Imperfect

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A/N: Not exactly a sequel to it, but it works well with Bittersweet.

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Unnecessary disclaimer: None of the characters appearing in the TV show "House, M. D." belong to me.

Abstract: "I keep reminding myself that this is what I've always wanted." Angsty S5 Finale Cameron. Pretty much canon.

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I am getting married today.

Most of the time I'm happy about it. This is what I've always wanted, what I dreamed of as a little girl.

Marriage, children. Companionship.

No more lonely nights.

I first asked Robert out to free myself from House. Instead, I'm becoming him. I'm more callous than I used to be.

This thing with Robert became more than I ever expected. At first I just wanted to get House out of my head. Enough is enough. I wasn't going to be the pathetic ingénue pining away for her boss anymore. This was the new Cameron.

Some days I'm not sure I like her.

Where along the way did I lose Allison? Was it the three years with House that did me in? Or the two with Robert? I know what I would like to believe. Believing doesn't make things true.

I tell myself that House is who did it. House is who I should hate. And then the voice comes in and tell me what I told him all those years ago. Not all change is bad.

I don't know if Robert likes who I've become. I never asked. I'm not sure if I want to know the answer.

I know what House would say. I also know he'd be lying.

I tell myself what I feel is simply friendship and concern. Admiration for his genius. That's all. I'm not pining away for my boss anymore. He isn't my boss anymore.

But this isn't about him now. It started that way, but not anymore. This is for me. This is me giving myself the things I've always wanted. The life I've always wanted.

I tell myself I am happy.

I get helped into my dress. My makeup is done. My hair is ready. Everything is perfect.

I keep reminding myself that this is what I've always wanted.

Before I know it, I'm at the back of the crowd, ready to make that long walk to the place where I'll marry Robert Chase. I put on a smile. I am happy. Only one person I know could see through it.

I look for that particular set of blue eyes as I take my first steps. He isn't here. A simultaneous sigh of relief and pang of disappointment occur.

I try not to think it, but the thought is there before I can stop it. Maybe perfect isn't what I want anymore.

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