Half a Man
Alright my friends…this is my first attempt at a Teen Titans fic. It was inspired by a love story between Robin and Starfire I read and I thought, "What about Cyborg?"
I'm not sure how many people will welcome it because Cyborg isn't as popular a character as he should be in my opinion.
I chose this because I can understand a bit of his frustration from real life events in my life.
It will be a one shot for the time being, and if I have time and the gumption, it may grow into something more as I have a lot of ideas in my head…as always.
Pairing: If I continue it, in the future.
Summary: Half man and half machine on the outside…that's what he was to the world. Everyone saw the book…the binding, the title, even the spine…but no one knew the story, because very few had ever bothered to look inside.
So what is inside?
Enjoy
The night was especially black this day.
No moon, no stars, it almost seemed like the sky was reflecting his mood.
He looked down at his right hand, as he raised it.
Staring at the open palm, the light from his components was enough to make the metal glint ever so slightly which made him smirk, although not in a humorous manner.
This has been his vigil.
For two weeks he has stood here on the roof of Titans Tower…brooding.
Most of the time, his thoughts would return to a certain time period.
Eight years ago.
It had been eight years since the accident.
Eight years since he became…half a man.
His father did the best he could to heal him…but with so much damage to his physical body, he had no choice but to put his only son in the experimental exo-skeleton that he had created.
It was originally supposed to be for the military…but because of budget cuts blah, blah, blah, the E frame sat collecting dust in a warehouse…until that day.
He refused to go to the time when he woke up, and found he was literally now the stuff of nightmares…
Cyborg shook his head and wiped the images away.
Still it took three years before he was even strong enough to be able to move parts of it without further hurting himself.
Strained muscles, bruises, he even broke his right Bicep once…but of course, his father found a way to fix that to.
Yeah…dad fixed it. He thought bitterly as his hand clenched into a fist. He fixed everything.
He took a deep breath and sighed, staring out over the water and eventually his eyes lost their focus.
He tried hard not to be the grumbly sort…bad attitude, bad manners…but some days it was just so hard.
Today happened to be one of them.
Usually…he would be in his room, lying on the diagnostic bed that monitored his systems. Lately though, he had been coming online more and more around the midnight hour, doing absolutely nothing for a few hours, then he goes and lays back down before anyone else is up.
Peace…seemed to be as alien to him as Starfire was…but at least she was a better conversationalist.
Starfire…her and Robin hooked up.
"Finally." He muttered out loud before he chuckled.
Everyone could see they liked each other…except those two.
And both of them too afraid to take the first step…make the first move.
Until Tokyo.
If they didn't hook up after that kiss in Tokyo, Cyborg was contemplating grabbing both of them in a headlock and dragging them into a closet and locking them in there until they did.
The image of Starfire and Robin pressed together in a tiny closet actually made him smile for a few seconds, but as always reality crept back in.
He had come a long way from the days when he first became a titan. A lot of tinkering with his systems, and other projects like the T car and the T rocket. (Or was it a sub now? He kept forgetting.) As well as security around the tower kept him busy, as well as all the battles he and the other titans had been in together.
The unfortunate part was even though they usually came out on top…no one could see the scars it left on him.
Sure, parts can be fixed, damage can be repaired…but how do you repair a damaged psyche? How do you heal a wounded pride, or a broken heart?
He usually would just bury it all down deep…because he had many things that weighed heavily on his mind whenever he did have brooding time.
The episodes with Brother Blood, Atlas, and Trigon sometimes felt like it would physically bear him down, but the Titans always came out on top. Cyborg would laugh and then joke…celebrating with his friends their victory…but there was something about the Titan's friend that they didn't know.
You see Cyborg's father not only made the only cybernetic body, but also the only cybernetic brain. Cyborg wasn't just half machine…he was also half computer.
Most people would call that a hell of an advantage…He could remember anything and bring it back to the forefront of his mind in seconds. He could store as much knowledge as his capacity could hold. And if he ran out of capacity, (Which hadn't happened yet) he stored it on his central computer the same way he stored information about enemies and battles they had fought.
No matter how hard he tried though…there were some things he couldn't store…things he couldn't erase.
Maybe it was a failsafe system so if he lost his human memory, he would be able to recall all that had happened. He wasn't sure.
Maybe it's something dad installed after the blue prints were drawn, and I just need to find it. He thought to himself, because try as he might…he couldn't find anything on his own.
But lately it had been tormenting him in his sleep…replaying the worst episodes of his life, but not reliving the triumphs.
He clearly remembered when Brother Blood made him think he could feel.
He remembered clearly not being able to beat Atlas, and almost giving up.
He remembered clearly how his inner demons got the best of him.
There were other episodes as well, other villains…but these are the ones that stood out mostly…because they made him question himself, his worth as a human being.
His life.
The other Titans may have noticed, or maybe they didn't notice how aggressive he had become, how angry he always seemed in battle…but they probably chalked it all up to the heat of the moment.
It was completely possible that no one noticed…or no one cared.
Like Bumble Bee.
He smirked and shook his head as he huffed at the memory.
This one haunted him lately too, and it was a toss up to decide which hurt the most…but this one was pretty close to the number one position.
Flashback
She was crying…and at first he thought it was in joy…but then she handed the ring back to him.
He blinked in shock as he looked at the engagement ring now resting in the palm of his hand then looked at her. "I..I don't understand. Don't you love me?"
Bumble Bee reached up and caressed the human side of his face and tried to smile at him, but it was obvious that it was a hard effort for her.
But he knew what was coming, but hoped he was wrong anyway.
He had a feeling, maybe a premonition. But anyone with half a brain would know he didn't want it to happen. Who would?
"Victor…you are without a doubt a beautiful man. You helped me become a better leader for Titans East, you made me realize that I don't have to do anything alone, and your kind soul shines in everything you do…but as selfish as this sounds…we would never work."
Cyborg blinked as he looked at her, but his mind just couldn't focus on her completely. "Why? You just told me all the best qualities that you see in me…why wouldn't we work?" A quick thought on his part made him blurt out. "If it's my attitude…I can change…I can be…anything you wanted!"
Bumble Bee looked down for a second then swallowed as she looked at him again and broke his heart further. "We're just too different."
Cyborg took a step back from her in shock, breaking her contact with him. "Where is this coming from? What the hell? You never acted this way before…" His eye opened wide and he leaned in and whispered to her. "Are you being threatened? Is someone controlling you?"
Bumble Bee put her arm down and shook her head. "No. I only wish someone were…I wish it were that simple…and of course I never acted this way before. You never proposed to me before."
Cyborg growled before he turned around and punched a hole through the wall behind him.
When the dust settled, he was standing there breathing hard as he stared down at her.
He didn't breathe hard because of exertion, but he suddenly couldn't catch his breath. "Then Why Damn it!?" He screamed, but her expression hadn't changed.
She was still crying, and stood in the same position.
Cyborg shook his head as he tried to focus and blame it on something he could fix. "Is it about sex? I mean sex is possible…" But his voice trailed off as she shook her head negatively over and over again before she looked in his eye. "I don't want to hurt you anymore Vic…please, just let it go."
Cyborg took a step towards her, but it was actually more then he thought it was as a small crater appeared under his foot and the ground shook with a resounding boom.
Reason had almost fled him as he screamed at her again. "TELL ME!"
Bumble Bee, known for her temper did the one thing she didn't want to do.
In a burst of anger she told him the truth.
"What exactly do you think…huh? You're a machine! Someday I want to be a mother…can you help me have children? Are you even capable of producing sperm?"
Cyborg's face fell as her words penetrated the fog his anger had produced, but she was angry now, and she wasn't finished.
"I have touched you, I have felt you, when we kissed, when we hugged, and most of you is cold. I don't want to have to think all the time about where I can touch you so I will feel comfortable…and do you think it would be easy for me to lay in a bed all by myself every night while you slept in another room…recharging?"
Which was actually preposterous.
Cyborg had long ago replaced his simple ion batteries with an internal power supply and fusion batteries as a back up…but her point was valid.
He still had to sleep on a diagnostic bed, and his cybernetics still needed downtime so the auto repair system would keep his internal parts running.
"But…that's superficial…It's like you're saying you wouldn't marry me if I was in a wheelchair!" He tried to find a way to fight against her words…to make her see that even under the metal…he was still the man he always was.
But this must have been laying in her mind for a long time, and now it was all coming out. "Victor…tell me honestly. When you touch me, can you feel me? Can you feel the goose bumps on my arms or the hair on my head? If by some odd chance you and I were lying together, could you feel the stubble on my legs if I rubbed mine against yours, and tell me if I needed to shave? Can you?"
Cyborg's anger slowly evaporated as one of his fears, in fact the greatest fear he had about this night came true.
His head sank down and he looked at the engagement ring in his hand.
"No." His voice whispered as the light glinted off of the precious stones.
Bumble Bee frowned, and her tears started again, her anger spent as she realized her words just ravaged a kind man's heart.
"I'm sorry Vic…I really am…W..we could still be…friends?" She asked and Cyborg chuckled as his hand closed on the ring, crushing the soft metal and the diamonds together in a lump. "Friends…yeah." He whispered as he turned and started to walk away.
Her voice reached him again, but he had no intention of turning back around. "CY…please…I'll see you around!" But her words were by far hollow and unrepentant.
Cyborg's hand turned over and the remainder of the ring fell to the concrete and glittered in the glow of the streetlight as he whispered. "No…you won't."
Present
The other Titans knew something was wrong when he walked in, his fast cast in stone. Robin asked if he was ok after they realized the happy occasion he had hoped for wasn't going to happen…and Beast Boy badgered the hell out of him…but he just smiled at them and shook his head before going to his room, and locking the door. No one asked him what happened again the next day or the day after that. His face said it all. Things between him and bumble Bee...were done.
That was exactly thirteen days ago.
It seemed life for him would always be the same…his friends accepted him, and maybe that was best…just keep it all that way.
No need for love…besides, machines can't love can they?
With a sigh Cyborg looked up into the sky.
"I love you dad…you did the best you could. But some days…I just wish you had let me die."
He reached up and the position sensors of his hand stopped him from rubbing to hard against his face as he wiped the lone tear away.
One tear…but one tear is sometimes all it takes.
And in the daytime, he would be the machine, turning off the raw emotions that ate at him…and make his friends feel comfortable. He would play video games, watch movies, laugh and joke…because as illogical as it sounded, no one could help him. How could they? Why would they?
But despite the logic, despite the metal, and the computer components…he knew the truth.
He was still just a cybernetic organism…a cyborg…but even a cyborg can cry.
To be continued…
