You have always loved so deeply, so absolutely, so singularly, I had wondered often how that depth was possible from such a little form. A consequence of your robotic body? Your mind a series of firing transistors, no gray no in between, perpetually all on or Off. Often, I admit, I feared it be a more human reason. A small part of me screamed it was because I was the only one, a single candle in your heart. No friends, no loves, no family. I was all you had. Now I can't even humor that thought.

A Nevermore's beak is pounding it's way into my skull and into the arena. I can hear scream's, shouts, Ironwoods pleas turning fuzzy and ill formed from by this noise, I can hear Pyrrha whimper, afraid, and I want so hard to hate her for it. I can't even manage that. A part of me in my mother's voice whispers, she didn't know Ruby, it won't let me hate, It could have been Emerald's illusions Ruby, Pyrrha's scared, look at her! Without hate, I can only hurt. If I can't justify making her bleed, my own heart has to.

When I first saw you, saw the ribbon wires, puppet strings wrapped and twisted around your body, my hands reached out, so foolish. They screamed for you, maybe I could put you back together, fix you like the weapon you never really were. Like some grease, dust, and soldering could put my special Person back together. Now that I have the moment to think about it, we never really had the time to find who we really were to one another. I can't ask you now, your face, porcelain shell that once held your soul, stares unable to hear, to speak, it judges me.

My legs know the truth and drop me to the floor, unwilling to be party to my denial. I speak your name, desperate to breath just a spark into you, but first hand experience tells me it won't work. It didn't for mom and I am just as desperate.

This moment is chokingly lonely, despite the panicking crowd. No one will share my experience. Millions watched a machine pulled apart by steel wires cutting away at the limbs, but I alone watched a murder. The world looked on now, seeing broken parts, scattered circuits spark and wither, I alone see the corpse of a friend, a person. No one else will remember you living. The thought tastes like failure in my mouth.

I can hear Mercury's steps, the metal bits of his boots have a specific tenor as he walks, heavy, almost like yours. That's the worst part Penny, the thing that most rends me apart. I want to hate him, I want to want to pull him apart. Call Crescent Rose down and be the reaper, the force of avengeance you deserve. Yet I just can't. I don't want him to die, or Emerald, or Pyrrha. I don't want to kill anyone. I still want to help everyone. I want a fairy tale, I want to be a knight in shiny armor, save you from the dragon.

But I can't save you.

You're dead.

I can't do anything.

I can't hate, I should hate, hate them. I just hate myself instead. Stupid stupid girl. I'm so sorry Penny. I'm so sorry.

*** This episode made me sad, so I dumped all the sad out. Enjoy?