issues with him practically. Wish just seemed to push us to be stronger together, overcoming everything… how can he expect to deal with this and then just pick up where we left off?"

"You won't be the same people." Nina agrees quietly, hearing the truth from someone else's lips causing panic to wash over Erin.

"No."

Nina's hand finds Erin as they turn their attention to the mind numbing TV, blocking out their drama for a little while.

"I know." Erin finally giggles, now on her fifth glass of wine.

"What?" Nina giggles back, leaning into Erin.

"With your skills we could kill them, with mine, their bodies will never be found."

"If only I didn't love him so damn much." Nina sobers up and Erin drops her head to the back of the couch.

"Tell me about it."

"You're welcome here Erin, until they leave."

"Thanks, and I'll take you up on your offer tonight 'cuz I've been drinking. But I won't allow Jay to drive me from my home."

"Good for you."

A/N: Thoughts? Review.

I couldn't help but think of this during Chicago Med... surely Nina and Will won't last. I'm hoping Jay will be back with Erin by that point... and I sure hope he never has to find his own place again. Argh. Stupid writers can get fucked.

They are the worst! There was no point in Jay having a wife. None. She was barely in it, it isn't giving us Jay's past yet. IN FACT WHEN THEY COULD HAVE HAD A SMALL ASS SCENE ABOUT PTSD THEY CUT IT! I just... can't. They even fuck up the break up scenes (or break, whatever you want to call it).

I just feel there were so many better ways to tackle Jay's past... someone from his ranger past could have come back for revenge. That way we would have got some Linstead drama and tension and also Jay's past. Something fitting to his character, a story Jesse deserves to tell.

Okay, I'm done ranting now. Sorry! lol