Summary: The girls try to figure out who Akko's true love is.
Author's Notes:
A little break from all the angst I write. Honestly, this is just for fun.
Note the genre, pairings, and that the title is pretty much a misnomer.
Basically, Akko's misfortune knows no bounds, for once it's not (directly) Sucy's fault, Lotte is an internet hermit, Amanda really likes Appleton's uniform, Hannah might be a little gay for Amanda in that suit, Amanda thinks Diana also looks good in the suit, and Andrew gets dragged into this mess.
The Mouse's Dilemma
As a child, Akko did not dream of fairy tales. At least, not like the other children for long.
Once she saw her first and only Shiny Chariot performance at the age of six, all she could dream of were magnificent spells and spectacular magic. She did not yearn for a knight in shining armor or a kiss of true love. Instead, she imagined a woman with fiery red hair wielding a golden rod atop her trusty companion as they defeated the negativity of disbelief.
Akko wanted her own adventure, yes. But it was not as a princess nor as a knight. It was as a witch who could bring smiles to everyone using magic just like her idol, Shiny Chariot.
Coming to Luna Nova Magic Academy was how Akko started on her journey. She certainly did begin an exciting monogatari. Every day of her first year at Luna Nova was a series of (mis)fortunes. Each of her adventures could rival any of the stories and fairy tales children love to hear.
And that is still true to this day, into Akko's second year at Luna Nova.
Sucy rubs her temples for the tenth time in ten minutes. There are only two things that can rouse such a level of irritation from her: potions and Akko. Even worse when it is both.
As (Akko's) luck will have, it is the case of both.
"So Akko lost a bet and drank one of my potions, resulting in," Sucy points to the small, brown mouse sitting on Amanda's shoulder, "that."
Amanda and the mouse nod.
Sucy sighs. "I guess cleaning the trolls' bathroom wasn't enough for you to learn not to take any bets from Amanda."
"How was I supposed to know Amanda could snort a umeboshi up her nose?!" Akko squeaks. Thankfully, she can still speak English. "And that was my last one too!"
Amanda takes another of Lotte's offered tissue. "Remind me never to do that again. God, this stuff burns."
"I'm more surprised that it fit up your nose," Lotte remarks.
Amanda shrugs. "What can I say? I'm amazing."
"So what's the problem?" Lotte asks. "Can't you just use Metamorphie Fociesse to turn yourself back into a human?"
"We tried and it didn't work. Not that Akko can't hold a wand in that state, but the spell just wouldn't work."
"Of course it won't. Not after drinking that potion." Sucy walks over to her desk and fingers through her books at a leisurely pace. "You drank the one that was brown, right?"
Akko grimaces. "Yeah. Amanda just had to pick the most disgusting looking one. It tasted like bark."
"Yeah. One of the ingredients for that potion was some kind of tree that I can't remember the name of." Sucy finds the notebook she's looking for as she continues to explain. "Basically, the potion changes the consumer into an animal - I guess a mouse - and renders them unable to use magic. Something about disrupting the magic flow within the witch. I just thought it'd be fun to make."
"Why is everything like this always your fault?" Amanda wonders.
"It might seem that way (from the dozens of fanfiction people write) but it's technically yours for daring her and picking this in the first place. Getting all the blame just because I'm dubious is getting old."
"But why not have someone else turn her back?" Lotte asks.
"That involves fully understanding the person's original body. The caster herself should know it best. Everyone else can botch it up." Sucy glances at Amanda. "Even someone who doesn't try in school knows this."
"Yeah. That's why I haven't tried. I don't want to cripple Akko for life. I won a bet but I'm not a horrible person," Amanda says.
"Changing Akko back also doesn't solve her magic problem," Sucy adds.
"Then what does?" Amanda asks.
Sucy flips open her notebook to the right page. "Huh. I have written down, 'a true love's kiss.' Did I inhale too much of Lukić's potion when I wrote this?"
"WHAT?!" Akko shrieks. She jumps from Amanda's shoulder and onto the notebook to read for herself. "It really does say 'a true love's kiss!' How the heck should I know who my true love is?!"
Lotte looks over to see for herself. She reads, "'Reversal: a true love's kiss.' Are you sure this is it, Sucy?"
"I take my potion brewing seriously, so I'm sure it's right." Sucy shrugs. "Guess Akko's stuck as a mouse who can't use magic forever."
"There has to be someone who can help Akko! There are so many options!"
Amanda, Sucy, and Akko raise their eyebrows. "Like what?"
"Like, um…" Lotte's eyes shift from side to side. "Diana… or any of us in this room…"
"HUH?"
"Where did you get that idea?" Amanda wonders.
"That's what everyone else on the internet seems to think. And I'm pretty sure most of the people writing them are from Luna Nova-"
"Wait, slow down. Everyone else on the internet?"
Lotte pulls out her crystal ball and connects to the world wide web. She enters a specific website and a few parameters, then turns the ball to show the others.
"Holy crap that is a lot of results for…" Amanda throws her head back and chortles. "Man, I knew she was popular but… damn."
"What the heck?! Why are there over three hundred results for me and Diana?!" Akko shrieks.
Amanda whistles while attempting to stop laughing. "Out of less than six hundred too. That's impressive."
"And this is just one site." Lotte sighs. "People really think you're the OTP."
"OTP?"
"One true pairing."
"WHAT THE HECK?! Yeah Diana is pretty and perfect, but she's just a friend! My rival! I don't have time to think about any of that if I want to get better than her! Heck, I don't even swing that way!" Akko pauses. "Wait, do I swing that way?"
"The rest of us can't even compare." Sucy squints her eyes. "Less than fifty results for me, a few less for Amanda, and Lotte isn't even on the first few results. Wow, these people are really biased. And strangely focused on romance. Gross."
"There's actual five for us on that site. I checked. Well, it's more like two actually," Lotte says. "We don't even have a ship name. Not like Diakko/Dianakko, Sukko, or Amakko/Amandakko."
"Lotte, I think you've dived into fandom culture a little too much."
"How did you even find this?" Amanda asks.
"None of you ever search yourselves on the web?" Lotte asks.
The others shake their head.
Lotte blushes. "Oh…"
Amanda steers the topic back on track. "Uh, other than how you spend your free time, what does this have to do with anything?"
"Well, 'true love' doesn't have to mean who Akko loves or even has a crush on right now. It could be something like soulmates, or someone that Akko doesn't know she'll end up with in the future. So I thought, 'Why not consider the opinions of others?'"
"Lotte, I've said this before but I'm going to say it again. You are too nice," Sucy says.
"She does have a point though. And it's worth a shot since Akko's…" Amanda glances at the mouse, "like this."
Akko stands up on her hind legs and puts her paws on her hips. "So what do I have to do?"
"'True love's kiss,' right? Probably exactly how it sounds."
"So… I just kiss everyone in this room?"
"I guess that's how it's going," Sucy says. "I'm not going first though."
Amanda grimaces. "Akko, you're a great friend and all but I've never kissed a mouse before."
Lotte sighs. "Alright, I volunteer. Why do I always have to be the nice one?"
"It's in your nature," Sucy answers.
Lotte opens her palms for Akko to jump onto. Gathering all of her wits before they escape her, she gives Akko a quick peck where she thinks the mouse's mouth is.
Nothing happens.
Lotte holds out her hands. "OKAY SOMEONE ELSE'S TURN."
Amanda and Sucy turn to each other. They hold up one hand and shake their fists up and down.
"Rock, paper, scissors!"
Amanda blanches at her scissors losing to Sucy's rock.
"Of course you'd pick scissors," Sucy says.
"Somehow I should've known you'd pick fis- I mean rock!"
Lotte holds Akko up for Amanda to take. "Well, your turn."
Amanda takes the mouse in her hands and gulps. She doesn't move, only continues to glare at Akko.
Akko crosses her arms over her mouse chest. "Come on, I just took a bath yesterday. Just because I'm a mouse doesn't mean I'm dirty!"
"Uh, no, it's not that. Lotte's obviously fine after kissing you so… it's just…" Amanda purses her lips as her cheeks flush pink. "Gah, I can't believe I'm giving my first kiss to a mouse. And Akko of all people!"
"Wait, I don't like how you worded that!"
"If it makes you feel better, that was my first kiss too," Lotte says.
"It'll be mine too," Sucy adds. "And when I managed to avoid it the first time…"
Amanda groans. "That's even worse! We're all giving our first kisses to mouse!Akko?! I'd make fun of you for being a player if this situation wasn't so embarrassing!"
"Amanda, just kiss Akko so we can get this over with!" Lotte says.
"GAAAAHHH FINE!"
Amanda dips her head down and connects her lips with Akko's.
Again, nothing happens.
"Bleh! Oh god, I think I got some fur in my mouth. I need to rinse my mouth."
"I think I have some mouthwash," Lotte says. "I was going to wait until we all tried before bringing it out."
"Why does it seem like you already know this is going to fail?"
"Well, the chances of success might be higher the more popular the pairing. So we're just going up on the popularity scale."
Amanda turns to Sucy and drops Akko into Sucy's hands. "Then let's see the chances with the second most popular pairing."
"Not like yours was that far behind," Sucy remarks.
"Yeah, I don't really care about that. I just want to see someone else kiss a mouse." Amanda wipes her mouth. "Never again. You're lucky I like you, Akko."
"As a friend."
"Yeah, as a friend."
Sucy gets it over with within a second. Like the other two, nothing happens. So she joins Lotte and Amanda in the bathroom to rinse out their mouths with some mouthwash.
Amanda spits out the liquid and wipes her mouth dry. "So what's next?"
"Well, there's only one more feasible choice to turn to," Lotte says.
Amanda's face splits into a shit-eating grin. "Ohhh man. This I really have to see."
It is currently the weekend, so there aren't any classes for the students of Luna Nova to attend. Most of the young girls would be out doing what children their age should be doing: going out with friends, doing some leisure reading, playing games, sleeping the day away, or some other form of relaxation.
Diana Cavendish is perhaps the only exception. Really, it's like a grown adult is occupying the body of a teenage girl instead. How perfect can one girl be?
"What do you idiots want?" Hannah demands after opening the door.
"Hi to you too," Amanda grumbles. "You two aren't going to cut it. Is Diana here?"
"Yeah, but she's busy," Barbara replies. "She has a lot to do. So if it's not important, don't bother her."
"At least she wasn't at the library," Amanda mutters.
Lotte takes the initiative. "Akko's in trouble and we need her help."
Hannah and Barbara narrow their eyes. "Akko?"
"Is that why she's not here?" Barbara asks.
"Well, she is and she isn't," Lotte says. "It's complicated."
"How so?"
"We'll explain." Amanda turns her head to check for anyone nearby. "Just… not here."
Hannah glares. "If you guys are going to blow something else up-"
Having enough, Sucy changes her grip on Akko by grabbing her by the tail and flipping her around to shove into the two girls' faces.
"What is thaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT?!"
Amanda covers her ears and takes this chance to shove their way in. Lotte and Sucy follows with the latter quickly shutting the door before anyone else can see or hear. All they care about is one person coming to check.
Diana comes around her bookshelf with her wand in her hand. "Girls, what is going-?!"
"Is that a mouse?!" Hannah shrieks.
"Oh my god, get it away get it away!" Barbara cries.
Diana narrows her eyes at the other calm witches. Her shoulders slump as the brief surge of adrenaline passes, leaving her simply tired.
"What is going on?"
Sucy holds up mouse!Akko by the tail again. "Akko turned into a mouse."
"Sucy! Stop moving me like that! I'm getting dizzy!" Akko whines.
Diana narrows her eyes. "That's… Akko?"
"She drank one of my potions and can't use magic to turn herself back," Sucy explains. "Only true love's kiss will break the spell."
"You must be joking."
"I don't joke about my potions."
Diana looks to the only other sane person in this room for clarification. Lotte only shakes her head.
"If there's one thing I can say Sucy takes seriously, it's her potions," Lotte says.
Diana crosses her arms over her chest. "And may I ask how this situation came about?"
"Amanda made Akko drink one of my potions after she lost a bet," Sucy says.
"You make it sound like this is my fault!" Amanda shouts.
"Because it is."
Just when Diana thought she had gotten used to their antics. At this rate her own sanity is going to go out the window. She makes a note to ask Lotte how she remains sane amongst this recurring chaos.
Hannah points to the mouse in Sucy's grip. "So that's… Akko."
"You know, it does look kind of like her." Barbara studies the mouse. "It's even got her bangs and that weird ponytail."
"My ponytail isn't weird!" Akko shouts.
"Yeah, definitely Akko."
"If she requires a 'true love's kiss,' then why did you come to me?" Diana asks.
"Basically, Lotte believes the fandom believes that you two are each other's soulmates or something," Sucy says.
" …I don't follow."
Amanda grabs Akko and shoves her into Diana's face. "You're the 'true love' in this whole 'true love's kiss' mess! So kiss the mouse!"
Diana takes a step back. "What sort of nonsense is this?! And you said Lotte proposed this preposterous idea?!"
"Technically, the fandom agrees on it. We all think it's just as insane as you do," Lotte says.
"Nah, I just think it's hilarious," Amanda chortles.
Diana stands corrected. Everyone in this room is insane.
Diana sighs in defeat. "And if this does not work?"
"You're really considering it?!" Amanda, Akko, Hannah, and Barbara yell. Though Amanda is barely holding back her laughter while Hannah and Barbara are horrified. Akko is just lying limp in Amanda's grip.
Sucy shrugs. "We'll never know until we try."
"Someone has to be Akko's true love," Lotte says.
"Or not."
"Sucy, be nice. We have to be optimistic. For Akko."
Sucy sighs. "Fine. For Akko."
"So you're really going to kiss Akko?" Barbara asks.
Diana resigns herself to her fate. "Yes. I suppose I will be kissing Akko… as a mouse."
Amanda drops Akko onto Diana's palms. "Don't worry. Lotte has mouthwash for you right after."
"I keep telling you guys that I'm clean!"
"Yeah, but you're also covered in fur. That's not something you have as a human unless you have a really bushy mustache that sheds a lot."
"That's gross."
"So is kissing a mouse on a normal basis, but here we are," Hannah says.
Diana holds up Akko until they're face level. "I simply have to… kiss her? Does it have to be on the lips? A mouse's mouth is quite small."
"Ye-" Amanda pauses and turns to Sucy. "Oh yeah, does it have to be on the lips?"
"It just said 'true love's kiss' so technically it can be any kind of kiss," Sucy says.
Amanda throws her hands up and cries, "So I didn't have to kiss a mouse on the lips?! Why didn't you say so earlier?!"
"You're not the only one who didn't think of this."
"Though if you're going by fairy tale standards, it's definitely supposed to be a lip to lip contact thing," Barbara says.
Diana sighs. "If the top of the head does not work, then I will try the traditional method."
"Wait! Hold on!" Amanda reaches into her pockets. "Gah, where's my camera when I need it?! Hey, anyone know a snapshot spell?"
Ignoring Amanda, Diana leans down and touches her lips to the top of Akko's head. No cliche magic sparkles happen. Nothing changes.
Amanda smirks. "On the lips then!"
"You are enjoying this more than you should."
"Look, if the rest of us had to kiss a mouse then you better believe I'm going to enjoy this."
Diana holds up Akko once more. She takes the chance to note all of the mouse's features that are so Akko. From the hairstyle to the reddish hue of her eyes. The mouse is even nudging its two claws together like how Akko does with her fingers.
"You really don't have to do this, Diana," Akko says. "There's a big chance that you're… not my true love."
"Yes, it is highly unlikely that that is true. However," Diana gives Akko her most reassuring smile, "it is worth a try, is it not?"
Akko takes a deep inhale in gratitude and respect. "Diana…"
Diana Cavendish is many things. But she will not turn away from someone who needs help if she can somehow offer it.
She just wishes these were better circumstances.
Gathering her resolve, Diana brings her hands up as her head dips down. It is surprisingly easy to find the mouse's mouth despite their size difference.
It is Diana's first kiss. It is… rather unsettling.
Diana quickly pulls away. Just as before, Akko remains unchanged from her mouse form.
The others sigh in defeat.
"Guess even the great Diana Cavendish can't fix this," Amanda says.
Diana moves Akko onto her shoulder so they can both be in a more comfortable stance.
"Now that I have entertained this long enough, shall we look for a more reasonable cure?"
"There is still one more person that we haven't tried," Sucy says. "It's just he doesn't go to this school."
Lotte's eyes widen. "I can't believe you caught that!"
"I'm not blind."
"Wait, he?" A lightbulb flickers on above Amanda's head as she realizes who they mean. "Hanbridge? Are you serious?!"
Diana frowns. "Andrew? What does he have to do with this?"
"Among the list of pairings that Lotte showed us, Andrew was also on that list," Sucy says. "He comes nowhere near you, but Akko did show an interest in him at some point."
"I just said he was handsome! Objectively!" Akko says defensively. "Like how Diana is pretty and Lotte is cute! Objectively."
"Enough that you wanted to crash his party."
"Yeah, to spite Hannah and Barbara."
"What the heck?!" the two girls shout indignantly.
"To be fair, you two aren't the nicest blokes on the block," Amanda reasons.
Diana cuts in before another pointless argument can begin and keep this oneshot going for longer than it should. "Then our last attempt will be to ask Andrew for his help?"
"Are you going to send an owl to him to ask him to come to Luna Nova?" Barbara asks. "The last time I checked, we can't go to him. Appleton hates witches."
Amanda grins, another lightbulb lighting above her head. "Why not surprise him?"
"I refuse to go along with one of your pointless ideas," Diana states.
"Oh come on! I already know most of Appleton's layout. And if we go to him, then we won't have to wait ten years for an owl to come back."
"That is an exaggeration. And I am not going to ask why you know Appleton's structure."
Amanda waves her hand dismissively. "Ten years, ten days, what's the difference? Owls take forever. Besides, don't you want to try their uniform? It's a bit stiff, but it's pretty comfortable too."
Amanda takes out her wand and casts Metamorphie Weisstyss on herself. Smoke swallows her entire body from her feet up to the ends of her hair. When it clears, her hair is slicked back and her Luna Nova uniform replaced by Appleton Academy's suit.
"See? Looks pretty spiffy too." Amanda fixes her collar. "Geh, this collar is still as tight as last time though."
"I have no interest in Appleton's uniform," Diana states.
"Apparently someone else does," Sucy mutters to herself with her eyes trained on Hannah's stupefied face.
Amanda feels eyes on her and turns to see Hannah with her mouth open.
"What? Why are you looking at me like I'm naked?" Amanda wonders.
"N-NOTHING! It's nothing you idiot!" Hannah cries. She holds up her hands to block Amanda from her view, as well as to shy away while her cheeks burn pink.
Barbara slaps her face. "I can't tell if you're straight, that gay, or really bi."
"Or just an idiot," Sucy says.
"It is a tad bit formal though," Lotte remarks. "I can't imagine how hot they must feel. Even we don't have to wear that many layers.
Diana sighs. She's already lost count how many times she's done that in the last one thousand words. "If there is nothing else, I will write a letter and send it to Andrew detailing the situation immediately."
Amanda disregards Hannah's weird state and turns back to Diana. "Ah, hold on a second."
In three quick strides, Amanda comes close enough to Diana to pluck Akko from her shoulder. After putting Akko in her breast pocket, Amanda flicks her wand and casts, "Metamorphie Weisstyss."
"Wha-"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Hannah and Barbara shout. Before the two can strangle Amanda, they stop and stare as the smoke clears from Diana's form.
"Amanda O'Neil! What is the point of this?!" Diana demands. When she goes to flip her hair from her right shoulder, her hand misses and only passes through air. She looks down and sees a black and white suit instead of her navy blue vest and skirt.
Hannah's mouth drops open. "Whoa…"
Barbara fumbles for her wand and changes it into a full-length mirror for Diana to use. Showing, rather than telling, is probably more effective.
Diana's eyes widen as she takes in her appearance. Though not much has changed, Diana has a hard time recognizing herself in the mirror. Like Amanda, her Luna Nova uniform is replaced by the suit that is Appleton's own school uniform. Her hair is still the same length, though tied and parted across her left shoulder. She also feels a tightness across her chest. It isn't too uncomfortable that she can't breathe, but still more noticeable than her own bra.
Akko pops her head out from Amanda's pocket. "Oh wow. You look great, Diana!"
Diana wants to wipe the smug grin from Amanda's face. But even she can't deny that this type of attire isn't too off from what she'd wear if she chose to.
Therefore, she accepts her defeat.
"Fine. What is your plan, Amanda O'Neil?"
It is a mystery how Amanda's face hasn't broken with how wide she is smirking.
Author's Notes:
So after much deliberation, I decided to split this into two chapters. The word count comes out to be a grand total of 11k+ words, and even rereading it to proofread sucked out part of my soul. So… I'll be a little nice to you guys.
I swear the prince will come in next chapter. And uh… hopefully everything gets resolved.
For the record, I am definitely also calling out myself with all the Diakko I write XD Who do I actually ship? Who knows~
Just a reminder that the poll for scheduling my updates is still up for another week!
Fun Fact:
There are quite a few references to some fan art by multiple artists in this oneshot. Especially the Gomi one; I've wanted to write a fic for that art since I first saw it last year. And now I did, after combining it with so much more XD Why can't I ever write short things…?
Shoutout to these wonderful artists for contributing so much to the fandom and for inspiring this chapter of this oneshot! (Of course there are more talented artists but I can't possibly include them all!)
Mochiro aka mochiro_anm on Twitter (Link: twitterDOTcom/mochiro_anm/status/938787588873248769)
Gomi aka gomi_dame332 on Twitter (Link: twitterDOTcom/gomi_dame332/status/870127597908144129)
Tama aka sin05g on Twitter (Link: twitterDOTcom/sin05g/status/953672289823768577)
Ra aka Ra_a on Twitter (Link: twitterDOTcom/Ra[please insert 12 underscores here]a/status/860154494394302465)
Note on the last link: Fanfiction likes to do this weird thing where they don't like multiple repeats of the same character. So Ra's name technically has twelve underscores, even in their twitter link. I really hate how FFN does links...
