A Series of Strange Family Events
Summary: A collection of one-shots about a few children born to the oddest of parents. How odd? Well, let's just say your average kid isn't related to some of the greatest nations the world has ever known. No Mpreg included.
Chapter 1: Fire
Pairing: FrUK
"England's coming home today, right?"
Elizabeth lowered her book so that only her forest green eyes could gaze at the man seated across from her. "It's been on the calendar ever since he left." She replied simply, irises slowly returning to her novel.
" Je sais, mon enfante." France responded, suddenly reverting to French.
"Pourquoi l'avez-vous signalé, puis ? " Elizabeth inquired, her eyes still reading.
"Je n'ai aucune idée."
Elizabeth snorted. She knew why France had brought it up. He was just too proud-too stubborn to admit it. The 14 year old often wondered why France couldn't just say he was worried or, even better, that he actually longed for England's presence. It wasn't like he had anything to be embarrassed about. I mean, how long had her parents been married?
As if the discussion has summoned him, the doorbell called out to the two occupants, heralding the Brit's arrival. Elizabeth set the book to the side and removed herself from the couch. France followed suit, closely behind the girl. Elizabeth turned the doorknob, pulling the door itself open.
England, duffle bag slung over his shoulders, wore a pleased and relieved face on as he slipped into the house. After scuffing the mud from his shoes onto the welcome mat, he turned to the rest of the family for a proper greeting.
"Bonjour, Mummy." Elizabeth cooed, planting a kiss on England's cheek. "It's great to see you! How was your visit to America?" she took England by the hand and led him to the couch.
"Not enjoyable." He grumbled, plopping himself next to his daughter as she sat herself.
"It's just because it's America, right?"
England scowled. "How would you like it if someone forced you to try a hamburger?"
"Donnez-moi une coupre." Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Can't you just get along with him for once?"
Before England could respond, France's arms were draped over his neck and the former's mouth whispered against his ear. "You should listen to your daughter, mon cher." France then proceeded to press his lips to England's temple.
England attempted to chase away the smile curving his own lips, but only ended up making a weird smirk. "Aren't I entitled to my own opinions, Francis?" he replied, arms folded defiantly across his chest.
Elizabeth was left to merely observe her parents until a quite prominent odor invaded her nostrils. "Eww…." Her nose crinkled in disgust. "What is that SMELL?"
England sat up, escaping France's arms. "Yeah….Smells like something is burning."
France, his face as white as parchment, abruptly leaped from the couch. "Mon dieu!" he cried, making a mad dash into the kitchen. The rest of the family was left to follow him, already predicting the origin of the burnt smell. A second later, the fire alarm sounded a panicked call throughout the house as a voluminous fire erupted from a frying pan sitting alone on the stove.
Elizabeth's eyes augmented at the furious flames, belatedly reminding her of the welcome home meal France and she had been preparing moments before. She scanned the room in a vain attempt to find the fire extinguisher. In the corner of her eye, she observed England grip the handle of the pan and make his way over to the sink, while France-
Wait….The SINK?
"MUMMY!!! NO!" she screeched, as horrifying visions of the flames devouring the entire house filled her brain. Quick as she could, the girl flung herself between England and the sink, protecting the water source.
England confusion muddled with the fear dominating his features "Hello!" he shouted, his voice trembling. "I have a fire here." He nodded his head to the billowing flames in the pan he was now holding, as if Elizabeth hadn't already noticed it, which was virtually impossible.
Elizabeth remained where she was. "It's a GREASE FIRE!!!!! BRING IT OUTSIDE!!!!!!!" She yelled.
France, putting himself to use, guided England and the flaming food outside while Elizabeth retrieved the fire extinguisher after a moment of throughout searching. Shaking, she carryied the red canister to France, who removed the pin, aimed the nozzle and released the solution onto the orange fire.
By this time, the fire alarm was still squealing and a thin layer of smoke hovered in the air. Numbly, Elizabeth assisted France and England in opening every window and door in the house to let fresh air circulate.
Minutes later, far after the alarms had ceased their clamor, the threesome had retired to the couch, bundled in as many blankets as were readily available as the chilling winter wind blew through the house.
"You are stupid, you know that England?" Elizabeth pointed out after a moment of stony silence.
France burst into a fit of laughter at his daughter stingy comment. "I must say, Angleterre. That was not the smartest of moves."
England, not fond of having both his daughter and his husband pick on his lack of common sense, quickly fired a rebuttal argument: "I was panicking and didn't think straight."
"So? Elizabeth and I were panicking, yet we somehow managed to remember that grease fires and water do not mix." France pointed out, his voice showing a hint of triumph over an unknown victory.
England lightly punched France's arm in frustration. "Git. You would've done the same thing if you had the pot!"
A heated debate between the two men of the household ensued and perpetuated until the argument lost both its energy and purpose. Not wanting to get up and head to bed, France and England were both content to sleep on the couch, forgetting to change into pajamas. This left Elizabeth the task of closing up all the windows and doors so as to not transform the house into an icebox. After slipping on a nightgown, she treaded back to the living room and squeezed herself next to her parents, pulling the wool blankets closer to her. Normally, she would've thought twice about sleeping with her parents, but the excitement of the day had sapped her energy.
"Welcome home, England." She thought peacefully as she sunk in a warm, dreamless sleep.
Footnotes:
Je sias, mon enfant- I know, my child.
Pourquoi l'avez-vous signalé, puis- Why did you point it out, then?
Je n'ai aucune idée- I have no idea.
Donnez-moi une coupre- Give me a break. (Note: I understand that this phrase is more or less something only English-speaking people would say, but since Elizabeth is part English, I would think that she could translate this with its intentions still intact.)
Mon cher-My dear
Mon dieu- My God
Angleterre-England
I hope this was enjoyable for you all. Thanks so much for reading!
~AnimeOtakuFreak1029
