Rubbish

The second she peeked into the room packed with soldiers, she knew.

Though she could only see his back, the way his coppery hair braided, the strong and masculine voice barking out a suggestive joke, the state of untidiness of his clothes, implied that he was the kind of man she wanted to avoid for her dear innocence.

"…You fellows probably don't understand a word I just said." Integra's voice wafted from the stage carrying a strong hint of annoyance. "See for yourselves: this is our enemy, the vampire!"

With all the air of bravery she could muster, Seras stepped into the spotlight, trying hard not to blush or observe the reaction of the soldiers. Judging from the sudden silence of the room, it was safe to assume that there were no more headaches.

"Are you … a vampire?" the man threw her a question, a thick sweat condensing on his forehead. But his eyes stayed at her chest.

That look was not how it was supposed to be.

"Uh, I guess so…" the blush broke out and she flashed him a polite smile showing her fangs.

It didn't help the situation – all of them were toppling up in silent laughter. Seras frowned. "Alright, show them what you've got, officer!" Integra boomed.

Seras was determined to grant them a show time, quietly enjoying the imagination of a kneeling soldier kissing her toe. "Hahaha! Hey if the girl's a vampire, then I'm Frankenstein!" the man declared, and her temper flared up.

"Like this?" Nobody saw it coming. As fast as it went, the man fell off the stage with a heavy nose bleed. "Down already, Captain? I just lifted my little finger. How about this?" Seras flicked it twice.

"CAPTAIN!" all of them shouted. "She's a freak! I can't see! And she just flicked her finger and pushed me down!" The captain howled.

It seemed that all man was rubbish, and soldiers – especially the captain – were no exception. "I have said it already… I'm a vampire!"

"Though she is the lowest of the vampires," Alucard cut in while phasing out of the wall, "She is still the real deal."

The temperature of the room suddenly dropped, until several men shrieked like zombies. "What a pitiful bunch of cowards." Alucard commented, and Seras full heartedly agreed. "All man is rubbish, especially the perverted ones like the captain." muttered Seras.

Standing directly behind her, Integra's lips curled upwards slightly. "Though he is a monster, I believe his mind still function as a man." She thought as a full blown smile threatened to break her solemn mask. "All man is rubbish, especially the perverted ones."

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The idea just popped up in my head and here it is. Hope you would enjoy this oneshot and tell me whatever you think about it.