It had been a long morning tying up loose ends with the auction house that was selling most of the furnishings and such from the house- Good Lord, how had she and Richard managed to accumulate so much pointless stuff? She knew at one point all those oil paintings and glass vases had seemed important, but for the life of her she couldn't remember why. Regardless, she was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to heat up some soup and fall asleep in her home of 46 years for what may just be the very last time before she headed back to Nantucket tomorrow morning.
So when Emily pulled into her driveway to see Rory's car she was certainly happy to see her lovely granddaughter, but may have groaned ever so slightly to herself that she wasn't alone. She had been so happy to hear that Rory was going to be writing a book, and that she would like to do so in Richard's study, on his desk (despite not having any inkling as to what she was writing about- it must be some sort of brilliant take on today's political climate or perhaps a takedown on arts and culture of the digital age- something snappy and fresh that would become the new must-read like that Malcolm Gladwell or Dave Sedaris). Maybe seeing her granddaughter was actually what she needed right now- soups and naps be damned.
"Rory? Rory, are you here?" She opened the door herself, it certainly was a nice change of pace not to have simpering, simple-minded maids rushing at her for her coat, tripping and falling all over themselves- this house was a bit big to be alone in, but thank god her days of incompetent help around the house were over!)
But Rory did not call back to her, and Emily saw a light coming out of the partially open door to the powder room.
"Rory, what on earth are you- are you ill?" She pushed the door open the rest of the way to see Rory sitting on the floor of the bathroom, in front of the vanity, hunched over herself crying. Her granddaughter was clearly surprised to see her, she jumped as she looked up at her grandmother, eyes bloodshot from the tears, dark circles under her eyes, clutching something- something long and white and…
"Oh Rory!" Emily immediately dropped to the floor and pulled Rory to her in a sideways hug- she didn't think she had been on the floor of a bathroom since her first trimester with Lorelai- Lorelai had clearly ALWAYS been a difficult child, even from her first few weeks in utero. The thought almost made her smile now, but for the fact that her beautiful, brilliant and (last she heard) single granddaughter was on the floor, sobbing her eyes out over a pregnancy test- a very obviously positive pregnancy test. And as she looked around, there were at least 7 more tests scattered on various surfaces, all with similar messages- "pregnant" or with two lines or even one with the image of an almost-leering baby face- so tasteless.
"What am I going to do Grandma?" She was sobbing, pulling her grandmother closer, needing comfort and Emily couldn't do anything but rub her back and hold her tighter. As she stroked her beautiful chestnut hair whispering,
"Shhh. Rory, it's fine, everything is absolutely going to fine- you don't worry about that right now."
"But you don't understand! It's all such a mess! It was supposed to be goodbye! And now I have to make these decisions and I don't know what he's going to say or do… I don't even know if I should tell him! I don't know how to tell anyone- how am I going to tell Mom? She's going to kill me! I mean, I know better! Ever since I was 11 Mom was talking about safe sex and condoms and birth control! That night I stayed out with Dean in high school? She wanted to drag me to the doctor and put me on the pill and we weren't having sex- not even close! I mean, so much of my life was about never making the stupid decisions that she made, never being in THIS situation! And now I have no money, no place to live, no job… and THIS is the moment the Universe decides to send me a baby?"
"Now, you stop that right now, Rory!" She hadn't meant to sound harsh but the girl was really starting to work herself into a fit and absolutely no one- not even Rory, could say things like that about Rory. "Now, first things first- we need to find you a doctor so you can go in and have everything checked out and confirmed- I understand there are all kinds of reasons that these things can be false positives and we just want to know what we're talking about, for sure, before we go much further down this path." She pushed back some of Rory's bangs, wondering how long it had been since the girl had a decent haircut- she should speak to Lorelai about that- a woman's grooming was very important, it shouldn't be neglected this badly… But she was brought back to attention as Rory tried to wipe the tears from her eyes.
"Come on, let's get you some tissues and maybe some water, or perhaps you would prefer some tea? I'm sure I have chamomile around here, something nice and soothing and warm." They stood and Emily put her arm around the girl's shoulders, guiding her off the floor and out to the kitchen. As she began to heat the kettle and rustled through her cupboards for something without caffeine to brew, her mind was racing.
Rory was pregnant? How did this happen? That girl knew better- as appalled as Emily had been when she found out that Rory had been having sex in the pool house, and then again when she and Logan were living together, she hadn't been thrilled, but assumed it meant an engagement was forthcoming, and she had to admit that times were changing. But this? This was unreal- she didn't think Rory was even still dating anyone. Who was the father?
"Grandma, I can pretty much hear you thinking over there."
"What? No! I'm sure this was a shock to you and you probably need time to process what's going on."
"Yeah, pretty big shock. That's for sure. Fo' sho…Took the words right out of my mouth, Grandma." Rory was just nodding her head, eyes kind of vacant, babbling and stirring the tea as Emily poured water in the cup. They sat in pronounced silence for a few moments, the sound of the clock ticking and the occasional stirring of their tea- Rory staring nowhere while Emily tried hard to not stare at Rory. After about 10 minutes, that honestly felt closer to an hour, Emily finally set down her teacup.
"Rory, I know that you're going through something fairly emotional right now, but I want you to know that you can talk to me. I understand that in the past I may seem like some stuffy old Grandmother, possibly a little judgemental, but you can tell me anything, I promise. I understand that in the past I haven't always been as accepting and tolerant as your mother, but I love you, and I love everything that you do- and if you are about to have a child? Well, that's just another little Gilmore for me to love and coddle…"
Emily was not prepared for Rory bursting into tears right then and there, hunched over the marble countertop, sobbing into her hands.
"Grandma, I'm so sorry- I'm sooo sorry. I can't tell you… I just… I don't know what to say!"
"Listen to me Rory, I know that you feel like you're in an impossible situation. I'm going to assume by your reaction that you have questions or concerns about the father…" Rory simply nodded and sniffled a bit at that. "But you have to know that regardless of his place in your life, in your child's life, if you have this baby, this child is going to grow up happy and healthy and well-cared for- this child is a Gilmore and will grow up like one. So that's a given, don't worry about money or a place to live or any of that, that's easily enough sorted, what we need to do is sit down and talk- what do YOU want to do?"
Rory just pulled her grandmother to her and bawled- because that was really the question, wasn't it? What did Rory want? Well, unfortunately it seemed like nothing that Rory wanted was possible- she wasn't the brilliant International Correspondent that she had planned to be- that she had worked so hard to become. She didn't have a social or a love life to speak of, she didn't have a home or a paying job or even money to pay for doctor's visits, baby gear, maternity clothes… And she knew that she wouldn't be thrown out into the cold, her child wouldn't be begging for scraps on the streets, but… God, what was she going to do?
"I'm sorry Grandma, I just feel like I'm just such a mess right now- I was already feeling like a giant mess and a failure and now this? I mean, Grandma, I'm 33! I'm pregnant and the father is… well, that's about as complicated as it gets. How did I let this happen? I'm smart, I've always been beyond careful, and then… I've ruined everything! This is even worse than the time that I stole a yacht and left Yale- this is so permanent, so final!"
"Well, Rory, we take it one thing at a time, that's all we can do. Now, do you have any idea… when… do you know approximately how far along you are?"
"Six weeks." She knew exactly how far along she was, there had only been one possibility.
"Well then, six weeks, that's still very early days, we have time to think about things, to look at options… I'll tell you what, I have a friend of mine, her daughter happens to be an Obstetrician, she just moved to town and opened a practice, why don't I give her a call and we'll see if I can't get you into see her today? And while I'm doing that, why don't you take sometime and go upstairs to your old room and rest? You look absolutely exhausted. Once you've napped and we go to the doctor, then maybe we can grab something to eat and we'll talk or not talk at all… whatever you need." Rory wanted to argue, but she had to admit that she just felt tired to her bones and that her grandmother was probably right. She was still pretty early, she had some time, but it was all a lot to process, she needed to rest and to think.
The nap helped, and true to her word, Emily got her into a doctor who could confirm the pregnancy without her having to get anyone (like Paris) involved yet. And, now she had a bunch of shiny pamphlets showing her precisely what her options were. They went to dinner, but Rory really couldn't make herself talk much- and she was pushing her food around on her plate. Her grandmother ordered a glass of wine and Rory had been so tempted to follow suit- but even without being pregnant, it hardly seemed like alcohol was going to help her make good decisions. Mostly she just sat and quietly listened to her grandmother talking about the houses in Nantucket she had looked at, funny stories about the DAR (WHAT had she said to the Membership Committee?) But she was very clearly NOT present.
Emily, in the meantime, was worried. She hadn't gone into the room with Rory during the exam, thinking the girl needed some space and some privacy- but Emily had squeezed her hand right before she walked away, hoping she conveyed support and love. When Rory came out of the exam room and nodded at her, she looked like she was actually facing a firing squad- it had all been confirmed, and the girl was terrified and confused.
After dinner they went back to Emily's house. She knew Rory often spent nights there while she was writing and she thought it was probably best if the girl didn't drive right now. After a thank you for the dinner and her help, Rory went to the stairs, meaning to go up to bed, most likely to cry for a few more hours as she tried to get some sleep. As she took the first two steps Emily stopped her.
"Rory, are you sure you can't tell me about the father? Maybe it isn't so bad- it's possible you're worrying quite a bit about nothing at all, maybe when you tell him you'll be shocked at how excited he is!"
"Grandma, I don't know if I'm going to tell him." And that was obviously part of her anxiety- her voice shook as she said it and all Emily could hear was despair.
"Rory, I know that right now it seems completely hopeless, I'm sure that when your mother went through this she felt a lot of the things that you are right now, but everything worked out then and everything will now."
"It's not the same Grandma! I'm sorry, I know you're trying to help, and I wish I could tell you, but let me just tell you that this news… I don't even know how I feel about it- but I'm pretty sure that this will ruin his life- it was a mistake and I'm pretty sure he never wants to hear from me again… It's hard enough to think about having this baby, but what if he's like my dad? In and out of my life, never being someone either of us can depend on?
"I love Dad, and I ALWAYS knew that he loved me and I'm so glad he WAS there for the times that he was… but it sucked too. It sucked for me and I think it was a million times worse for Mom. Mom just always waited for him to get his shit together, and every time it seemed like it was, somehow he managed to break her heart all over again and I don't want that! I don't want to be the mom that has to try and cover for an absentee father every time he isn't there! I don't want to have to scream and yell and threaten to go to his parents if he doesn't send child support on time so I can pay my kid's daycare! And I know that right now I'm sounding pretty dramatic and thinking worst case scenario and really internalizing everything about my past and that isn't necessarily fair… but right now I'm just not feeling prosaic or rational. I just really want to go to bed. I love you, and I appreciate how great you've been today…. I just, I don't think I'm ready to actually deal with any of this right this second." And with her head hanging and tears in her eyes, Rory turned and left.
Emily watched as Rory walked up the stairs, but once she heard the bedroom door shut, she let out a sigh and got to work.
