You're Not Alone
Chapter One
Authors note: This story is written from Fai's point of view. It is a sort of partner story with Collapse(d); by reading this, you'll learn what Fai saw, heard, learned, and overall experienced. You can learn some details about what happened in Collapse(d) here. Or you can read this one first and learn a bit more by reading Collapse(d). Oh well.
One thing I want to clear up: I am NOT a yaoi shipper. The relationships in this story between Syaoran, Fai, and Kurogane are not yaoi, it's more of a "I need my friends or I swear my head is going to implode" sort of situation. I can't really say much more without ruining the premise of the story. I do not read Tsubasa online, so I probably have some of the facts wrong. Anyway, I hope you like it! ^_^
The large symbol that we have all come to know and love (sort of) appeared on the ground below, and not too long after, Mokona spit us out on the floor. The order was a little different this time. Sure, I still had my usual spot, third up in the pile, but Syaoran was on the bottom this time. I felt bad for the poor kid, but I couldn't help but laugh to myself. Mokona landed neatly on top of Sakura's head.
"We've arrived in the next world!" The little pork bun declared.
"This landing was a little better," Kurogane sighed, more to himself, if anything.
"For you, maybe," Syaoran snapped, probably a bit irritated. Again, I laughed, but I doubt he heard me. Sakura quickly stood up and held out her hand. "Thanks, Sakura-chan," I muttered to her as I took it and pulled myself to my feet. Kurogane cast Mokona an irritated glance. It just giggled. I smirked and turned to face Sakura. "You sure recovered a lot faster than usual," I told her. She'd only been unconcious moments ago. I smiled. I was pleased with the improvement. She seemed quite happy herself. As I glanced around, however, I had a feeling that any happiness or satisfaction we'd been feeling would not last long.
Almost all of the buildings around us had entirely collapsed. There was rubble everywhere. The only sign that the buildings had once stood was that the bases of some of them remained. Though what actually caught my attention was the blood. No matter where you looked, you'd find some of it. There was silver-blue liquid, presumably also blood, by the normal blood, somehow making the scene even nastier than it already was. The fact that there were no bodies in sight somehow seemed to make this worse. I think I would've preferred it if there were bodies: at least we'd know what happened.
I heard the sound of gagging. My head shot up and looked at where it was coming from. Sakura. I frowned. Maybe it would've been much better if she were unconcious. Even Syaoran looked ill.
"Give us a moment," he muttered, gently placing a hand on Sakura's shoulder and guiding her behind a building.
"I think this might be a little too much for the children," I remarked, glancing over at Kurogane. He just grunted.
"Yeah, well, they'll just have to get used to it." I shook my head. Kurogane probably couldn't understand. Perhaps I couldn't, either. I'd never really been the understanding type, no matter how much I pretended.
The scene was so horrible, yet somehow, I couldn't look away. It reminded me...a bit too much of things I didn't want to remember.
I heard the two come back. "Is it day or night?" Syaoran wondered as he came into hearing distance. I looked up towards the sky. At first glance, it would probably appear to be somewhere just after sunset. But I didn't think so.
"I think it's morning. About 9:00 AM," I announced. I heard Kurogane sigh in annoyance. He probably knew I had no basis for this theory.
"What makes you think that?" He asked. I could almost feel his irritated glare. He seemed to be pretty good at getting his mood across.
"Just a feeling," I admitted, giving a fairly careless shrug. I turned to face Syaoran and Sakura. They seemed to have no further questions. Maybe they'd taken my clueless guess as a fact. I sighed to myself. I think they trusted me a little too much.
"It's too bad that we're in a wrecked world. I was hoping we'd be able to treat some of Syaoran-kun's wounds." If Kurogane had any wounds, maybe his, too, but he'd kill me if I said that aloud. Usually, this wouldn't stop me anyway, but I felt now wasn't the time. Syaoran turned his gaze to the floor. I wondered what was on his mind.
I started over towards Sakura, to ask her if she was OK. Obviously, she and Syaoran hadn't gone behind that building to make out, though admittedly, it would've been pretty funny if they had. As I did, however, I noticed something from the corner of my eye. I think I was the first one who did. A flaming figure, heading straight in our direction. I wasn't surprised when Syaoran was instantly in front of Sakura, ready to protect her from whatever this threat might've been.
"Syaoran-kun, I don't think that's--" I began. I didn't know what the creature was, but it wasn't coming off as a threat. But what did I know? Besides, he didn't seem to hear me anyway. I doubt I could've dragged him away from Sakura if I dared to try. Ah, teen love. I had no idea what it felt like. But it was so cute.
As the creature came closer, Syaoran dropped his arm back to his side, his eyes widening in shock. I recognized the flaming wolf as it came closer, too. Syaoran's kudan. Admittedly, I was pretty surprised, but I pretended not to be. This was the first time we'd been to a world twice, assuming this was Hanshin.
Which leads to the next important question--
"What the hell happened here?" Kurogane asked me.
...Well, there you go.
Syaoran crouched down to eye level with his Kudan. As soon as he did, the creature rested its head against his side. I actually found this sort of cute, despite the fact I could just feel trouble heading our way.
I wish I'd said something. I could pretty much hear those men coming. I like to think it wouldn't have mattered either way. At least it takes some of the self-hatred inside of me away. And makes me feel worse to think their deaths were inevitable. I just can't seem to win.
"Thank God, you're back..." It whispered to Syaoran. That probably should've been our first clue to run. But, of course, we didn't. Syaoran, trying to recover from his surprise, started running his hand across the wolf's back.
"What happened here?" He asked.
"Everything."
As if on cue, a bunch of men appeared around the corner. They all appeared around the same general age. They looked like they'd seen a lot of battles, too, judging by the scars, and maybe by the fact they just looked powerful.
"What the hell are they-" Kurogane began, only to fall quiet. I assumed that the last word was going to be 'doing'. And somehow, we seemed to be pretty content with seeing them followed by their kudans, radioactive drooling monster creatures, as an answer.
Just goes to show you how used we are to seeing messed up things by this point.
"Welcome back, Syaoran," The kudan said, seeming to straighten up. Syaoran got up as well, seeming more than slightly confused. "Get ready to fight for your life."
Sakura, by this point, was hiding behind Kurogane. We really should've taught her how to use a weapon, maybe given her a sword, or a gun. But there was no use dwelling on the fact now.
"What happened here?" Syaoran half hissed in frustration, half sighed in annoyance. "How long have I been gone?"
"One hundred and twenty eight years. I know time flows differently in each dimension, but I would've thought you'd at least grow a little taller."
I couldn't help it. I laughed. Especially at the incredulous way Syaoran asked "Are you calling me short?"
A creepy looking, red-eyed man stepped out in front of his group and over to Syaoran. I missed whatever conversation Syaoran, the man, and his Kudan had, mainly because it was hard to hear over the snarling of the other Kudan. I was desperately trying to work out how Sakura, Kurogane, and I were going to fight. Kurogane had long since unsheathed his sword, though I knew it wasn't going to be any use. Well, not enough to kill or ward off these creatures. And I wasn't going to use magic unless it was to protect Sakura, Kurogane, or Syaoran, and even then, as a last resort.
"Are you fighting or not!?" The Kudan's angry words snapped me back to the current situation, as the monsters leapt at all of us. We all leapt out of the way. I tried to keep tabs on everyone, but the monsters obscured my view of Syaoran fairly quickly. I decided that, at the moment, I'd have to look after Kurogane and Sakura.
Look after Kurogane. If he'd heard me say that, he would've killed me.
"Get down!" Kurogane yelled to Sakura, pulling her towards the concrete as a monsters tail flew over our heads. (I took Kurogane's advice, might I add.) I whistled. That's not what most people would do, but for me, it made sense. A barrier formed around us as the monster turned around and leapt at us, claws unsheathed. The barrier didn't hold for the impact, but it held it back for at least that one blow.
I guess that was all it required. I saw large bird fly overhead towards me.
"Fai!!" It yelled.
It was my Kudan. I smiled and let out a short sigh of relief.
"Hold on a minute..." It scooped up one of the monsters and tossed it against a building. Needless to say, I was more than glad to see it. It landed right in front of me.
"Good to see you!" It chirped pleasantly.
"And you," I responded. The bird dispersed into some sort of aura around me, and said aura leapt up as a shield for the next attack struck. On my command, it lashed out at the creature's paws. It actually managed to do some damage, and Kurogane and Sakura darted off in an attempt to find safety.
My kudan did its best to protect me as I dodged blow after blow. I'd never been much of a fighter, unlike Kurogane or Syaoran.
"Syaoran!!" Sakura screamed.
Speaking of him...
If the situation weren't this serious, I would've asked her where the honorific went. But at that point, I was more worried about why she was screaming Syaoran's name at the top of her lungs. It wasn't hard to find the answer. Syaoran was currently struggling in the mouth of a giant dog-like kudan. It was slowly sinking its teeth into his ribs and stomach, and, despite the fact I knew he could take a lot of pain, he screamed. His kudan materialized around his arm.
The wind picked up around me. He would get himself out of that creature's mouth, I was sure of it, but it wouldn't be any good if he didn't survive the fall.
Taking flight, and mentally thanking my kudan for enabling me to do something like this without magic, I moved as fast as I could towards him. I was below the monsters face, out of its line of vision, when it finally released Syaoran. I caught his arm as he fell. He looked up at me and smiled in relief, though I could see the pained look in his eyes from his wounds. I almost cringed as I realized these wounds were piling onto his old ones as well. That had to hurt.
As if reading my mind, he very quietly muttered "This sucks."
Syaoran, I now crown you, the master of the understatement.
"It does," I agreed with a nod. As his kudan formed a platform underneath him, at least ensuring he wouldn't fall to his death, I leapt back down towards the battle.
Sakura and Kurogane had been effectively split up. I knew, without a doubt, that Syaoran had Sakura's safety as his number one priority, probably above his own. Yes, I was worried about her anyway. I was worried about all of us. But Syaoran had a kudan and could protect her, I should probably protect Kurogane.
Again, if I said that aloud, I'd die in my sleep.
Then again, looking at my own past, and remembering my own curses, I sometimes wish I would. But I digress.
I landed beside him just in time to deflect a flying spike from one of the attacking monsters.
"Are you alright, mage!?" He called over his shoulder.
"I'm going to pretend you didn't ask me that, and instead ask you!" I called back as I lashed out at the monsters face with my kudan. He grunted in irritation.
"I'm fine!" Kurogane was doing a surprisingly amazing job holding off the monsters using only his sword. It was good that we only had two monsters to fend off, and not all of the five current attackers. (Though I do believed there were more men than this.)
"I'm surprised you haven't used any of your sword tactics!" I noted aloud.
"I'm saving it for a last ditch effort," he sighed, more to himself. I assumed this battle, along with the one he'd fought not to long ago in the last world, had worn him out, though he was definitely deny it if you asked.
"SAKURA!!!" Syaoran screamed. I spun around in alarm, but, ironically, I didn't get to see what had happened. I felt a large paw collide with my back and send me flying across the floor.
"Damnit!" Kurogane snarled, dodging as one of the monsters bent down and tried to bite Kurogane in two. He plunged his sword into its muzzle...which somehow caused its master to scream instead of the creature itself. Well, using a real weapon on a creature that represents its master's soul probably isn't very good for the master, I assumed...
I noticed, whatever had happened with Sakura and Syaoran, they were down for the count. I could see a fire barrier around the two, isolating them from the world they were on. Fear gripped my heart. Oh god...I hadn't wanted to get attached to those kids like this...but if one of them was hurt, or worse...
The five monsters, and all of their masters, were attacking us now. I couldn't keep up, maybe it was because I was so panicked, but Kurogane would probably have slapped me and just told me we were outnumbered. Which we were, I guess.
I tried my hardest to fight them all off.
In the end, Kurogane was unable to block about three claws coming at him at once. One of the claws to his right slashed deep into his side. Far too deep. The other cut right through his ribs. Kurogane's eyes flew open in shock.
"Kurogane-san!" I yelled, dropping any nickname I might've decided to give him on a regular occasion. I freaked out so much at that moment that my kudan actually had to step out of my command and defend me.
"Damn...it...mage..." He grunted as my Kudan protected me from a lethal blow. He fell to his knees, then shook his head once more, trying desperately to keep a hold on his blade as he got to his feet using sheer willpower. Wow.
"Hama-...Ryu...O-Jin!!" With whatever pent up energy he had left, the beam of light energy exploded from his sword. However, it wasn't hard to see the desperateness of the attempt. The magic was ragged, unlike it usually was, and was a bit duller. I didn't actually see the damage it did. When the attack was complete, he fell to his knees, then his side. He wasn't ever getting back up, I knew. But I silently begged otherwise.
I had pretty much considered Kurogane invincible, up to this point. Admittedly, the very last thing I wanted to do was outlive him. Or Sakura. Or Syaoran.
I ran over to his side while my Kudan tried it's hardest to hold off the monsters. We had...probably ten seconds. Maybe fifteen, tops.
I saw his gaze was fixed beyond some of the monsters. I followed his stare to where the flame barrier had once been. It was gone. Syaoran was there in its place. In his arms, was a limp Sakura. Her arms were around his neck, her head on his shoulder. The way she seemed so peaceful taunted me. It was almost as if she was sleeping. But no one could overlook the claw that ran through her body. Her skin was pale, her eyes were closed, her chest wasn't rising and falling. Syaoran clutched her as if the world would end if he let go, as if the universe depended on it. There were tears on his face. Admittedly, they were more silent tears, and maybe a couple of real ones he probably couldn't feel. Sakura was dead.
"Kill him," Kurogane snarled, fighting for breath. I turned to look at him. "The leader of this group," he added quickly as his body began shaking. Kurogane couldn't die...Sakura didn't deserve this...this couldn't be happening...
"I don't care if its you or the kid...one of you kill the damned bastard," he panted. "Avenge the princess."
"You can't die!" I yelled. My kudan screeched in fury, and maybe sadness, if it felt even a fraction of what I did.
Kurogane laughed. Yes. He laughed. I still wonder how he pulled it off.
"You two look after each other, alright?" His eyes fell half shut. "I'm sorry..." His voice trailed off, and the color drained from his eyes. There was still a protective look in them, as if he'd died with his eyes open because he wanted to watch out for his student and the princess.
At that moment, my kudan's defense system failed, and a beast knocked it aside. I felt a paw all but pin me to the floor, as the group leader walked over to Kurogane.
"Stop!!" I yelled, only to feel the pressure on my back increase. I couldn't die...I couldn't leave Syaoran to handle this alone...and where the heck had Mokona gone? I shut up. The group leader took off his pendant, and opened another slit in Kurogane's throat. Every single last part of me wanted to protest to this, but when I struggled, the weight on my back increased dangerously. Hating myself a little bit more than I already had, I could only watch as the blood flowed onto the pendant, which glowed silver. Then the man put it back on. I noticed it was a lot less dull now, but for some reason, I hated that. A lot.
"We're done here," the man announced.
"Do we kill this man?" Someone asked, looking at me. Somehow, the group had completely forgotten about Syaoran and Sakura. Admittedly, it made me think of them as stupid, (I'd never seen them as bright anyway, this didn't help,) but at the same time, I was grateful. As a matter of fact, I don't think I've ever been more grateful to see a group of, in Kurogane-speak, 'bastards', with short term memory.
"Bind his Kudan. We'll search for him next time. No point in killing perfectly good game and wasting it." Game? I obviously couldn't ask. Maybe my Kudan would tell me later.
The pressure was released. Dark vines swirled around my kudan, which plummeted and fell still beside me, though I could see it was alive. The group turned around and began to walk away. I stood up. My first thought was 'ow', and my second was to go and talk to Syaoran.
How was I going to break this to him!? He and Sakura were in love. We all knew that. Now Sakura was dead, and I had to tell him that his mentor was gone, too. I couldn't remember ever feeling this horrible. Believe me when I say 'that is REALLY saying something.'
I took Kurogane's sword from his hand. If we were going to do something about that group's leader, we were going to have to make it fast. And what better way to do it with Kurogane's sword? I doubted he was going to complain.
I briskly walked over to the brown haired kid, but was feeling uncertain about trying to get his attention. I certainly didn't want to deliver this bad news, but if we wanted to pull of Kurogane's dying wish, we were going to have to do it now, fast, and by surprise. This didn't make it any easier. I placed a hand on Syaoran's shoulder.
"Syaoran-kun?" I asked, as quietly as possible. I noticed that I'd started crying at some point. Probably earlier than I could recall. Syaoran looked back over at me, his eyes showing he'd probably been out of it for a while.
"It's over." I had been talking about the battle, of course, but I guess I meant a lot of things. The lives of two comrades. Two segments of the journey. The two star-crossed lovers. (You all know Syaoran and Sakura were.) It felt horrible. The words left a foul taste in my mouth, for some reason.
"...She's gone," Syaoran forced himself to say. I heard his voice trembled. I felt so bad for the kid...and I had to make it worse, didn't I? I'd have to do this quick...
"Not just her."
I took a moment or two. Why was I trying to say this to Syaoran when I couldn't even wrap my mind around it?
His eyes flew open wide, as he worked it out before I even said it. "Where's Kurogane!?"
I couldn't respond. Gently placing down the sword, I lifted Sakura out of his arms. She was such a good girl...kind, honest, loyal...this wasn't what she deserved. It wasn't what Syaoran deserved either: To have his first love torn away from him before his eyes. Kurogane, neither. He'd genuinely cared for the two kids, acting as their father. (I hadn't been making those jokes in previous dimensions for nothing.) And Mokona had always been loving and empathetic. Whether I deserved this was a different story entirely. But none of these people had. I placed her on the ground and picked up Kurogane's blade, gently pressing it in Syaoran's hands. It was covered in silver-blue blood. The silence felt long, but it was no more than a couple of seconds. I could see the fury building in his eyes. The murderous hatred in his gaze actually scared me a little bit. His grip tightened around the sword. I assumed we were both on the same page as Kurogane had been. It was just a matter of concience.
"If it makes you feel any better, Kurogane wanted you to avenge Sakura." I didn't feel bad encouraging him at all. I think he would've gone over the edge, even if I weren't there. (I think if I'd died as well, honestly, he might've commited suicide. I wondered if he was thinking about it at that moment. I wouldnt't blame him. It certainly crossed my mind.)
Before I could even blink, the kid took off, his kudan in stride beside him. I probably looked on far too coldly as a sixteen year old boy murdered a grown man. All I could think about was what they'd done to us. We weren't any better than those men, if you want to think about it like that, but I didn't give a damn back then. Nor did my Kudan, who had gotten up and was standing beside me.
"How many lives have those men taken?" I asked it.
"You have no idea," was the only thing it would say. It's up to you whether this justifies anything. Even Syaoran's kudan didn't look ashamed as it came back. Syaoran, however, was a different story. Not ashamed. Just miserable. I was about to mention the pendant, but then I saw it in his hand, and decided to keep my mouth shut. He stopped in front of me, absolutely quiet, gaze fixed on the floor. I was about to put a hand on his shoulder, but something forced me to retract it. Maybe it was just the misery coming off in waves, or maybe I thought that he'd be angry. Or, maybe I was feeling the same, and I should deal with my own issues first, or I'd make his worse.
"Where's Mokona?" He finally murmured.
"Here," Mokona said, somewhere from in my kudan's feathers.
HOW had it gotten there!? I'd have to ask it later. By it's tone of voice...
"Does it know?" Syaoran asked. I shook my head. Mokona was going to be just as broken as we were, I assumed. I bet it could feel our emotions from miles away, let alone from right next to us.
I noticed Syaoran was looking at Kurogane. I stared at the two. This was his mentor he was staring at. Dead. I had a feeling there would be nothing I could do to make him feel better. I didn't even try. The full extent of the wounds were difficult to see from a distance. I was almost glad that Syaoran couldn't see them all: The slit throat, a few snapped or exposed ribs...
"Why did it have to be Kurogane and Sakura?"
It's not Syaoran's fault, but that question was going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I had no idea why it had to be those two. I desperately wished it hadn't been.
And I didn't know, but maybe their early deaths had bumped them up a level of respect. I wasn't sure. I didn't care.
"What happened!?" Mokona squeaked in sudden alarm, hopping out of my Kudan's feathers.
"Mokona, get us out of here," Syaoran coughed out desperately. He had a point. If we had any more encounters with the gangs here, we might've ended up following Sakura and Kurogane's footsteps. And if Mokona learned about the death of its comrades before we got out, it would make leaving very difficult for it.
"...Do you think it'd be alright if I came along?" Syaoran's kudan asked him. I knew he was worried about coming off as unsympathetic or worse. But we owed the two kudan a lot. They'd saved our lives out here, so why would we just desert them?
"Yes," I answered. I glanced over at my Kudan and nodded towards it, letting it know I was referring to it, too. It lowered its head in respect for both of us.
I headed over towards Kurogane as Syaoran moved to pick up Sakura. I took Kurogane's blade from him and dropped it next to the ninja.
"Get us out of here," Syaoran repeated.
"Did something happen?" Mokona whimpered. I could see it half-praying for the best. It could see something was up. It knew what we were feeling.
"Don't think about it, let's get somewhere safe," I told it. The best thing to do was to be sure it stayed calm. Even if I had to shove aside my own grief in the process. Mokona gave a nod and leapt into the air, wings unfurling. It stayed absolutely silent, probably scared half to death by ours.
I don't know what Syaoran'd kudan said to him, as both of them faded into glowing orbs and headed towards us. Though when I heard him say "It had nothing to do with you," I figured those two were going to be stuck in self blame for a while. Kurogane had been an expert at snapping Syaoran out of that state. I wasn't, really. I'd have to try my best.
"It wasn't your fault, alright?" My Kudan said. "It was neither of yours."
I gave a half hearted smile. "Yeah," I whispered, keeping my tone low. I didn't want Syaoran to misinterpret that and think I was blaming him. We were then all inhaled.
