Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl.

Warning: Contains minor spoilers for The Time Paradox.

So he had bugged her. Big deal. He needed information, classified information, about the situation they were in, so clearly he had had no choice.

Absolutely no alternative option.

Nope.

She was speaking to Foaly at the moment, and the egotistical centaur had just whinnied hysterically. Artemis reprimanded himself for losing focus to examine his conscience, and redirected his attention to the speakers.

Holly was speaking again. She sounded flustered and maybe... embarrassed? "I was... I was worried and so relieved and anyway time traveling messed with our ages and so I was physically a teenager and all those hormones and everything and-"

"And his broken, 18-year-old body was just too good to pass up, eh?" Foaly managed to gasp out between laughs.

Artemis nearly blushed. Nearly. Was kissing him so bad that she was humiliated? It's not like he had asked her to! Having worked up some indignity to shield him from embarrassment, he once again listened to their conversation.

Foaly was talking now. "Ooh so you're in LOVE with the human!" He sounded utterly gleeful.

There was silence for a minute, and Artemis did not have to be able to see her to know what her expression would be. She's be the next 'beetroot' if she wasn't careful.

"No I do NOT love the 14-year-old mud child!" she exploded. Artemis heard hoofclops as Foaly backed up a few steps for safety. The grin was still evident in his voice, however. "Well that's a good thing, because he is most certainly underage. But I asked if you were IN LOVE with him, not if you do the physical action of love with him. Humans and fairies can sometimes breed, you-"

Artemis heard a smack as Holly supposedly slapped the centaur hard, probably across the face.

"I have never, do NOT, and WILL NEVER love or be in love with Artemis Fowl!!" she shrieked at him.

The quadruped laughed and laughed, and the elf stormed out of the room.

Artemis sat back in his chair. The captain had made herself more than clear. This wasn't the classified information he had been after, but it was good to know in advance that the feelings he was considering having have never been, aren't, and will never be returned. He could therefore redirect his attention to other, less futile, pursuits.

He sighed. Well, it was better to know ahead of time, with her not knowing he knew. He was about to stand when he heard a strange sound coming from the speaker. It took him a moment to recognize it, but when he did his eyes went wide and he gripped the arms of his chair.

Holly was... crying?

He lost control of himself for a minute, scrambling out of his chair and nearly falling into the keyboard he and she both had that allowed them to communicate. His instinct was the run to her and take her in his arms and figure out why she was crying and beat the bastard centaur for possibly playing a part in it, but only after murdering the reason she was crying with his bare hands.

He had actually typed in a few letters of the password before he came to his senses.

First off, he wasn't supposed to know that this was even happening.

Second off, she was REALLY far away.

Third, he wasn't capable of murdering anyone with his bare hands.

He sunk back into his chair. She was crying fairly hard, actually. Anger flared up in him again, but this time he was able to suppress it. All he could do was sit and listen, his heart getting ripped out of his chest with her every sob. He put all of his remarkable attention span on the sounds: maybe he would hear something that he could actually do something about.

As if on cue, he heard her whisper, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean a word of it."

He maxed out the volume. Had she said something cruel to her mother shortly before she died that she now regretted?

"Not a word. I do love you," she whispered even more softly.

Artemis's world tilted on its axis.

For a brief moment, he was afraid she had noticed the bug and was actually talking to him, trying to force a reaction out of him. Then it fully sank in, and he reluctantly had to accept what he knew he had heard.

Maybe, maybe, Captain Holly Short had feelings for him after all.

Unless, well, his Gnommish might be off. The word 'love' didn't come up that much...

He checked the dictionary he had created. No, no, that word was definitely 'love.' He double checked every other word she and Foaly had used. Nope. He was, of course, completely correct.

Holly had already regained her composure.

He debated long and hard, weighing all the pros and cons, the gains, the consequences. He devoted his entire mind to the effort, seeing every possible angle. 'Long and hard' for Artemis Fowl was fifteen minutes. He had come to a decision after two minutes, naturally, but he had allowed the extra thirteen to come up with a defeating reason to change his mind. He couldn't.

So he walked up to the keyboard, selected the color that represented a social message, and typed just three Gnommish words. Those ever-famous three words.

'I love you.'

His heart beat frantically and he was shaking so hard that it was difficult to click 'send.' He calmed himself by force and sent it.

He waited. It seemed like forever. But that was fair; she was so, so far away. And a message marked 'social' meant that it could be ignored safely for a while. He was a genius, however. He had modified this system, and even with the miles between them, the message would only take three minutes to arrive at her end, underground or no.

It suddenly occurred to him that he would be able to hear her reaction to his message. He dashed back to the speaker. He heard a 'ping' on her end, heard her picking up a device. Heard her sharp intake of breath, and heard her whisper his name.

Heard the silence that was her freezing when she read what the message contained.

He heard her type, and it seemed like it was a lot longer than it would take to reply with something positive.

He received her message about five minutes later.

'I love technology too. For future reference, the Gnommish word for 'technology' is really close to the Gnommish word for 'you.' Careful.'

He had been given a chance to back out. She wasn't making any sounds, so that was no help. He steeled himself and replied, 'I know the difference.'

Three minutes later, he heard her frantically typing again. Three minutes after she stopped, he received her message. 'Human. Fairy. You see the problem?'

'Of course I do. But that's irrelevant. I am not asking for anything. I am merely stating a fact.'

He was almost more nervous than he had ever been in his life. Her reply was slower than usual. 'Oh. Well. If we're just being factual about it then... I love you, too.'

Artemis broke into a rare, non-vampistic grin. He heard Butler knock on his door.

"One moment."

'Butler. Goodbye.' He sent it quickly and shut down the system. He initiated the self-destruct on the bug he had on her, and then granted his bodyguard access. He knew Butler would notice his behavior instantly, but there was nothing he could do.

The hulkingly large man entered the room, mouth open to say something, but what came out was, "Artemis...?"

The youth was practically bouncing. "Yes Butler?"

He was aghast. "Are... are you all right?"

"Yes of course. What do you need?"

"It's... not important. Why are you...?" Normally the man would know not to question his employer so much, but in this case, he was worried that something was horribly, terribly wrong. "Are you ill?"

"No, no," Artemis assured him, trying to calm down. But then he saw the words in his head again and nearly jumped.

Butler looked about ready to grab the boy and fly him to the best hospital he could find. Artemis saw this, and knew that if he didn't want tubes down his throat he would have to tell him. He couldn't think how to say it, so what came out was, "Holly told me she loves me!" He was able to calm down a little now that he had said it out loud.

Butler stared. "Holly... Short."

"Yes."

"The fairy."

"Yes."

"The LEPrecon captain."

"Yes."

"Holly Short, the LEPrecon captain, the fairy we kidnapped when you were twelve."

"Yes." He was mildly annoyed. "Honestly, do you know many other Captain Holly Short's?"

It was rhetorical, but Butler was so confused that he missed that component. "No."

"Precisely," Artemis smiled. "Really, Butler, you don't have to look so bewildered."

The bodyguard couldn't help it. She was a military woman. After his own heart. They had shared this sentiment multiple times. "But she's... centuries old..."

"She's a fairy, and the first thing you think about is the age difference? Well, if we're going in that direction, then let me point out that I should be 18, I have an unsurpassed intellect that could hardly qualify me as a teenager, and indeed a normal human. I have possessed magic. Holly, on the other hand, is, in elfin years, very young, fairly close to my own age, assuming I'm 18." He was vaguely aware that he wasn't making a terrible amount of sense, and also that he had no idea what the human-fairy age ratio was. He had completely made that part up.

"Let's talk about how she's a fairy, then."

Artemis sighed. "Butler, I'm not marrying the woman. I'm not even dating her. Nothing has changed. We just exchanged statements and moved on."

Butler relaxed a little, but not all the way. "Yes, sir." But he was older than Artemis. He knew that those words changed things. "I'll prepare lunch, Artemis."

The youth was distracted. "Thank you, Butler."

He nodded and exited.

Artemis turned the system back on, only to find a message from Holly. 'Of course, stating the facts doesn't change other facts.'

'Species. Age. Distance. Got it. Do not worry, I fully understand.'

'Good. Over and out.'

'Goodbye.'

Artemis closed his eyes for a moment and allowed himself to just sit there and feel good before he could destroy it by over thinking it. Like he usually did.

He opened his eyes and smiled, shutting the system down again. Nothing had changed. Good. That was the way he wanted it. He would admit it to no one but himself, of course, but he was glad she knew.

And even gladder she agreed.

But of course, nothing had changed.

END