Beautiful and Permanent

Pairings/Warnings: Tony/Bruce, implied Tony/Pepper/Bruce, mentioned Bruce/Betty and Bruce/Natasha, canon compliant timeline, mild AOU spoilers, a kind of AOU "fix," explicit language, sexually explicit situations, recreational drug use

Notes: Written for Science Bros Week 2015. Chapters are short because they are based on prompts. Chapter titles are named after the prompt. Essentially a spewing of my headcanon for how Tony and Bruce's relationship would fit in canon. This is pretty freeform and not the way I would normally write a multi-chapter fic, but I really needed to do something different for a minute. Apologies.


1: Ocean

Bruce curled his toes in the sand, the warmth of the sun fading quickly against the coast. The surf tumbled away from his feet as they sunk into the cold, grainy putty beneath them. He had been here for almost a year now and yet it had hardly seemed that long at all, but the skyline at sunset was imbedded in his memory. Red, purple, orange streaked across the sky, gorgeous and indefinite. It made him feel very small, very broken.

All his life Bruce had only wanted to be permanent, he had only wanted things to stay the same. Even if things were bad, as long as they were the same, they couldn't get any worse. But, as he stared up at the sky he figured – nothing beautiful in this life was ever permanent. Not his mother, not Betty or Natasha, not his stint as an Avenger.

Now Bruce was never beautiful and he knew that. Not like the sunset or like Betty. If he had been beautiful, his life would have been very different. Yet still he tried to hold on to beautiful things. That which was broken was like looking into a very painful mirror and he didn't have the guts – fuck. There were a lot of reasons he crashed the Quinjet into the ocean but really? He was tired of holding on and he was scared to let go and he was done. It was too much to be an Avenger. It was too much to be beautiful.

And now?

He breathed out with the ocean, trying to let the stress go, let it roll away with the seafoam. Bruce knew he would be found, sooner or later. Figured Tony had probably waited a good three months before he had given up and came out here himself. And he hadn't really said anything – for once. Hadn't made any demands, hadn't attempted to get him to follow along in some grand scheme of how his life could be if only he would sign on whatever dotted line Tony was offering.

It was hard, with Tony. Because Tony was broken too and with Tony it was all right there, right there on the surface. The cracks defining him were visible in the smile he faked, in the self-important way he held himself, in the way he pretended that he mattered. And maybe that was why he always capitulated when it came to Tony – because he knew. Because he saw that fear and he knew that fear. Maybe he couldn't stop it within himself, but he could try to make it better for Tony… right?

No. He knew better now.

Bruce forced himself to keep his eyes on the skyline as the wind tugged at his hair. It had taken him a year but he forgave himself his ignorance. The fact was – he couldn't. He couldn't fix Tony any more than he could fix Natasha. Any more than he could fix himself.

Damn. It hurt to admit it but, when then he'd let himself admit it, it did feel good to accept it. And for the first time in how many years the Hulk was calm within him. His alter ego was finally accepted, was finally a whole, fundamental piece of who he was.

"Sunset looks good on this side of the world," Tony said, standing near him but clearly trying not to be too intrusive. "Couldn't blame ya if you stayed."

Bruce didn't look at him, though his lips tightened for a moment, considering it. It was beautiful here – beautiful in a tangible way he wasn't used to. And it was quiet, peaceful. Easy. The loudest noise was from inside his own head and he had gotten used to it. But then he knew – that wasn't how we were meant to live. Humanity was a mess but there was a certain beauty in that too, wasn't there? The goal was to find it, appreciate it. He knew that and yet…

"No more avenging?" Bruce asked without turning his head – somewhat skeptical even though it was the first thing Tony had said when Bruce slammed open the little door to his boat with a scowl.

"No more avenging," Tony confirmed, his voice seeming uncharacteristically light.

Finally Bruce turned a sidelong glance towards the other man, a man he had once considered his best friend, a man he loved. He looked… happy. Relaxed. It was a rare thing to see. For most of his life Bruce had been relatively unconcerned with people but ever since the accident he had gotten pretty good at reading them. And despite the cracks on the surface, Tony was always particularly difficult to read. He buried himself in layer upon layer of formality and show and distraction so that no one could really see him and now… it was gone.

Bruce narrowed his eyes a little, watching the lazy grin on Tony's face as he stared out towards the setting sun. It was like he was looking right through him, through the cracks and for once it wasn't painful, it wasn't hard. Because Tony wasn't trying to hide any more and maybe – neither was he.

It took a moment before he realized that Tony was looking back at him, wide open and completely exposed. And Bruce could tell – he'd gained weight, the gray in his hair was visible, and his smile was genuine. Whatever had happened to him in the past year, after Ultron, it had changed him. For the better.

"Not sure I can do New York again," Bruce admitted as he rubbed at the back of his neck, a little embarrassed by that. But there were so many memories…

"Doesn't have to be New York," Tony promised and Bruce looked back out across the ocean.

Maybe it wasn't the right decision – Bruce was pretty good at making bad decisions and only time would ever tell. But as the sky grew darker he knew… there was only so much time to experience something beautiful.

When he turned back to Tony he had his hand outstretched towards him, waiting, patiently. There was no pressure, now, none of the manipulation Tony could be guilty of – just an offer. Bruce knew he could just as easily stand there, unmoving, and reject it. That Tony would leave and he wouldn't tell anyone where Bruce was and he could stay here forever. But… sometimes he and Tony made something good together.

And so he reached back for Tony's hand, pulling his feet from the heavy sand and stepping towards his friend, letting their palms meet. Because he knew the spaces between their fingers where they fit together, could overlap, fill the cracks, and piece the broken parts together to create something beautiful.