"Ana what the hell is wrong with you?"
I close my eyes and brace myself for what I know is to come, thermo nuclear fifty.
"I'm pregnant" my voice is hardly above a whisper. I can't bring myself to look up at Christian, not even through my lashes.
"WHAT?" his scream makes me jump.
"How the fuck did this happen?"
I finally look up at him with a puzzled expression on my face, one that says how can this even be a question. He's pale but more than that oh shit I have never seen his eyes like this they are stone and blazing I cringe under his glare.
"Christian I..." my sentence is cut off when he raises a hand to hush me.
"NO this cannot be happening, what the fuck Ana?!" he yells.
"Christian I..." but once again, he cuts me off.
"Me me me that's all you were thinking about when you pulled this stunt. How could you be so stupid? What about us, huh? What about me?" his voice has taken on an eerily calm but harsh tone.
"Christian let me speak please" my voice still just above a whisper. He stands there staring at me with blazing eyes.
"Christian the shot"
"Oh yes Ana the fuck shot please enlighten me did you just forget it or did you do this on purpose?"
My tears begin to fall. It's not my fault that the shot wore off early.
"Oh don't start with the water works, it won't work" Christian is yelling at me again.
"Christian please you won't even give me the chance to speak a full sentence"
How can I get him to calm down and listen to me? He is so angry I have never seen this side of him before. Christian throws his hands up in the air.
"Fuck this" he screams he walks toward the door grabbing his jacket on the way with his hand on the door knob he turns and looks at me and in a tone colder than ice he says " Thanks Ana for fucking everything up" with that he opens the door and walks out slamming it behind him.
I sink down it to the couch and sob, how could he really believe I did this on purpose and he is always calling me smart now he's saying I'm stupid and I fucked everything up. I'm lost and confused and I don't know what to do.
"Oh blip why did you decide to come now?
CPOV:
I just stormed out on my wife, leaving her standing in the middle of the great room crying. Pregnant. Fuck. I don't get it; Ana knew I didn't want to be a father. Why the fuck did she do this to me and why now? It's too soon and hell I probably won't be a good dad anyway. Fuck. I take a look around my surroundings and realize I have walked all the way to Dr. Flynn's. I didn't even realize where I was going or how long I had been walking. There is a note on the door saying closed. Well this is a fucking emergency. I take my Blackberry out of my pocket and call Flynn. After 4 rings he answers.
"Dr. Flynn here" I hear a lot of background noise, it almost sounds like children. Ironic.
"It's Christian, are you available?"
"Oh Christian hello. No I'm sorry I'm at my daughter's school play she's playing a fairy". Ironic.
"Ok I'll make an appointment for tomorrow then"
"Ok sounds good Christian"
I hang up without another word, put the phone in my pocket and begin walking again. I really want to go home but I can't. The image of Ana's face when I said she fucked everything up still haunts me. Fuck, why did I say that? I didn't really mean it it's just that I really don't think I will make a good father and I had so many plans to show Ana the world and now I can't. Can I? I guess we could hire a nanny to come along on trips but fuck, I just don't know.
"Christian!"
I hear my name being called and look up, oh shit it's Elena. Fuck. What the fuck is she doing here? I glance up at my surroundings and holy hell I'm at her salon. How the fuck did I end up here?
"Christian darling I have called your name three times now, what's wrong?"
"Just lost in thought"
"Well let's go have a drink and clear that mind of yours"
"Ok"
Why the hell not? A drink sounds good. A twinge of pain ripples through me as I know how Ana feels about Elena. Should I have a drink with her? Oh fuck it, what does it matter now anyway? Why did I have to say such awful things and walk out? Fuck I do need a drink.
APOV.
I wake up startled and for a moment I'm disoriented. Oh that's right, I fell asleep in the great room.
"Shit"
Shit it's Christian bumping into things and swearing. I jump up and see Christian stumbling around. Shit is he drunk? Where the hell has he been and why in the hell is he drunk?
"Christian what's going on"?
"Haaay beeutifullll" he draws out the words and slurs. I rush over to him and put my arm around his waist to help support him and try to help him walk. He leans over and I hear him sniffing at my head, kind of like a dog, while almost knocking both of us over.
"Come on Christian let's get you to bed"
"With you"
"Yes with me, now bed"
"Bossy thing aren't ya" he says and begins laughing.
"What's so funny Christian?"
"Youuuuu" he draws out
"And you're drunk"
"Yep wine and burrbannnn" he slurs
I somehow manage to make it to the bedroom only bouncing off the hallway wall a couple of times. Right now I'm thankful that our room isn't upstairs.
"Christian let's get you undressed and into bed"
"Now that sounds like a plan Mrs. Grey, you wanna play? He begins laughing as he falls onto the bed.
"One thing at a time Christian, let's get you undressed first" I slowly begin to take his jacket off. He is swaying side to side making it difficult for me. I finally get it off and let it drop to the floor. Next I take his tie off and manage to get two of his shirt buttons undone before he falls onto the bed.
"Mrs. Grey such a suducktrass" his words are so slurred and he begins laughing but stops suddenly.
"Everything will change; we don't need an intruder Ana"
I'm knelt down taking his shoes and socks off and when I stand I see he is passed out. Was that his way of telling me to get rid of blip? Oh Christian I need you to understand this will be a good thing. I need you. Maybe tomorrow, or later today, he will be willing to talk it out and we will be ok. I stoop to pick his clothes up off the floor and when I do his blackberry falls out of his pocket, I pick it up and while doing so I accidently unlock the screen. Just then it vibrates in my hand I see it's a new text message.
Holly shit it's from HER.
Elena Lincoln: Christian it was wonderful to see you tonight. I'm so glad we spoke. Don't worry I understand now. And darling don't worry, you will be a wonderful father.
Elena understands? What does she understand? And she knows he is going to be a father? He went to her and he told her about me being pregnant. Why would he do that? He knows how I feel about her; he knows that she is a hard limit. I gasp as I realize that he broke my hard limits. I feel lightheaded and sink to the floor. This is the ultimate betrayal. Tears begin to flow down my face. I slowly stand up and look at my sleeping husband. He betrayed me in the worst way; he walked out on me to go to talk to her. Why couldn't he talk to me, his own wife? I feel like I'm suffocating and I can't stay in this room much longer. I quickly forward the text to myself before grabbing some clothes and my phone and walk out of the bedroom.
I make my way to the balcony and breathe in the fresh cool air. I have to clear my head to think straight, I need to figure out what to do. A few minutes ago I was thinking that we could work this out and everything would be ok but that has changed because after all, he broke a hard limit for me. Suddenly I'm exhausted and can hardly keep my eyes open. I make my way to the red room of pain, curl up on the couch and drift off.
I wake up and again I am slightly disoriented until the memories of last night come crashing down on me. I look at my phone and see its 8am. No missed calls or texts so Christian is either still asleep or he just still was so angry he left without saying a word. I get up, gather my stuff and make my way to our bedroom. Christian is still asleep and the only difference is that he is fully in bed and has his arm wrapped around my pillow. I don't want to risk waking him so I grab a couple things and go to one of the guest bathrooms to get ready for work.
I'm showered and changed and waiting for Sawyer to meet me at the foyer but I keep looking down the hall to see if Christian comes out before I leave but he doesn't. The hallway remains empty and the house remains quite, almost eerie.
I arrive at work and have Hannah go get me a vanilla mocha from Starbucks. I don't really care for coffee but today I need it and I need it to be strong. I dive into my work to try to forget about how my life is going downhill really fast. At 10:15 my phone vibrates. It's a text from Christian.
Christian: I'm assuming that you went to work?
Ana: Yes, why wouldn't I?
Christian: I have to work late tonight.
Really Christian? Any other time I would believe him without question but today I can't. How do I know he isn't saying that as a cover up? Maybe he's going to see HER again. Maybe he wants to avoid me. He did basically tell me to have an abortion last night.
Ana: Is that true MY husband or is it to avoid talking to me about who you were out getting drunk with last night? FWD: Elena Lincoln: Christian it was wonderful to see you tonight. I'm so glad we spoke. Don't worry I understand now.
I hold my breath. I know he won't like that I saw the message but really that should be the least of his worries.
Christian: Nothing to talk about. I have to work late. Don't save dinner and don't wait up.
I begin shaking and sobbing. Nothing to talk about? How can he say that? We have lots to talk about: the pregnancy, how he went and saw HER, how he broke my trust and how he violated a hard limit. 'Nothing to talk about', does that mean he doesn't want to work this out and move past it? I can't breathe again. I need air. I grab my phone and my purse and walk out of my office. I see Sawyer sitting in his normal spot in the waiting area so instead of walking out the front I walk toward the back. To anyone else it would look like I am just going to use the restroom. I go out the back door and breathe in the cool crisp air. I keep playing his harsh words in my head over and over. 'We don't need an intruder Ana; you fucked everything up Ana; nothing to talk about'. I won't abort my baby that I know for sure. So what next? I look across the parking lot and I see a billboard advertising my bank, the one that I used before I met Christian and still have an account under my maiden name. I begin to form a plan. I pull out my blackberry and send Christian one more text.
Ana: Ok. Goodbye.
After I finish what I needed to do at the bank and I pull out my phone I see I have 2 new texts, both from Christian.
Christian: Goodbye?
Christian: Ana?
Tears begin to stream down my face and I hit reply.
Ana: I love you Christian. Always and forever I will love you. Goodbye.
My body was shaking so hard when I hit send and I could hardly see my as my vision was so blurred from tears. My phone begins to ring and it's Christian. I send it straight to voicemail. Within seconds there is a text.
Christian: Dammit Ana answer me. What do you mean goodbye?
I don't bother to reply. I walk a few blocks from the bank and throw my phone into the trashcan and continue walking. I have been betrayed and had my hard limits violated and now I'm scared of my own husband. I will not kill my child, he or she has done nothing wrong and I will not punish them. I will keep walking and I will disappear into the night…
