A/N: I'm not entirely satisfied with the ending, but I wanted to post something for today! All mistakes are mine and let me know what you think. Thanks.
She wasn't lustful, she was a romantic, but somehow the way her spine ignited whenever Rachel's eyes locked onto hers from across the room, her head filled with doubt and she started to believe that maybe she'd been kidding herself for a very long time. It was only now, two weeks from graduation and New Haven, that Quinn realized that her absurd need to involve herself in Rachel's life was entirely out of hand. As difficult as it was to admit, Quinn could finally say that she wanted Rachel Berry for herself.
It was in the way she burned shameless holes into the back of her talented head whenever she sat behind her in class. It was in the satisfaction she felt whenever Rachel looked back at her with a knowing twinkle in her eye. It was in the albeit slightly outlandish and kind of kinky way that Rachel would hold her gaze while she kissed Finn. It was all very telling, and as her chance was slowly slipping away in the hands of Finn and New York, she had nothing more to lose from the truth.
It just so happened that the truth came to her following a particularly grueling rehab appointment. She was sat in the passenger seat of Rachel's dad's Audi, her legs shaking and her head spinning like a top.
Heavy drinking wasn't Quinn's strong suit but Rachel thought she managed to somehow carry it off with a husky kind of grace, which was utterly insane because had she called a friend, highly intoxicated and asking for a ride, she's sure she would've looked a plain sight worse than the girl beside her.
When ten minutes ago, her phone had blared into the silence of her room and Quinn had asked Rachel to please pick her up because she couldn't drive herself home, her heart had leapt into her throat. Her nerves were all of a sudden out of control and she was overcome with guilt. She didn't have it in her to say no - not that she could've anyway - when she heard the anxiousness in Quinn's voice and in turn, her heart had started to race as she'd promised she'd be there for her in 10 minutes. It had taken her a total of 30 seconds to get out of bed, pull on sweats and hoodie, pull her hair back into a loose ponytail and fly out of the house to her dad's car. She knew they wouldn't mind her taking the car to pick up a friend in distress and she hoped when they returned from their weekend away, they'd understand the speeding ticket that may appear on their pile of mail if the urgency in which she drove was anything to speak for.
"I know this may be a silly question, given that you're clearly in a lot of pain, but are you OK?"
One look at Quinn's legs gave her the answer she needed. They were trembling and she could see the blonde biting into her lip in her side mirror whenever they hit a pothole or drove over a speed bump. She couldn't quite see her eyes, which she was sure was a deliberate move on Quinn's behalf because she'd angered her head ever so slightly towards the window, causing a shadow to cast over art of her face.
On the phone it had sounded like she'd been crying, and when she'd picked her up, she'd been so quick to get into the passenger seat that Rachel hadn't the time get a proper look at her face. She couldn't get a read on her now.
"Thanks for coming to get me." Quinn finally muttered. It was quiet, but Rachel recognized the nervousness in her voice.
"I'm glad you called me." She admitted, hoping that Quinn would just lift her head and look at her! But she barely even batted an eye so Rachel forced her attention on the road ahead until she pulled up into an empty drive 10 minutes later.
She turned to the blonde in the seat beside her and offered her hand to no avail. Quinn wasn't normally this distant with her. They'd been friends for a while, a lot closer since Quinn's accident, and affectionate gestures weren't completely foreign to them anymore.
"Let me help you."
She watched Quinn wince slightly as she got out of the car without a word, wobbling on her legs and making her way slowly towards her house. She stopped in front of her door and her shoulders shook a little. She looked cold and upset, so Rachel put aside the tormenting thought that maybe Quinn was upset with her and followed her up the driveway.
"Let me help you," it came out in a whisper this time, but it made Quinn turn around and meet Rachel's gaze for the first time all evening.
Rachel smiled sympathetically at the blatantly inebriated girl in front of her and at the troubled expression on her face. Before she knew what was happening, Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel's neck and pulled her closer until their bodies were pressed together. Rachel's arms wrapped tightly around the blonde's waist, and fisted her coat to keep her right where she was as though she would slip away in a moment. She took a sharp intake of breath when the blonde's cheek pressed against her own.
"Quinn, you're freezing." She told her, bringing up her hand to cup the other side of the girl's face. Quinn nuzzled into Rachel's shoulder softly when she felt her tighten her hold on her.
"Are you okay? Don't you want to go inside?"
Rachel pulled her head back enough to look at Quinn, whose eyes were squeezed shut and lips were parted slightly. Rachel smiled and pressed her forehead against Quinn's temple.
"Don't fall asleep on me here."
Eyelids fluttered and hazel eyes bore into brown as Quinn pulled her head back and finally stepped away from Rachel. The surge of adrenaline she'd found in finally being brave enough to confront Rachel about her feelings rushed through her as she laced her fingers tightly with Rachel's and pulled her down to sit on the stone steps of her front porch. For a moment neither of them said anything. A shiver shot down Quinn's spine when Rachel took her hand and held it between her two. She ran her fingers deftly over the cool, pale skin on the back of Quinn's hand, waiting for the blonde to say something. Anything.
Four months ago she'd been lying in her hospital bed listening to her mother tell her that she couldn't possibly care for herself in New Haven if she was in a wheelchair. She'd listened to Santana cuss her out for being so stupid - that one she knew she deserved. She'd listened to Finn backhandedly place the blame on her for Rachel stopping their wedding. But what had struck her the most was the moment that Rachel had promised wholeheartedly that she would be there for her every day, morning and night.
She'd already fallen for her in Junior year, but now this was her second chance. This was her chance to get it right.
"Why didn't you call Santana?" Rachel coaxed her into speech. "Or Joe.." she added quietly under her breath. She knew that Quinn had been spending time with him over the past few weeks, but she hadn't heard much about it.
The blonde simply blew a tuft of hair from her face and pulled her hand from Rachel's, placing it in her own lap. She couldn't deal with distractions if she wanted to voice what she'd been plucking up the courage to say.
"Joe was just… a moment." She conceded. "And tonight I needed someone who wasn't going to judge me."
Hearing Quinn admit that she needed help still blew her mind. But she loved it. She loved hearing her ask because she always had a humbled softness to her voice when she did. And Rachel never said no. How could she?
"I'll never judge you."
"I can't tell you how many times i've gone over this moment in my head over the past year." Rachel shifted uncomfortably when the blonde didn't look over to her. "How many times I've thought about what to say and how to say it." Quinn ran her fingers through her hair, willing the throbbing in her head to stop. She suddenly wished she hadn't drunk at all. She could feel the alcohol in her brain making circuits, threatening to steal her consciousness.
"How to say what?"
"Why don't you hate me, Rachel?" Quinn finally turned to look at the brunette who looked straight back, watching the alcohol swirling in those gorgeous eyes. She couldn't look away and knew it would kill her not to when she felt herself being pulled in.
"Why would you ask me that?"
The desperation in Quinn's voice was so thick that Rachel simply shook her head in further response, willing the blonde to tell her what to say.
"Don't you hate me for how I used to treat you?"
Rachel would be lying if she said she'd never questioned Quinn's sudden interest in her, or for what reason she'd decided to act on it; but not once had she questioned the friendship that had so easily formed between them. The teasing and the laughing, all of it had been real for Rachel and she'd never wondered why. She didn't want to wonder why.
"I don't hate you." she defended.
Rachel hadn't understood. Quinn shook her head, in hopes at crushing Rachel's fears and reached for the brunette's hand, that was laid on the cool stone step. Rachel let her lace their fingers together again and cradle them in her lap, while looking straight into Quinn's eyes.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I know my heart." she said surely, squeezing Quinn's hand. She didn't understand why the blonde was saying all of this. Was she trying to tell her that she didn't want to be friends anymore? Rachel hadn't imagined the night to end up this way.
"Why do I feel like you're ending this friendship?" Rachel asked exasperatedly. She was lost, on all levels, with Quinn looking all melancholy and speaking so quietly.
Boy, was that a loaded question. Quinn let out a shaky breath, feeling her palm slide against Rachel's as the girl pulled away and lifted her hand to her face. Rachel tilted Quinn's head towards her and looked pleadingly into eyes, begging for words that would make sense of everything.
"Rachel…" Quinn swallowed uneasily.
"Your eyes… they're so red."
Quinn blinked a few times, unsure of how Rachel could tell in the dark. But the hand stayed there, stroking a little with her thumb. If she couldn't get the right words out, she would put everything into her gaze. She locked onto Rachel's eyes and bore her feelings out, hoping the girl would understand. She poured everything she'd felt over the past year into the girl in front of her, willing her to see it; willing Rachel to feel it. How could she begin to tell her that she lingered a little longer after Glee to catch Rachel's eye because it set her body on fire. Or that she thrived on the catty arguments they had because they were passionate driven and completely honest.
Rachel searched Quinn's eyes, silently pleading for some kind of explanation. A million thoughts swarmed Quinn's mind and her voice took charge before she could make sense of any of them.
"I want you."
Rachel kept looking, deeper and when the moon hit Quinn's eyes and she saw tears sparkling there, her heart soared so magnificently that in any other moment, she would've demanded an ambulance. The universe was screaming it at her and she'd only just seen the answers in the eyes that were so hopelessly gazing into hers. Those eyes gave her every answer to every question she'd asked herself on the long nights when she'd spent hours thinking about Quinn and why she'd always watch her. Rachel's expression softened and she gazed adoringly at the blonde, letting her eyes trace her features. Her cheeks were so pale from the cold and her lips plump and blood red from all the nervous biting she'd seen her do since she'd arrived. A tongue darted out to wet her lips and Rachel caved. She turned her head to look straight out down the driveway but when she felt the blonde shuffle closer, her heart dropped into her stomach and she let her head fall to the side.
But Quinn kept talking.
"I feel like I'm on fire whenever you look at me. I get really… I don't know, when I hear your voice. When you sing, my stomach flips. I feel as though I'm about to go over the edge with desire and I don't know what to do with it."
Even their current proximity was teetering along the borderline of too much to handle, lest she physically combust on her own doorstep. "I want to kiss you." She confessed, without much thought to how Rachel was going to respond. She hoped with a kiss, but hope never quite seemed to work for her.
"Quinn, we can't." she sounded so broken at having to be the sober minded of the two and essentially act as another wedge between them. She was practically vibrating with want, because Quinn was finally acknowledging the tension between the two of them, but knowing that unresolved tension was as far as it could go made it so much harder to pull herself away.
"Can't we just pretend we can?" Quinn all but pleaded. "For just a minute."
She caught Rachel's gaze and challenged her to look away. It was all over her face. She could feel it in her fingers that were gently stroking her own, and the eyelashes that were fluttering on every breath Quinn breathed over her face, and in the beautifully plump lips that were quivering as tears rolled down her cheeks. It was Rachel's own way of saying, 'I want you too'.
"Why did you have to do this?" Rachel asked exasperatedly. She was afraid of losing herself, with Quinn looking all melancholy and speaking so quietly. She looked like she wanted to cry, but Rachel forced herself to believe that was due to alcohol intoxication and nothing more. From the first time she'd caught a lingering glance from her, or seen her flushed cheeks whenever they danced in Glee, Rachel had known Quinn was one she'd end up falling for. She'd fallen in love with her heart and the way Quinn seemed disinterested in everyone else but looked at her like she mattered. But now that she was with Finn, now feeling stuck, Quinn had chosen the worst possible time express her feelings.
It was wrong. It was wrong of her to want someone else when she was in a relationship. Finn was good to her, he tried so hard and he didn't deserve any of this. It wasn't his fault.
But it wasn't her fault either. She couldn't help what she wanted and her heart wanted Quinn. Rachel knew the difference between right and wrong but how could something she knew was wrong, feel so right? She knew the moment wouldn't last much longer. They'd been sitting in silence for a while now and one of them would have to move soon. They were both getting colder and the sky was getting darker and Rachel held onto the knowledge that maybe things were going to change. She didn't pull away when Quinn planted a kiss on her cheek, just shy of her mouth and instead she turned her cheek so they were face to face.
Quinn froze and let Rachel lean into her, making sure nothing was going to happen that Rachel didn't want to. She place her hand on the brunette's hip and fisted her sweater in her hand for her own comfort. She smiled as her breath danced across Rachel's lips and watched her eyes fall shut.
"Please…" Rachel whispered.
She didn't need to be told twice. Quinn lifted her head and brushed her lips over Rachel's, just the faintest touch.
She was so soft.
She couldn't wait any longer and brought her hand up to cup Rachel's cheek. She guided her, slowly, giving her a chance to pull away but Rachel was only coming closer.
The moment their lips met for the first time, Quinn smiled. She smiled into the kiss and felt Rachel doing the same because finally, they were together. She felt like she'd been waiting for this for years, ever since she'd seen that pompous girl in a plaid skirt waltzing her way down the halls of McKinley with her eyes on Finn and a voice that rocked Quinn's entire body.
But God, the moment was over so quickly - too quickly, and Quinn heard Rachel sigh when they parted.
"You have no idea how long i've wanted the chance to do that."
Rachel smiled adoringly at her and pulled Quinn back in for another kiss.
They both knew Rachel had to leave, no matter how much they both wanted her to stay. It was with promises of tomorrow that they parted. Quinn couldn't help but kiss her again, determined to make the most of the second chance she'd been given and enveloped her in one last hug.
Rachel watched as Quinn retreated into her house with a small smile on her face. She started up the engine and pulled out of the drive. She was happy, Quinn was sober and somehow they both knew things were going to work out.
