Robin Hood's Tough Choice
Robin Hood and Little John ran through the forest, the Sheriff of Nottingham hot on their tails…arrows flew past Robin's ear and the fox decided, "Hey, I don't actually have to be faster than the sheriff, I just have to be faster than the bear." He turned to Little John who was now huffing heavily, his breathing coming labored.
"Sorry to do this to ya old friend, but I think I hear Maid Marian calling," said Robin.
"Hey! Where are you going?!" shouted Little John as he watched the red plume of the fox's tail disappear into the woods. "Well if that don't beat all," said the bear to himself.
It wasn't long before he was captured and taken back to Knottingham for a hearing. They threw him into the dungeon and fed him on bread crumbs and stale water.
"It's okay, "said the bear, trying to console himself. "Robin won't leave me here to rot in prison. My buddy will come for me."
Robin had other troubles of his own. Maid Marian had been kidnapped. Robin rallied the Merry Men. "Let's try to find her before she's forced into a slave marriage," they said.
Just as the men were gathering their swords and bows and arrows, someone came and told Robin, "Little John is in trouble. They're set to hang him at noon today."
It was a tough choice. "Let's see," said the fox while the men tapped their feed impatiently. "We could either go for Little John, our friend…but then it might be too late for M.M."
"Or…we could go for the girl and forget old baggy britches," said Christian Slater.
"Hey, what are you doing in this fan fiction?" asked the fox.
"I don't really know."
"Then get out of here," said the fox. Then he felt bad about it, so he added, "If you don't mind."
Everyone watched until Christian Slater walked over to a hidden door in the scenery, opened it, and stepped through. They all breathed a sigh of relief.
"I hate it when they do that," said someone.
"Anyway," said Robin, checking his sword belt. "Back to the plot."
"Right," said one of the twin vultures. "So, what we gonna do? What we gonna do?"
"I don't really know," said Robin, "What 'you wanna do?"
"I don't know," said the bird.
There was silence for a bit and then the bird asked again, "So what we gonna do? What we gonna do?"
His twin immediately bopped him on the head with a feathered fist. "Now don't start that again."
"Riiight," said Robin. This was getting strange. He made up his mind.
"Fellow robbers," said he, and everyone lent him their ears. Robin studied the bloody ears for a moment. He was about to comment but quickly shook his head, closing his eyes tight. He wasn't going to get distracted again. "I've reached a conclusion. I mean a decision. We're going to save BOTH the maid and the bear."
Everyone gasped. They had not known their leader was so ubiquitous.
"And how, pray tell," said one of the merry men who looked like a rabbit, "do you propose we do that? Shall we split ourselves into halves and thus divide our energies, not to mention our bodies? How can we do both of those mutually exclusive things?"
"You're right," said the fox, looking sly. "We'll just have to play rock, paper, scissors."
He and the rabbit played a few rounds before Robin threw up his paws. "Oh, it's no use! We can't make anything but 'rocks' with these stupid things."
"Meanwhile," said Christian Slater, poking his head back through the scenery, "Little John wastes away, and Maid Marion is one step closer to the end of being 'Maid.'
"That does it!" shouted Robin. "Get that human!"
Everyone rushed at Christian Slater who couldn't react in time to jerk his head back out and close the door. His grinning face got wedged in the crack and all of the animals crashed through upon him. They were in the real world now.
"Cool," said the Rabbit, looking around. "Now what we gonna do?"
"Anything you want," said the fox. And so, that is what they did.
The End